Dear Kate and Lydia,
I heard recently that you don't like me. That's so strange because most women love me. I thought I'd write to you personally and let you know I'm actually pretty cool. Ladies, I'm a parent - we have that in common. I have three kids (with two different women), including a little girl who was just born a few weeks ago. Also, I just got engaged to a third woman (not the one who just had the baby - what's her name again?). So, go on - congratulate me!
smokin' hot) fiancee doesn't seem to mind that I left my wife with two small kids and then just last year dumped my girlfriend after I got her pregnant. You know that I have a pretty important job, right? One that makes me like - super attractive to hot chicks. I'm a bureaucrat. I also have wicked cool hair that never moves and I'm really good at math and I have a speaking voice that sounds like my nickname should be "Nerdy Smurf". And as far as the ladies are concerned, I get more action than Tiger Woods. How sweet is that?
So... I actually don't need any advice and I don't care what you (or John Stewart) think of me. I'm just writing you to tell you that I'm awesome. Peace out, bitches. Because while you stupids are ranting I'm getting all the punjana one man can stand and running our nation's economic recovery like the pimp I am.
Dear Mr. Orszag,
cosmo and then suddenly they say robotically: "I just love econometrics and Toby Keith music. Also, I find ambiguously gay Sesame Street characters incredibly attractive. Let's go back to my place."
We strongly encourage you to use these powers for good and not evil. We're sticking with this whole 'powers' theory because the (somewhat more plausible) alternative is that you are a d-bag with too many roofies and no qualms about using them. However, not wanting to do anything to compromise our nation's economic turn-around we will wait until January 2013 to introduce you to Bad Mommy.
Lydia & Kate
Subscribe in a reader
(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. - 2009
Guru Louise and I asked you about what most teachers really want for end of the year gifts. We got hundreds of answers on Facebook , Tw...
So last summer, my youngest daughter (age 5) began seeing previews for a new Dora show called Dora and Friends: Into the City! Gone was th...
Yesterday we got this email and we just had to share it with you, because we actually learned something . As you know, Kate is addicted to S...
I did it for Valentine's Day. Then again for Mother's Day. And now... it is nearly Father's Day. Of course, I haven't actu...
I have three kids and they all swim on a swim team every summer. I decided to capture my experience at a morning swim meet, for those ...
This post is sponsored by Responsibility.org as part of their #talkearly campaign. In January, I got to hear a parenting coach named Meg...
Last Friday, roughly 25% of the second grade at my kids' school was sent home with a nasty stomach bug that had kids puking in buckets...
This post is sponsored by Minute Maid as part of their #DoinGood campaign. I am terrible at Father's Day. I never know what to get my...
I recently pulled into a spot in the Target parking lot, hung up my phone and thought: "How the hell did I get here?" This was not...
It's winter and its freezing and it's always dark and everyone is sort of sick. So at my house, it is the season of watching too muc...