Friday, April 30, 2010

The Music I Like Is Hip (Replacement)

I have always been a music lover.  Though unlike everyone else in my entire family I have no musical ability whatsoever.  Actually, the Cap'n may be worse than me.  When he is forced to sing in public (think National Anthem at ballgames or hymns in church), he pretends.  He just moves his mouth but no sound comes out.  Or if sound is coming out it is a very quiet sound audible only to dogs and NSA listening devices.  Because I am usually standing right next to him and I hear nothing.  But as he explains it, no singing is better than really, really bad singing - then he looks pointedly at me over his glasses.  Yes, I get the point.  I am not a talented singer. 

Stupid Cap'n.

Another thing you should know is that I'm kind of obnoxious about being into music and I'm always like: "You haaaaave to hear this song!!!" as if I were fourteen and had just taped it onto a cassette from the radio in my bedroom in 1987. Most of my friends and family humor me, probably just to get me to be quiet and leave them alone. And that's fine. As long as they listen to the song and nod appreciatively. So that's another way I am painfully immature.

But let's be clear about something, just because I love music and I'm nerdy about it does not mean that I have good taste.  I mean, I still love Duran Duran.  But I also love Radiohead.  It's the same thing with me and movies.  One night it's 'Pride and Prejudice' and the next its 'Smokey and the Bandit'.  I understand that I am not cool.  But I think I'm a little awesome for loving even really cheesy and stupid stuff. 

I mean, I like Tom Jones without the irony.  America's Top 40? Love it.  Cheesy hits from the 80's?  Bring it on.  Hair bands?  I'm from NJ so even yesser.  American Idol?  DVR every episode.
But then I heard Justin Beiber.  Oh my goodness.  This kid.  He is everywhere and that stinking "Baby" song is a damned ear-worm.  I thought he was a girl when I heard him on the radio.  Then I saw his picture and I thought: this kid looks exactly like someone I knew who was a Women's Studies major at Smith College.  Then we saw him perform.  Thumbelina was beside herself.  Hawk was looking forward to seeing what all the fuss was about.  Then he saw what Justin Beiber actually looked like, rolled his eyes and mutterred the now classic line:

"That's him? He doesn't even look like a beaver."

Let's be honest.  Depending on your definition of "beaver",  Justin looks exactly like one. Apparently, I was far from the first person to make this observation, as a link was sent to me from a friend (see picture below) - this website also has pictures of cats that look like Wilfred Brimley and how awesome is that?

Because I adore music of all kinds and have the fully-loaded iPod (my Precious) to prove it, my children have been exposed to pretty interesting stuff.  And it never fails to surprise me what they're going to love.  At two and half, Hawk heard "We Are the Champions" and it blew his little mind.  At four, Thumbelina memorized "Since U Been Gone" and spent a year singing it as loud as possible whenever it was least appropriate to do so.  And this is all great, because there's only so much kid music I can take.  Especially when baby #3 came around I was like, if I have to spend four more years listening to the Wheels on The Bus every time I get in the damn car I am going to have a brain hemmorrhage.

I decided last year that I was no longer going to subject myself to a musical diet of all Disney all the time.  We were going to rock out at least 50% of the time, usually in the car.  But it's hard because radio stations for the most part suck balls.  Ke$ha's "Tik Tok"?  Do I really want my six year old singing about how she brushes her teeth with a bottle of Jack?  No, I do not.  And while I can judiciously play stuff from the grown-up side of the iPod, sometimes something not quite safe for little ears pops up.  Here's what you get on my iPod when you hit shuffle:

Poker Face - Lady Gaga
H.O.V.A (IZZO) - Jay Z
Laurie's Got a Pig On her Head - Laurie Berkner
Karate - Tenacious D
Wichita Lineman - Glen Campbell*
Planet Earth - Duran Duran**
Imagination Movers Theme Song - Imagination Movers
Baby - Justin Beiber***

* I l-o-v-e this song and yes, I know what that says about me.
** Please note that Simon Le Bon looks less like a "New Romantic" and more like a "Gay Pirate".
*** I'm sorry but the ear-worm is now in your brain. Blame Thumbelina.

Do you get a sense of what I'm talking about?  I am not mentally ill, despite what my iPod says about me.  I recently had to own up to the fact that 2/3 of my offspring know all the words to "My Hair Looks Fierce".  I totally understand that this is not even right

The other day I was driving Hawk to school and I was fiddling with the radio.  Justin Beiber was on every station.  If he wasn't singing in his freaky, ear-worm, girl voice they were talking about him.  I then heard a morning show discussing a woman who had gotten implants that were double F's and they were making her tip over.  I glanced in the rear view mirror in time to see my little boy visibly perk up at the mention of boobies.  I quickly changed the station.  I landed on one that played three songs in a row that I loved and haven't heard in ages:

Like a Bird - Nelly Furtado
No Rain - Blind Melon
Closing Time - Semisonic

I was so happy.  Hawk loved the songs too and I started planning on how quickly I could get them onto my iPod when the station's DJ informed me that I was listening to an OLDIES STATION.

What. The. Hell. Is. He. Talking. About?  I am 37.  I am not old.  These songs are not old.  Closing Time came out the year after I got married... 1998.  And that was only... 12 years ago


What has happened to me?  Somehow in the last few years I have become one of these guys, sitting in the balcony heckling everyone that everything nowadays sucks.  Because the stuff I like is apparently on the oldies station.  No wonder I see a Justin Beiber video and I'm all: "Seriously?  I don't get it."  Because I am too old and lame to get it.

Well that's just fine.  I'm going to put on some Tom Jones, watch a little Smokey and the Bandit and cut some coupons. 

xo, Lydia

PS: I wasn't kidding about the cats...

PPS: Check back this afternoon around lunchtime for another rockin' music post:
"Songs You Can Listen to With Your Kids That Don't Suck".Share
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  1. Dude! I had that happen to me last week!! I was rocking out to Guns n' Roses, Pearl Jam and..I think it was Lisa Loeb (that "You say...blah blah blah blahdy blah blah" song) and it was on the oldies station! Lies! I'm not that old!

  2. My five year old SON (did I say, son? yes, my son) loooooves Taylor Swift. It's embarrassing.

    Thank goodness for my 2 year olds obsession with Jason Mraz.

  3. I am in awe of your ability to name song titles and artists! You probably know all the words too, don't you? And the correct ones at that! Makes me a little jealous!

  4. My son was JUST listening to hair looks Fierce and dancing around the living room while I was reading this. He's 2. and yes I realize that isn't right, but it's his favorite. He also adores Laurie Berkner, so I assume one cancels out the other...right?
    Anyway, I must be into oldies too and can't wait to see what awesome music is coming up later on!

  5. You gals crack me up. I'd rather go for "Wild Boys" and I still swoon when I think of my Duran Duran covered high school locker. John Taylor was my favorite. I share your love of music, disdain for ear worm tunes, and cannot stand the fact that my music is on oldies stations either. I had never thought of Bieber as one of those cute butchy girls, but I love it! I wonder if that is a demog for him. I too want my kids to know music from Led Zepplin to MaryJ with a little bit of Raffi thrown in for good measure. Thanks for the morning laugh. Cheers!

  6. Awesome beyond words! This is how I feel when listening to my fave hip hop stations and they pull out an "Old School Classic" and it's something from '96 and Notorious B.I.G. I am sitting there wondering when did I get so old that this song is considered a classic?? Le sigh...

  7. I too love the Bieb's "Baby". I often try to break out his dance moves from his Saturday Night Live appearance while my two kids look on with something close to indifferent disgust.
    xo Amy

  8. RE: Justin Beiber. There is a website solely devoted to this.

  9. First of all Cats that look like Wilfred Brimley, even YESER!

    Secondly you're not old and lame Lydia, today's pop music is what is LAME. If we weren't fortunate enough to have our listener supported radio station WXPN, I would never turn the radio on.

    So get on with your bad self and blare that i-pod!

    (Thanks to never having heard this Justin Beiber I now have "Closing Time" in my head.)

  10. I agree about Justin daughter started dancing at the bowling alley for her birthday and I just sat and shook my head.
    Luckily my husband introduces the kids to music like Bob Marley, The Abbott brothers. I take care of classical things like Wicked and Peter Pan (the musical). Somewhere they'll find their own taste. Hoepfully without the beav though!

  11. Laughing & smiling even tho I had I was up all night with a teething 5 month old (thank God she's so cute) & a 3yr old with leg cramps (he is already wearing 5T, why is he STILL growing?). So, thank you for bringing back some good "rocking it out" memories, making me laugh, & snapping me out of my "I am so tired I don't know my last name, this day is crap & I've no hope for a nap, self pity mode... :)

  12. Closing Time is now considered oldies? *sigh* That song always reminds me of college. I love that Wilfred Brimley cat website.

    My five year old has very good musical tastes, he can sing all of Billy Joel's "Pressure".

    Keisha (and no, I am not adding the $ sign to her name because it is moronic) grates.

  13. Your iPod is bi-polar my husband's. Only he's a construction worker who plays it out loud on jobs. So it cycles from some scream rock insanity to Ralph's World At the Bottom of the Sea. Hilarious. He has stopped rushing to switch it and just lets it play out now...

  14. Oh yeah, I had a massive fail of a day Tuesday, Lydia, and thought of you. I thought that you would get a kick out of what happened to my ipod earbuds (hint, be sure to keep yours FAR away from a toilet):

  15. Tears. Laughing with tears. LOVE it.

  16. O.M.G. I love your music tastes! Well, mostly. That Justin Beiber song is really annoying. And holy schmidt, I'm only 28 and I listen to all those songs and I DON'T GET SONGS TODAY EITHER. What the...??!!?!!??

    It's just not fair.

    P.S. Can you put all of your songs my my iPhone so I can jam out in my car and show my daughter (who'll be one in a WEEK) what good songs sound like??

  17. Your IPOD list looks exactly like mine, I have everything from Laurie Berkner to Hannah Montana to Eminem (only the clean cuts though because my 10 y/o loves to grab the bad words in any song). My 3 y/o is currently in love with "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum and she totally knows all the words. So awesome when we're in the grocery store and she's singing about being a "little drunk".

  18. "Closing Time" is an epic, epic song. But calling that oldies is like calling "Sex and Candy" oldies, of which it is not. I'm 23, I'd like to think that songs that came out when I was 12 aren't considered Oldies. Sixth grade wasn't that long ago...

  19. My parents always said the music we listened to was crap and you couldn't understand the words. These were the days of Duran Duran, NKOTB (yep, that's what I said), Led Zepplin, Doors,(a little out of order) basically everything from the 60's thru 90's. Dad was a Big Band Era type guy.
    I like a lot of the stuff today HOWEVER, the Beaver kid needs to stop!!! Someone please make him stop doing interviews, he's 15!! He gives moronic answers to questions and he thinks he's the schmidt!! Maybe if his trainers kept him out of sight and just let him sing then people would like this "new girl on the radio".

  20. My almost 4 year old loves all the America Idols, especially Glambert. Journey. Gorillaz. Bon Jovi. The National. B.o.B.

    He finds all these on iTunes through the appleTV. Our greatest friend and foe at the same time. It shows only 30 sec at a time (all suitable for kids - sort of). So sometimes we are subjected to a "groundhog day" style attack of listening to the same cr@ppy 1/2 minute of David Archaletta for what seems like HOURS.

    Thank goodness I found the parental controls early on but only after he bought P!nks entire catalogue (since removed as NSFToddler) and Season 13 of South Park (yesser NSFT). And that lesson only cost me $70!

  21. Justin Beaver, ugh! My 14-year old daughter is in LOVE with him. She says she keeps dreaming of him and in one they got married. I told her he almost got trampled the other day and she CRIED....

  22. My 9 yo is "so in love with Justin Beiber" and I'm like really? seriously? umm NO.

    Of course my selections of Get Low, Candy Shop, Lick It are not quite appropriate for 9, 6 and 2 y. ears... so we compromise to Sugarland, Tristan Prettyman, Lifehouse and I throw in a little Miranda Lambert as well (my passive aggressive way of dealing with the ex)

  23. You think you're old NOW??? Just wait until the songs you like are too old for the oldies station and you have to get SATELLITE RADIO to hear them!

    I'm only 44, but I like 50s/60s music. I like to see a Beatles Tribute band that plays locally in Houston TX, to which the median age of the audience likes to listen to "walk & woll" music - that's how you pronounce it without your teeth! They "WALK OUT" with their rolling walkers!

    Seriously, they aren't that bad, but I once saw one guy who must have been in his 70s (ROCK ON, DUDE), and (and here's the sick part) his "date" (I use the term loosely) for the evening looked like he had to sign a permission slip for her to get in the bar. But he got down with his bad self, I'll give him that.

    Did I just say ROCK ON, DUDE?


  24. Okay, so I may not be a Mommy but I a) ADORE this site and b) have two adorable Howler Monkey's who are my nieces. I now call the youngest Fancy, she is ridiculously cute, and totally evil. It's a deadly combo!
    It’s because of her I get your Tik Tok comment. Last summer while back home for vacation and looking after her I step outside the camp to hear her wailing her heart out "Wake up in the morning feeling like P-diddy, before I leave brush my teeth with a bottle of jack" it was at that point my gawfing must have alerted her to my presence because she turned around and saw us staring at her in abject horror. Did she stop? Blush? Show ANY sign that she realized what she’d said or done? No. Instead she trusts out her left foot and wiggling her hips scream/sings "Pedicure on our toes, toes" and while spinning and doing what can only be described as a cowgirl-on-a-bull-ride-it move continues "trying on all our clothes, clothes..." I couldn't take it... I laughed my face off. The best part? She was 4. *sigh I'll have my hands full with her when she grows boobs and realizes it. Someone pass me a T-box?

  25. I laughed out loud at your son's line -- "That's him? He doesn't even look like a beaver." Give that boy a guest post.

  26. i just love aloe vera. it makes my face so much soft. it is a good plant. cheers




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