Sunday, December 13, 2009

McLovin & the Puppet

An overwhelming 79% of you voted to hear the rest of the story of the swallowing puppets.  Well, OK, let's be honest.  It was 38 people. but, all thirty-eight of you made your wishes clear.  You wanted more. More about swallowing puppets. You're all a little bit sick and twisted. And you totally googled "puppets that swallow" after you read it just to see if I was making it up right?

You so did.

So, McLovin leaves me in the street trying to explain to the children what is so funny about the puppets. And, fending off helpful citizens who are trying to summon an ambulance.  And off he goes to talk to the Puppet Lady. Let me preface this by saying he is a genius at keeping a straight face when the rest of the world - i.e. ME - is acting like an idiot.

McLovin: I see you've got some puppets.

Puppet Lady: Yes!

McLovin: Some puppets that apparently, umm, swallow...something.

Puppet Lady: That's right! They each come with a cookie, but they can swallow pretty much anything.

McLovin: That is fantastic. Even this beaver one you're holding?

Puppet Lady: Yes. This is Barney. He's a very popular one.

McLovin: [completely straight faced] Oh I can imagine. I think it would have to be my favorite. Because, you know, it's a beaver. A swallowing beaver. What other ones are popular? [picks up snake puppet]

Puppet Lady: Well, the snake isn't as popular. But the dog, and the varmint. [McLovin picks up the varmit] Yes! Him! That's Vinnie. He's quite popular too. Excuse me, but is that your wife?

McLovin: [sighs] Yes. She's unstable. I like this giraffe.

Puppet Lady: He's very popular too. Children really like him, I think because he has such a long throat and can swallow so much more.

McLovin: [clears throat loudly] Mmm-hmm. [yells to me] Kate, the giraffe can swallow more!

Puppet Lady: You see, they have little tongues and throats, and you can even have them spit the cookie back out if you want. I can show you.

McLovin: I would love to see that. I'm sorry. Forgive me, what was your name?

Puppet Lady: I'm Doris.

McLovin: McLovin. My pleasure. Really. All of us -- Kate, my insane wife, our kids -- we're definitely going to be telling our friends about these. They're just. So. Great.

Puppet Lady: [laughs] Thank you! Let me get a cookie and show you how it works.

McLovin: Kate! Come watch. [pause] Oh, please, let's use the beaver. [watches the "demonstration" while looking over at me and raising his eyebrows like he's Groucho Marx. For the record, I'm still sitting on the ground, but have at least moved to the curb. I'm out of breath and I have mascara running down my face. My children are horrified. They've just found out their mother is a 17-year old boy.]

Puppet Lady: So that's how it works.

McLovin: It is exactly what your banner says. They're puppets. That swallow. I have to get some. For the kids. And Kate will love it. But [whispering] you know, for Christmas. So, can I get them on your website? I want it to be a surprise.

Puppet Lady: Of course! Though I'm not sure which ones are available there. It may be not as big a selection.

McLovin: Oh, I'm pretty sure I know which one I want. The beaver?

Puppet Lady: You can definitely get the beaver online.

McLovin: That's what I needed to hear.

I'm expecting it to arrive any day now. It's going to be the best Christmas ever.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. - 2009

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