Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Top 10 Questions You Need Never Ask Lydia

A few weeks ago, my friend Ellen got a phone call.  The person on the other end of the phone said: "Ma'am, this is blahblahblah at SuperFancySpa.  You have a pre-paid one-hour massage.  Would you like to schedule it now?" 

After Maude-facing her, I was like: "Are you kidding me?  That is one question that you would never, ever have to ask me."  Then it ocurred to me that were a lot of questions that you need never ask me.  Because I am an ass.  So the answer is always, always yes.

The Top Ten Questions You Need Never Ask Lydia

10. Can I pour you another glass?

9. What do you want me to do with all the leftover pizza?

8. Is that funny to you?

7. Are those your kids? The ones that appear to be playing dodgeball? In the church sanctuary?

6. Is that a coffee stain on your boob?

5. Do you want to go to Cracker Barrel?

4. Those look like yoga pants - the same yoga pants - are they?

3. Was that a yawn? Are you tired or something?

2. Did your six old just tell me that my hair "looks fierce"?

1. Did you know that you have a dryer sheet stuck to your ass?

PS: Just realized that I spelled "appropriate" wrong in the wine glass picture.  Maybe I shouldn't be drinking a t-box while I'm joking about them. 


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