Tuesday, October 25, 2016

The Elementary School Book Fair

Guess what? These aren't books.
So no, you may not buy them.
Our elementary school hosted it's annual book fair last week. That means I received a "wish list" brought home by child #3, requesting things that were either:

(a) not books, or
(b) books that are not even close to her reading level but feature puppies, or
(c) pens that don't work, or
(d) weird pointy sticks with fingers at the top.

In this case, it was all of the above. I said no and made her books. Correct me if I'm wrong but the purpose of a book fair is to purchase items intended for actual reading, yes?

Apparently, I am mistaken. I think the real purpose is to raise much-needed funds for the school, something I can totally get behind. But dear Lord Baby Jesus, I do not need more crap in my house so my children will buy books or they will buy nothing.

My son called me from school last week, freaking out that he forgot to ask me for money and begging me to drop some off so he could buy stuff during his class' designated shopping time. When I mentioned this on the Rants' Facebook wall, your responses killed me with how funny they were, so I made this meme:

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

I hate 2016 and I've heard enough.

Facebook just showed me a photo from a year ago. It was the day my daughter threw a Halloween party at the Katherine Hanley Family Shelterand we connected with some amazing people (including Batman).
There was a boy who worked really hard with us to make the party a success that day. He was hilarious, smart, and kind. He looked everyone from little kids to adults in the eye and spoke in the same friendly, respectful way to every body. I mean, how many 12 year old boys are like that? I haven’t met very many. He was exactly the kind of awesome kid you want your children to be friends with. He was staying at the shelter with his family. We looked for him a few weeks later to connect for Halloween, and then again for Christmas, but he was gone. I still wonder where he is and pray that he and his family are well.
This picture is a much-needed reminder for me of how bad circumstances happen to the very best people, that good fortune is not bestowed just upon those who are deserving of it, and that we all belong to each other. 

Monday, October 17, 2016

I want to wear a big headband and be cool but I just can't.

So I made this meme today because if anyone in the world needs the ability to pull off one of these big headbands on an "I didn't have time to shower but I still want to look like an actual adult female" day, it's me. I see other women about my age (I'm looking at you, Jen Hatmaker) looking all easy, breezy, beautiful with their long, flowing hair and their effortlessly faded jeans and their boots that fit their calves and their big headbands. They look awesome. I want to be easy and breezy, too. BUT OMG NO I JUST CAN'T. I look ridiculous. A big headband makes me look like I don't have a neck. It makes my head look much, much smaller. Like the math on that doesn't work. A big headband actually makes my head look 72% smaller. How is that possible?

Anyway, I have tried to make this work and it just doesn't and I resent it. That's all.

(c) Mommyland Blogs 2013-2016

Check us out on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram & Pinterest. Better yet - subscribe! Mostly because Facebook is now so dumb that our updates don't even show up in our own feed anymore.

Thursday, September 29, 2016

How to Drive Your Mother Crazy Before 8am

(in just 21 easy steps)
1. In the middle of the night, go stand next to your mother’s bed, as silent as a panther. Position yourself 3-5 inches from her sleeping face, and stare at her until she opens her eyes and screams in terror.
2. Wake her up a few more times, for no discernible reason.
3. When it is time to get up for school, refuse to get out of bed.
4. When your mother turns on your light in an attempt to rouse you from sleep, go ahead and turn it back off. Repeat as many times as you see fit. You’re tired and need more rest.

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Talking with Offspring

Does anyone else think its funny that I have gigantic, disembodied cat paw on my face?

As many of you know, I work with responsibility.org and this month they asked me to write about how I get my kids to open up to me and tell me things. Mostly it's getting them alone in the car, that's my big trick. They’ll basically tell me anything when they don’t have to make eye contact and they think I’m partially distracted by the road. 



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Popular Posts