I gave birth to Charlie Brown.
Anyhow, my point was rather on the very large brain that I hope resides in that very roomy skull. And, with it, at the ripe old age of 6, Lefty is quickly learning to out-think me. Making counterarguments that are both logical and oddly compelling. And irritate the hell out of me, because, hello, I. Am not. Supposed. To lose. A debate. With my 6-year old. The fact that I see it as a debate (rather than a NON-debate) furthers that irritation. He's Clarence Darrow in feety-pajamas. And I am now forced to walk around my house carrying a turtleneck, just in case.
Sunday at church, we had a baptism. Lefty watched in what I thought was awe. Silent. Serious. Just like he does with me right before he turns into Atticus Finch. The instant church was over, he bee-lined for the minister. With questions. A lot of them.
I knew it was coming. The clincher. The logic that defies expectation, that you never saw coming. The non-debate debate that leaves you dumbstruck and wishing for a turtleneck. I wanted to rescue our minister before the web Lefty weaved had caught him. But if he got trapped, that meant I wasn't a complete idiot all by myself. That I'd have idiot company.
Welcome to the club, padre, here it comes: "Well, he could cure people when they touched him right? Why did he need water? He was holy. He could just spit on them. Holy spit."
Which was almost exactly what I was thinking the instant he said it. Almost.
Holy Spit.
Then, just in case we weren't quite clear, he demonstrated: "I baptize you" thwack! "in the name of" splat! "me and my dad and the holy ghost." ptooey!
"I'm gonna go get a donut hole and a lemonade. I'm thirsty. I bet Jesus was thirsty, too. Spitting on everyone all the time."
"I'm gonna go get a donut hole and a lemonade. I'm thirsty. I bet Jesus was thirsty, too. Spitting on everyone all the time."
And Clarence Darrow left the room.
Our sweet, kind, bespectacled minister looked over at me. I shrugged my shoulders. He's totally not going to join my club.
And, I'm pretty sure there's a turtleneck in someone's future.
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(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. - 2009