Intercom: "Welcome to Starbucks - would you like to try a delicious, fresh-baked blueberry muffin?"
Lydia: "Hmmm, maybe. Do you have any of your yummy morning breakfast sandwiches?"
Intercom: "Ummm, yes."
Lydia: "OK, I'll have the ham one on artisan bread, AND I'll also have the sausage one on the English Muffin. And a grande cinnamon dolce latte, and a Venti Quad Shot Vanilla Latte. Oh, and yes, I will take a blueberry muffin. Thank you!
Intercom: "We're all out of blueberry muffins."
Lydia: "Ummm, how many cars got in front of me since you offered me a muffin? Aren't we at a drive thru Starbucks?
Lydia: "Ok then, we'll take raspberry."
Kate: "What's a venti quad shot?"
Lydia: "It's the big coffee and it has four shots of espresso."
Kate: "Dear God, are you planning on nursing that baby to Mars? Mini-mini-me, are you ok? Do you want Auntie Kate to call the County?"
Lydia: "Mini-mini-me? What the hell are you talking about?"
Kate: "OK. Thumbelina is a mini-me of you. And the baby is a mini-me of Thumbelina. Hence, Mini-mini-me."
Then we get our stuff from the drive-thru. The 19 year old Barrista hits on Kate. She blithly ignores him and the scarfing of breakfast sandwiches commences. Then we drive past the infamous hell-hole known as Chuck E Cheese.
Lydia: "You know, my kids don't even know I'm allowed at Chuck E Cheese. I've been telling them for like three years that that it was only babysitters and grandmas. So they don't even ask."
Kate:"I hate that damn place. We call it Satan's Playground. Especially those disease-ridden hamster trails running around the ceiling."
Lydia: "I KNOW. Everytime we go there for some dumbass birthday party, 3 days later someone is sick."
Kate: "Even if they coated the interior of those things with a thick layer of Purel, like DAILY, kids would still get sick."
Lydia: "You have a better chance of catching a bacterial infection in those Chuck E Cheese tubes, even coated with Purel, than in the rectal cavaity of some random dude. Seriously."
Kate: "That makes me laugh. Ohmygawd. What is that smell?"
Lydia: "I say we don't. Leave my Tampon alone. Ugh. That sounded really bad. It can't help that it's a big, old, white, messy, wreck-on-wheels any more than I can. And you love me. Now apologize. To the van."
Kate: "Sorry, BWT. I like you. Sort of. A little. Maybe." (thought bubble says: if only to make fun of you)
Lydia: "Yay!" (sings/taunts) "You like a mini-van! Fancy likes a mini-van!"
Kate: (sigh) "Next time, we're taking my car."
(Originally published 2/1/2/13) Last night I went to Target and I got distracted by the card section. I decided to buy my beloved Cap&...
Guru Louise and I asked you about what most teachers really want for end of the year gifts. We got hundreds of answers on Facebook , Tw...
Last Friday, roughly 25% of the second grade at my kids' school was sent home with a nasty stomach bug that had kids puking in buckets...
Whole30 Day 0: Later this week, I'm starting a diet/nutrition/sadness program called Whole30 . Where you eat nothing but strict Pa...
So last summer, my youngest daughter (age 5) began seeing previews for a new Dora show called Dora and Friends: Into the City! Gone was th...
When I got the email with this guest post in it, I was very happy because I know a bunch of moms with ADD or ADHD - and you know what? ...
We’ve had a lot of people ask us to write a post about the seemingly innocent topic of the Mother-in-Law. Seriously, people? Are you kidding...
Please note: If you ever run into me, there is a 90% chance it will be at Target & that I will be wearing jeans and a black shirt to ...
We know a couple of families who are going through divorces right now. No matter how well it's handled, it's hard on everyone. S...
Happy once made a drawing for me that looked eerily like a part of his anatomy. Being that he was only four, I said, "oh, I love it bab...