- Lack of sleep
- Child with a fresh mouth
- Imminent arrival of dinner guests
- 72-24 hours before a major holiday
- A hangover
- Any job that includes cleaning up another creature's feces (that does not involve a baby)
- Thoughtless comment from husband (e.g: "Is that skirt supposed to be tight?')
- Empty toilet paper roll. Again.
- Months 1-9 of pregnancy
- One hour til your child's birthday party
- D-bag in the BMW who would not let you merge
How do you get your B off?
I am working diligently on this question. It is research. It is science. It is important to ALL MANKIND. Interesting fact: while there are a myriad ways to get your B on, there are only a handful of ways that are actually helpful in shedding it. I have outlined them as follows:
Kate is *obviously* Cal Naughton, Jr. running to save me. Shake and Bake, y'all.
Working Out/Healthy Lifestyle: I should probably let Kate write this. I think that getting plenty of exercise helps keep you from being a B because of the endorphins (another chemical catalyst!). Either that, or the smugness that comes from being all - "I went to gym this morning" (said aloud) "Nyah Nyah Nyah!" (said silently to self). [Editor's Note: I do this. I'm horrible. - Kate] I really wouldn't know but I understand that a healthy lifestyle with all things in moderation makes everything in your life good. Until that box of Samoas shows up from the Girl Scouts and little Miss Moderation can only have three. Good luck with THAT.
When I'm feeling like a B, I sometimes have imaginary conversations where everything I say is awesome - as if I were scripted by someone brilliant like Joss Whedon or Nora Ephron. It's sort of like talking out a problem except that I'm just thinking about talking it out. So that I win. But I am odd. (My new imaginary best friend, Tina Fey, is sitting here in B-blur next to me laughing out loud. Again!)
For both of us, though, writing Rants from MommyLand is surest fire way of shedding our raging B's and returning to our normal states of being.
Please keep in mind - this is all preliminary research. But I'm obviously a subject matter expert. And it's obviously peer-reviewed because you are my peers and you are reading it right now. And this research is pretty inspiring. Almost as inspiring as the latest edition of UsWeekly. If it were dipped in chocolate. Hand delivered by Colin Firth. Who's also dipped in chocolate. And holding a Guinness. Now that's inspiration, B.