Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Giving Formula a Ride

For the past couple of years, I've been giving baby formula a ride. Once every month or two, I drive it from my pediatrician's office to the local family homeless shelter. The companies that make formula send it to pediatricians everywhere in the hopes that they'll give it away to their patients, who will like their products and start to buy them. The practice we go to is large and as a result, they get sent a lot of formula and they often end up with too much. 
It drove the staff crazy because sometimes they literally couldn't give it away. Once they had to throw it out because they lost track of the expiration date. That spurred one of the (amazing) nurses to ask me if I still helped with homeless families and if so, would I take several cases of formula over there for her. I was like YOU BETCHA LADY, THIS STUFF IS EXPENSIVE. GIDDY UP. So now whenever they have too much baby formula, they call me and I come pick it up. 

Today I got to drive 17 cases and that was pretty awesome so I decided to tell you about it. Not to be annoying like - oooh look what I did, I'm so fancy and helpful - but because maybe you also go to a big pediatric practice where you live and they have extra formula and you want to give it a ride. Or maybe you volunteer someplace with hungry families and you read this and thought - Hey! I could maybe get them some much-needed free stuff! 
Sending hugs & extra air conditioning (because it is too hot to function in Virginia),
J

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Monday, July 17, 2017

The Ritual Cleansing

On May 22nd, my 30 year old brother died unexpectedly. It was a pulmonary embolism. 


For almost a year preceeding his death, he'd been in crisis due to mental health and addiction problems. On the day he died, we thought we stood a chance of getting him back, but of course now we'll never know how his life might have turned out. 
His memorial service was yesterday. My sister and I are really close and we got each other through it. This has been dark, messy, dirty grief - the kind you don't even know how to talk about. 
After the memorial, we drove off as fast as we could to a secret beach on Deer Isle, Maine and we dove into the freezing cold water. We jokingly referred to it as a ritual cleansing. The water was so cold that it hurt to go under. But I made myself do it and when I came out, I felt wide awake. My skin tingled and my lungs filled with air and my toes were deep in sea weed and I looked up at the sun. Some mist was rising off the water and we watched the wind blow it out to sea.


(c) Mommyland Blogs 2013-2017

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Friday, July 14, 2017

Orbital Space is Finite

I recently listened to a podcast about space junk, the man-made debris floating around in Earth’s orbit. It discussed how one Cold War-era rocket booster over time may break into 100 smaller pieces of debris, which eventually break into thousands of tiny bits of space junk. It all spins around the planet, occasionally crashing into things, which create exponentially more and smaller debris.

All these little pieces are not gently floating around us in a Hollywood version of zero gravity. They’re moving at incredibly high speed. Millions of tiny pieces of shrapnel, which we know will inevitably cause damage to the satellites and the things in our orbit that we view as important and useful. Like HBO.

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Public Display of Costco Shopping

Since you, my internet friends, seem to really enjoy it when I embarrass myself in public (like here or here), allow to me to share this precious nugget of humiliation. I have a good friend who speaks a couple of languages and she says that occasionally she gets "ESOL brain" and the words just come out wrong. That is not my problem, however, because I'm a jackass who only speaks English and apparently not that well.

So my multi-lingual friend and I were at Costco today and she very wisely was like “We should see if they have any of those skirts.”  Well of course we scampered right over to the clothes section because Costco yoga skirts are legitimately the best thing ever. 

Note: It should already be evident that my friend and I are neither "fancy" nor "fashionable" nor "cool". Anyone who gets excited about Costco skirts needs to know that about themselves. We are aware.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

40 Examples of 4th Quarter Parenting

It’s the end of the school year and I’m so done. Except I’m not done because unlike most of you lucky devils who are finishing up this week, our schools won't release the Krakken for four more weeks. 

The accumulated exhaustion from doing the exact same tasks again and again and again, combined with spring sports insanity and all of the end of year “celebrations” just becomes too much. 

In September, I was a shining example of good parenting. Now I am reduced to giving my children random slices of cheese on a torn paper towel for breakfast. I call this phenomenon Fourth Quarter Parenting. I want to be a shiny, happy, awesome mom but I just can't do it. I'm too tired. There are too many things at this stage of the school year. Sorry.

via GIPHY

As it turns out, I’m not alone. I shared a few examples of #4thQtrParenting on my Facebook page and got hundreds and hundreds of comments in response that had cracking me up. As usual, it is proven that the people who read my blog are about a million times funnier than I am.

Here are 40 examples of #4thQtrParenting:

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