Sunday, February 7, 2010

Top Ten Reasons Why Super Bowl Sunday is Not. Even. Super

[Note: Kate adores football and everything that goes along with it. She is a legitimate FAN. Lydia, meanwhile, thinks the NFL is sort of stupid, but strongly approves of the snacks that are associated with watching football. So keep in mind, the following list is written from the perspective of both of us. Have a great Sunday mommies! xo, Kate and Lydia]

10. Lydia made a motion that Super Bowl Sunday be replaced with an annual viewing of the six hour version of 'Pride and Prejudice' with Colin Firth/Mr. Darcy. And was voted down 4 to 1. Stupid family.

9. The Cap'n is not forced to prepare finger sandwiches and afternoon tea when he is eventually forced into a Jane Austen movie marathon. So why am I making chili and nachos for a game I have no interest in watching? Stupid chili.

8. Big men. Tight pants. Grunting and shouting. No thanks. Who make a touchdown or whatever, and DANCE. Or, conversely, make a tackle on another guy, and DANCE. Or, watch one of their teammates do something that is apparently good, and DANCE WITH THEM. Is this the ultimate dude sport, or is this Extreme Ballroom?

7. Lydia enjoys making snarky comments during the game. Speculating on how the testosterone-driven frenzy of manliness may actually be a little gay. Or how a couple of the players clearly establish that the theory of evolution's validity as the players in question are more than a little cro-mag. Or maybe that it's whackitty-whack to spend $4 billion on a stupid commercial for a stupid game, especially when the commercial sucks. The Cap'n is not appreciative of her clever and pithy comments. Stupid Cap'n.

6. Nine hours in the kitchen, not alone, rather being SUPERVISED by McLovin, who, on the remaining 364 days, spends exactly as much time as required in there to get ice. "How are the brownies coming along?" "Ribs?" "Where's the crab dip?" "Remember that Joe doesn't like onions in that..." "This is a little salty..." McLovin seems not able to recall just how adept I am with knives. Advise. He. Leave. My. Kitchen. Immediately.

5. Kate will call out when the refs make a bad call. The men in the room will pretend that her insightful comments are either (a) wrong or (b) ignore them. Until it turns out that she was totally RIGHT. And then they'll just roll their eyes in a chauvinist attempt to cover up the fact that she knows more about football than they do.

4. Lydia ponders why she is subjected to this ridiculous game every year when the team that the Cap'n has liked since childhood has not made a Super Bowl appearance since his childhood.

3. Nine hours of anticipation, cooking, and build up. Then three hours of game when Kate's kids won't SHUT UP.

2. The Cap'n was super impressed with Lydia for knowing all kinds of facts about Reggie Bush. Almost as if she was interested in the Saints. He was actually shocked she knew that the Saints were playing. He was less impressed when she informed him that her data source was a 'Keeping Up With The Kardashians' marathon. And the #1 reason why Super Bowl Sunday is not even super...

1. Kate's team isn't playing in it. Saints and Colts fans...suck it. suck it. suck it.


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