Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Tea Bags: A Misunderstanding

I should warn you, this post is in very bad taste. It is late on Saturday morning and I am in the kitchen making tea. My husband is in the living room with our three small children and his ever-present and much-hated mobile device. I ask him if he would like a cup. He answers: "Yes, thank you! I like the Punjana."

I am stunned. Did he just say what I think he just said? Punjana? I am fairly certain that is a derogatory word for lady parts. Right? Has he finally lost his mind? My husband's moral sensibility is akin to that of Ward Cleaver. He is very old young man, if you know what I mean. It is crazy that he would say something coarse or innapropriate. I'm the gross one. What is going on? I consider my response carefully:
  1. Hmmm... Maybe later?
  2. What the HELL is wrong with you?!
  3. I know you like the Punjana, honey, we've been together 15 years, but could we not discuss it in front of the kids?
  4. I asked you about TEA. What on earth is on your blackberry if you answered PUNJANA??
  5. I'm sorry, Dear. I don't think I heard you. Could you say it again, please?
I went with #5 and he replied: "I. Like. The. Pun. Ja. Na."

I poke my head into the living room. It's the typical scene: dog hair covering all surfaces, floor littered with books, sneakers, and potentially fatal choking hazards, larger children antagonizing smaller children, enormous dog snoring in the corner oblivious to the one-year-old climbing on him, Tivo'ed episode of Phinneas and Ferb playing, Daddy on his blackberry occasionally telling them to stop without actually looking up...

"You like the punjana?" I ask, one eyebrow raised. "Seriously?"

"Yes, Dear, look in the pantry." He is smiling, but still not looking up from the crackberry.

I look and I see a green box of tea. Punjana tea. From India. Like Darjeeling - only with a slightly pornographic name. (Don't believe me? Google it. Its real. And very tasty.) And because we are mature adults with no inclinations towards silliness, the tea-bagging jokes commence. Or if it is better iced or hot. And the ones about how the Bible says its wrong for girls to like the Punjana. Or boys, for that matter, outside of marriage. Then we discussed having another baby and naming her Punjana. And now it has joined the pantheon of stupidity that comprise our in-jokes. And now I have switched to coffee - because it is chock full of nuts.  

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