Friday, April 20, 2018

That time when I thought I wouldn't have to get out of the car


I thought I was just running Mini to the bus stop this morning, in my pajamas and no bra and messy ponytail. And knee brace and Crocs. Like a beautiful, dignified, mature lady. But as we got there, the bus was pulling away, so I drove her to school. But that’s fine - because I don’t have to get out of the car if I use the kiss and ride line. 
Then it occurred to me - “Julie, do you know what else you could do without getting out of the car? Get some delicious breakfast at the Chick-fil-A drive-through.” 
Except many, many other people had that same idea. So 20 minutes later, as I’m waiting for the nice lady to hand me some food, I happened to glance at the dashboard of my car and notice that the gas gauge was on EMPTY AF. So I pressed the little button to see exactly how many miles I had left before the engine started to sputter and die. ZERO. 
Fortunately, I was able to make it across the parking lot to a gas station, where I unreasonably hyperventilated about how long it took some woman in an SUV with too many stickers on the back to pull the hell through when she was done pumping her gas.
I *may* have been like: “WHAT THE HELL PAM YOU GOT YOUR RECEIPT AND NOW YOU’RE JUST SITTING THERE CHECKING FACEBOOK OR SOMETHING THERE'S A DAMN LINE BEHIND YOU GAHHHHHH”
But it all worked out. And even if I had gotten stranded, at least it would have been *with* a hot breakfast. 
Just do me a favor and don’t tell my husband, ok? He will find this amusing and bring it up a lot. 
Like for many years.

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Tuesday, April 3, 2018

How To Make *Perfect* Weeknight Roasted Peppers


How To Make *Perfect* Weeknight Roasted Peppers:
Gently wash a large bag of mini sweet peppers, making sure they’re organic so you feel great about yourself as both a chef and a mother. 

Place on a baking sheet with just a little heart healthy oil (grapeseed or extra virgin olive oil) and lightly season with Himalayan salt and freshly ground pepper. 


Splash just a tiny bit of expensive balsamic vinegar on the peppers & toss. Not the kind from Costco, the good stuff from Wegmans you got to impress your mother in law. Just add a smidge to enhance the sweetness of the peppers!

Place in a preheated 400° oven and then promptly forget about them until the fire alarm goes off. 

Voila! It’s really just that easy. Feel free to pin! 


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Thursday, March 15, 2018

Hush hush, Julie. Voices Carry.

I was just in the grocery store, which has recently and inexplicably started playing killer 80's music every time I'm there. Not like Billy Ocean (though "Get Out of My Dreams and Into My Car" is pretty solid and also something my husband and I frequently say to each other). The grocery store is playing bands like The Psychedelic Furs and Tears for Fears. I mean, its great stuff. These are the songs of my people.

So I'm there this morning and again, the music is the great. Upon hearing the end of Til Tuesday's (still amazing) "Voices Carry," I felt a visceral urge to belt out "HE SAID SHUT UP, HE SAID SHUT UP, OH GOD CAN'T YOU KEEP IT DOWN?!" right there among the salad greens and carrots. 
But I realized that a 45-year woman suddenly scream-shouting these lyrics in the produce section, fueled by powerful emotion, might frighten the other shoppers. So I sang nothing. I kept it down because voices carry and it was TERRIBLY SAD. As I looked up from the baby spinach, I saw another GenX mom standing by the organic berries and our eyes met.

We nodded at each other with mutual understanding and began bobbing our heads in time to the last few measures of the song, in the universal manner of those who are not cool and cannot dance. I may have also thrown in a shoulder shimmy. 

It was a beautiful moment of weirdo solidarity and I will always treasure it.


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Saturday, January 20, 2018

If you don't like my notes then make your own sandwich.


When your kids ask you to make their lunches, write heartfelt and embarrassing love notes on their sandwiches. This one was a huge hit in the middle school cafeteria. I mean, if you don’t want everyone at your table to know that I love my precious schmoopy then I probably shouldn’t still be making your sandwiches. 

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Wednesday, January 10, 2018

I'm pretty cool but I cry a lot.

I was at the craft store buying big yarn (because I'm obsessed with hand crocheting with big yarn) and I saw this and fell in love with it and showed my friends and I hollered “YOU GUYS ITS LIKE THIS WAS MADE FOR ME!” And they were like “Yes, but I also think it was made as decor for a baby’s room.”




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