Monday, March 15, 2010

Kate's Day: I Had a Plan, But it Blew Up

McLovin comes home from work, and I'm sitting at the kitchen table waiting for dinner. Which is awesome, not because I'm waiting for someone to bring me dinner -- which, novel family must enjoy the hell outta that EVERY NIGHT -- but that I planned so well that everything was either fresh and needed no cooking (the salad) or was in the oven (chicken and potatoes). So I actually could say I was "making dinner" when really all I was doing was listening for the timer.

Anyway, as he's kicking off his shoes, he asks the typical question. "How was your day?"

I had no idea. And, looking like the proper confused American in a foreign speaking nation, I just stared at him, trying to figure out the answer.

So, he tried again. "Did you have a nice day?" dawns on me.

Kate: "My day blew up."
McLovin: "Blew up?"
Kate: "Yeah. It wasn't really a day, I don't think. It was more like little explosions of moments that sorta used up all the hours."
McLovin: "Hmm, OK. I saw the list you made last night."
Kate: "Yeah. Blew up."
McLovin: "It was a big list."
Kate: [mimics sound of explosion]

Let me digress for a moment. McLovin and I are list people. Love to make lists, love to scratch things off the list when I'm done. Really love to make lists of things I need to make lists of...It's my List List. I love my List List. Because it's like the Godfather of all the Other Lists. McLovin will say, "we need to start thinking of what we want to do with the landscaping since the snow is finally gone." And I'll be all happy that I get to add "Landscaping List" to my List List, which means at some time in the near future, I'll make a list of all the things that need to happen outside. The List List basically reminds me of all the things I need to keep track of, just not today. It's like the Planning-for-the-Future List.

[Editor's Note: Is it just me, or is the word list starting to not look like a real word anymore? - Kate]

Anyway, back to the's the thing with my Lists. If it's Tuesday's List or Safeway List or whatever, I need to get that sh*t done that day. McLovin can write the same thing on his list for 649 days in a row. Doesn't mean it will get done. Ever. He has had "Frequent Flyer Info" on his list for the entire time I've known him. Still hasn't organized the frequent flyer miles. But every Saturday, it's on the list.
I mean, if that's the case, write random crap on it you know you'll never do. "Rob Bank" "Get Fake Boobs" "Electrocute Self with Scissors and Outlet" "Call About Pet Tiger" "Win Nobel Prize" "Buy Pet Tiger" -- The list could literally be endless. Because, I don't know about you, but I can think of about ten jillion things I never plan to do.
My probelm, however, seemed in this case to be with the eight things that I did need to do. The Monday List. The Monday List that Blew Up.
  • Costco
  • Music Class
  • Microwave
  • Call American Express
  • Dentist
  • RfM Housekeeping + New
  • Safeway
  • RSVP e-mail
Bear in mind, of course, that Costco, Safeway, and RfM (that's this...what you're reading) all had their own lists. The other stuff could be immediately scratched off. Just needed to do them. And then my day blew up.
  • Drop kids off at school and return home to shower before taking Happy to school

  • Return to school 15 minutes later, still unshowered, because Lefty forgot his homework folder with the permission form he needed by that day

  • Return to school 10 minutes after I get home for the second time because McGee left her Patrol Belt at home and, "moooooom, I can't do my patrol without my belt" -- I was half in the shower when she called. Left the house in jeans, McLovin's sweatshirt, no bra and wet, but not yet washed, hair. Super.

  • Race through shower, take Happy to school, forget tuition check again (because it's NOT ON THE LIST!)

  • Get made fun of by Lydia in the parking lot for looking like a Wet Hot Mess.

  • Return home AGAIN to finish getting ready

  • Leave for Costco, only to arrive with no Costco card. List? Yes. Card? Nope.

  • Scream obscenities in the car

  • Call about microwave in Costco parking lot. They don't service microwaves. Best bet is to buy a new one.

  • Add "Buy Microwave" to Tuesday's List. Fan.Tas.Tic.

  • Realize forgot to give geriatric dog medication. Return home. Again. Take microwave information inside for research after kids go to bed.

  • Go to pick up Happy.

  • Call Dentist. Get the machine. They close at noon on Monday. "Please call back tomorrow." Please. Go. Suck. It.

  • Leave for Safeway. As I'm making the drive, I'm doing an inventory on the passenger seat. Happy? Yep. List? Yep. Coupons? Yep. Purse? Purse? WTF? Realize purse is on kitchen counter. With microwave information. Mu.Thur.Fur.Ker.

  • Sit in car on side of road.

  • Listen to Happy say "Mur. Thur. Fur. Ker." Try not to laugh.

  • Watch BIG Walgreen's 18-wheeler pull up next to me. Maude-face the driver.

  • Agree to lead him to road he can't seem to find. Get directions off my Precious. Write them down. Pat self of back for being a Good Citizen.

  • Race back to Lefty's school AGAIN for Music Demonstration Class. Best part of my day. Get to cross something off my goddamn list.

  • Call American Express. Don't remember my "personal 4-digit security code" that I created 87 years ago. Hang up.

  • Add "Find AmEx PIN" and lots of curse words to my Tuesday list

  • Add "Rewrite Tuesday List" to today's list -- stupid brain.

  • Go back home. Purse is mocking me on the counter.

  • Realize Happy hasn't had lunch. Oops. Go to find youngest child to provide nourishment, even though I've failed at both attempts to purchase nourishment. Find him asleep on the floor.

  • Sit down at computer to RSVP. Realize date might have a conflict. Need to talk to McLovin.

  • Add "McLovin RSVP?" to newly written Tuesday List

  • Call kid across street to sit in my house with Happy so I can go get McGee and Lefty.

  • Return to school for 6,000th time today. Principal says, "Nice to see you again." I'm pretty sure you get in trouble for telling the principal to Suck It.

  • Return home. Again. I spent the whole damn day in the car. Drove 83 miles and never got further than 6 miles away from my house.

  • Add "Get Gas" to Tuesday's List

  • Assist with homework, reading, school projects, preventing injuries, playing Bad Cop and fixing snacks.
Which brings me back to the kitchen table. And my blown up day. And a Monday list that only has one thing crossed off. McLovin offers to pour me a glass of wine. He thinks I deserve it. I say no. It's part of my Lent List.

He suggests, ever so gently, that maybe I shouldn't be quite so list manic.

I tell him I'll think about it. After he goes to bed, I look at my List List. At the bottom I write "Less Lists?" But I write it in pencil. I can totally erase that.

Oh, one last thing...
  • RfM Housekeeping + New
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  1. I know this is a post about lists, but I'll be honest, you lost me at bright blue sharpie. (Looks down at Monday list. Adds Buy pretty sharpies for future list making. Then adds begin master list list)

    I'm sorry. I have learned nothing. (It's pathetic, isn't it?)

  2. HAHAHA I totally laughed out loud at M's comment. Because, bright blue sharpie caught my attention too.

  3. Are you saying that making salad doesn't count as cooking? I guess I'll have to scratch "cooking" off my list of domestic skills now.

  4. I have a list board on my fridge. It is divided in half with Husband's list and my list. Somehow, only my list seems to change...

    I feel for ya on the blown up days!

  5. Blown-up days are any day ending in Y in my household. But I do puffy-heart love my lists, and thank you for validating my love of lists and lists of lists. You rock.

  6. ... that reminds me, I need to make a list of things I need to get done when I get home tonight...

  7. I love making lists!! Only, I am more of a geek than you are and my lists are in Excel, but then I realize that I will have to email myself the list from work to home and I don't have the same version of Excel at home and wind up just copying the list to paper anyway... and pretty much never crossing anything off.

  8. Sharpie got me too. I actually have a drawer of bright sharpies my husband bought and I thought WTF do I need these for? Now I do...multi colored list!

  9. I miss lists in Sharpie, around my house if i had a sharpie ANYWHERE one of the monsters would find it and it would end up on a wall as yet another thing on my list to take care of (I think its easier to MOVE then to get sharpie covered up) so my lists are in washable marker or on occasion.... crayon.

  10. Had someone been observing me as I read this they might have thought I'd lost my mind. I could not stop laughing as I recognized the "hair on fire" activity.

  11. I love lists, mostly because I don't trust my brain to remember things (it has only gotten worse since I became a mom). I recently went from being a paper list person to a droid app list person...checking off my completed items on my phone isn't nearly as satisfying as crossing it off on paper though. If I was a smarter I would write an app that allowed me to cross my items off with a finger swipe...

  12. I understand the lists. I make them and use them because I would forget (and have) essential things without those lists.

  13. I don't do lists, my days still explode but I don't have written evidence of it.

    I know people with two lists one of what they plan and on of what they have done (so they can cross something off). There is rarely a crossover.

  14. totally forgot about my love of list, maybe that is what is lacking in my life?? love your blog, came back today wondering about the kate gosselin update and yet it isn't here. please don't tease me like that, i gave up a whole list of things for lent and then only thing i've stuck w/ is facebook.

  15. I make beautiful lists. Then I leave them on the refrigerator door and never remember what I wrote on them. I want Sharpie pens so they'll at least look pretty there!

  16. earthmuffinmommy,

    It's there...go to the post about Kate Gosselin and there's a PS at the bottom of it!

    We wouldn't tease you like that....well, Lydia would ;-)

    xoxo Kate

    PS I gave up my personal FB page too...I think my FB friends think I died. Or, my they're just really really status updates tend to suck ;-)

  17. I use a white board now. At least that way, I eventually have to erase the old lists (that didn't get done) so that I can make a new list! Did I say "a" white board? I meant 5 or 6! One thing I learned though...don't erase the completed items! It makes it look like you didn't do anything all day! So I still cross things off! And as a bonus...occasionally items get accidentally erased because I have stacked more white board (lists) on top of it. Those chores got rubbed out!
    As for your day blowing up...those are days when I figure the universe is trying to tell me to start over. And the only way to start a day over? Naptime;) (Those are the times when I'm happy my kids are teens now...naptime is actually a possibility! Keep the faith, all you moms of little ones...your naptime WILL come someday!)

  18. I have been known to complete a chore, realize it's not on my list, then add it to my list just so I can cross it off!

  19. Blue Sharpie caught my attention too, as well as your handwriting. This is mainly because your handwriting with said Sharpie looks almost identical to my own. I thought maybe you somehow got a hold of my list. Then I realized that your list list did not say "Grocery list: Get Calgon and go away" :)

  20. Ever make a list, do stuff not on list, then write that stuff on list just to CROSS IT OFF????
    I do it all the time. It makes me feel better that while I haven't completed all my list, I did other stuff.




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