Friday, April 30, 2010

The Music I Like Is Hip (Replacement)

I have always been a music lover.  Though unlike everyone else in my entire family I have no musical ability whatsoever.  Actually, the Cap'n may be worse than me.  When he is forced to sing in public (think National Anthem at ballgames or hymns in church), he pretends.  He just moves his mouth but no sound comes out.  Or if sound is coming out it is a very quiet sound audible only to dogs and NSA listening devices.  Because I am usually standing right next to him and I hear nothing.  But as he explains it, no singing is better than really, really bad singing - then he looks pointedly at me over his glasses.  Yes, I get the point.  I am not a talented singer. 

Stupid Cap'n.

Another thing you should know is that I'm kind of obnoxious about being into music and I'm always like: "You haaaaave to hear this song!!!" as if I were fourteen and had just taped it onto a cassette from the radio in my bedroom in 1987. Most of my friends and family humor me, probably just to get me to be quiet and leave them alone. And that's fine. As long as they listen to the song and nod appreciatively. So that's another way I am painfully immature.

But let's be clear about something, just because I love music and I'm nerdy about it does not mean that I have good taste.  I mean, I still love Duran Duran.  But I also love Radiohead.  It's the same thing with me and movies.  One night it's 'Pride and Prejudice' and the next its 'Smokey and the Bandit'.  I understand that I am not cool.  But I think I'm a little awesome for loving even really cheesy and stupid stuff. 

I mean, I like Tom Jones without the irony.  America's Top 40? Love it.  Cheesy hits from the 80's?  Bring it on.  Hair bands?  I'm from NJ so even yesser.  American Idol?  DVR every episode.
 
But then I heard Justin Beiber.  Oh my goodness.  This kid.  He is everywhere and that stinking "Baby" song is a damned ear-worm.  I thought he was a girl when I heard him on the radio.  Then I saw his picture and I thought: this kid looks exactly like someone I knew who was a Women's Studies major at Smith College.  Then we saw him perform.  Thumbelina was beside herself.  Hawk was looking forward to seeing what all the fuss was about.  Then he saw what Justin Beiber actually looked like, rolled his eyes and mutterred the now classic line:

"That's him? He doesn't even look like a beaver."

Let's be honest.  Depending on your definition of "beaver",  Justin looks exactly like one. Apparently, I was far from the first person to make this observation, as a link was sent to me from a friend (see picture below) - this website also has pictures of cats that look like Wilfred Brimley and how awesome is that?


Because I adore music of all kinds and have the fully-loaded iPod (my Precious) to prove it, my children have been exposed to pretty interesting stuff.  And it never fails to surprise me what they're going to love.  At two and half, Hawk heard "We Are the Champions" and it blew his little mind.  At four, Thumbelina memorized "Since U Been Gone" and spent a year singing it as loud as possible whenever it was least appropriate to do so.  And this is all great, because there's only so much kid music I can take.  Especially when baby #3 came around I was like, if I have to spend four more years listening to the Wheels on The Bus every time I get in the damn car I am going to have a brain hemmorrhage.

I decided last year that I was no longer going to subject myself to a musical diet of all Disney all the time.  We were going to rock out at least 50% of the time, usually in the car.  But it's hard because radio stations for the most part suck balls.  Ke$ha's "Tik Tok"?  Do I really want my six year old singing about how she brushes her teeth with a bottle of Jack?  No, I do not.  And while I can judiciously play stuff from the grown-up side of the iPod, sometimes something not quite safe for little ears pops up.  Here's what you get on my iPod when you hit shuffle:

Poker Face - Lady Gaga
H.O.V.A (IZZO) - Jay Z
Laurie's Got a Pig On her Head - Laurie Berkner
Karate - Tenacious D
Wichita Lineman - Glen Campbell*
Planet Earth - Duran Duran**
Imagination Movers Theme Song - Imagination Movers
Baby - Justin Beiber***

* I l-o-v-e this song and yes, I know what that says about me.
** Please note that Simon Le Bon looks less like a "New Romantic" and more like a "Gay Pirate".
*** I'm sorry but the ear-worm is now in your brain. Blame Thumbelina.

Do you get a sense of what I'm talking about?  I am not mentally ill, despite what my iPod says about me.  I recently had to own up to the fact that 2/3 of my offspring know all the words to "My Hair Looks Fierce".  I totally understand that this is not even right

The other day I was driving Hawk to school and I was fiddling with the radio.  Justin Beiber was on every station.  If he wasn't singing in his freaky, ear-worm, girl voice they were talking about him.  I then heard a morning show discussing a woman who had gotten implants that were double F's and they were making her tip over.  I glanced in the rear view mirror in time to see my little boy visibly perk up at the mention of boobies.  I quickly changed the station.  I landed on one that played three songs in a row that I loved and haven't heard in ages:

Like a Bird - Nelly Furtado
No Rain - Blind Melon
Closing Time - Semisonic

I was so happy.  Hawk loved the songs too and I started planning on how quickly I could get them onto my iPod when the station's DJ informed me that I was listening to an OLDIES STATION.

What. The. Hell. Is. He. Talking. About?  I am 37.  I am not old.  These songs are not old.  Closing Time came out the year after I got married... 1998.  And that was only... 12 years ago

Crap. 

What has happened to me?  Somehow in the last few years I have become one of these guys, sitting in the balcony heckling everyone that everything nowadays sucks.  Because the stuff I like is apparently on the oldies station.  No wonder I see a Justin Beiber video and I'm all: "Seriously?  I don't get it."  Because I am too old and lame to get it.

Well that's just fine.  I'm going to put on some Tom Jones, watch a little Smokey and the Bandit and cut some coupons. 

xo, Lydia

PS: I wasn't kidding about the cats...


PPS: Check back this afternoon around lunchtime for another rockin' music post:
"Songs You Can Listen to With Your Kids That Don't Suck".Share
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