Friday, April 9, 2010

Open Letter to Stupid People

Dear Stupid and Inconsiderate Jackholes,

One of you recently told our friend Kitty that her adopted child wasn't real. Rather than give you the beating you so richly deserve, she had a cocktail and wrote to us. When we posted her rant, we got tons of comments on Facebook and the blog. It turns out that either you have been busy telling many, many people the same bullschmidt or there are a lot of your idiotic, hateful, useless counterparts out there. Asking stupid questions. Making pointless and obnoxious observations. Often, in front of our kids.

We asked our mommy friends on Facebook to tell us the stupidest crap anyone has ever said to them in front of their kids. And we had A LOT to choose from. Because like we said - apparently, there are a lot of you floating around out there being douchey for no good reason.

So here is what you sent us. Jackholes, this is a list of:

Things NOT to Say to a Mom in Front of her Kids
(followed by what Kate and Lydia would like to say in response)

"Your twin daughters aren't real "twins" because you did not give them rhyming names and they aren't identical." (OK. Well then let me introduce you to my identical FISTS - Smash and Bash.)

"Is one of your twins more intelligent than the other?" (No. But they're both smarter than you, C-bag.)

"I splashed a bunch of water in your son's face and he didn't like it at all. I think he's autistic." (Autistic? No. Unhappy? Yes. And I think you're now going to get your face splashed by potty water when I shove it in the commode for making my kid cry.)

"You're a single mom? And all of these kids are yours? Oh my Gawd. How do you do it? It must be sooooo hard." (Thank you for your heartlessfelt concern, Random Stranger. It would actually be a lot easier if you would shut the hell up.)

"Your son was conceived via IVF? Then he is an abomination and he is not real." (Heifer, you'd better start running because I just called Kate and Lydia. And they're so pissed they're bringing the Momma Squad to take care of your ass.)

"Did you conceive your twins naturally?" (Yes. Lots and lots of dirty sex. Two orgasms = two babies. I'm guessing there's a reason you didn't know that. You look pretty uptight.)

"Your mommy is mean mean mean and she doesn't love you! Otherwise she would let you eat that third hotdog!" (I'm about to get Mean Mommy all up in here and that third hot dog is getting crammed down your word-hole.)

"Are your children triplets? Are they identical? Yes, I mean the two boys and the little girl right here." (Umm.. I think you just answered your own question, Genius, but just in case you're still having trouble: NO. The girl has a vagina.")

"It is so nice of you to volunteer in the classroom today. Especially at your age." (I'm 40, arsehole. And that's just old enough to shoot lasers out of my eyes and kill you for that comment.)

"You certainly do have your hands full with those stair steps, dontcha? You know what causes that, huh??" (Yes. Again - lots and lots of dirty sex. But usually I don't talk about it in front of my three year old. But thanks. Also, you're about to have your hands full. Of your ass- cause I'm about to hand it to you.)

"You have the WHITEST kids I have ever seen. I mean blond hair and blue eyes and there's no denying that they are WHITE kids." (Oh for pete's sake, let's not tell their father that, mmmmkay? Because he's Black.)

"Ok, one more shot for you little man and this one is REALLY GONNA HURT so don't tense up and don't cry." (Why don't you just tell him that a dragon is going to come out of the waiting room in the Dr.'s coat and bite his head off, you stupid cow?)

"Your little boy is really, really big. How big was he when he was born? Dang. You must have BLASTDOORS down there, if ya know what I mean. Heh heh heh" (I'm about to blast something right now so you better brace yourself, douchebag.)

"Are you breastfeeding that baby, Lady? Because it might help you get rid of that gut." (I would respond to the rudeness of that comment but I can't. Because I can't stop staring at your enormous man-breasts. Maybe you should try breastfeeding. Or pectoral implants. Otherwise, you might want to consider a bra.)

"So you're saying these kids are triplets? There's no way. No no no. I'm telling you there's no way that they're triplets. Two of them might be twins..." (I'm telling you, Captain Farckwad, that all three of these kids emerged from my loins and are in fact triplets. If you want to keep arguing with me I will respond with a Chuck Norris-style roundhouse kick to your stupid, blathering head.)

"No, see, women who own cats can't conceive babies. It is a known fact. It's science." (Hmmmm.... Then I wish your mother had owned one.)

"How did you sneak in all those Easter Bunny footprints? Chalk, right? Or.... Oh. Sorry, honey. The Easter Bunny is totally real." (And I'm totally going to need this chalk to outline your corpse after I murder you.)

"Excuse me? Are those your kids? Do they have the same daddy?" (Excuse me? Complete stranger? Is that your fat ass? I thought so. Could you please get your head out of it before you ask me any more questions?)

"Did you put that baby in a tanning bed? Shame on you! That is the most horrible thing I ever saw! How could you even... Oh. Is this your husband? So he's... Mmmm Hmmm..." (Yes, you semi-literate, idiotic monkey-whore, my baby is brown. And so is my husband. In fact, you may call us The Browns. As you walk away in shame.)

"Women who have c-sections don't properly bond with their babies, you know." (Really? Well, women who taunt new mommies right after they have surgery get roundhouse kicks to the face from Kate and Lydia, you know?)

"Wow! You're pregnant again? What are you going to do if it's another boy?!" (What an inspired question, schmidt-head! I could surgically remove his wiener the same way you surgically removed your frontal cortex. What do you think of that idea?)

"You shouldn't act up like that in public, young lady! You oughtta mind your mother! What are you, stupid?" (Actually, getting into verbal disputes with random three year olds while bagging their mother's groceries makes you a GENIUS.)

"If you make the kids stand in the corner THEY WILL GO BLIND. It's a FACT. Do you want to be a bad mother and make your kids go blind? I didn't think so. Then just hit them with a spoon the way God intended." (You need to go back to the Nervous Hospital, dude. Because that's just craaaazzzy talk.)

"Is your baby a boy? I see that he's wearing all pink and has bows in his hair and all.... But is he a boy?" (No. Are you sentient? I see that you walk upright and all... But are you sure you have brain function?)

"I am so sorry to hear that your daughter is so sick. If it was me I would be worried it might have been something I did or didn't do during pregnancy..." (Oh yes. You are sorry. Kate and Lydia just called. You're kicked out of MommyLand for being an evil douche.)

"The baby is just too pretty to be a boy!" (Is that even a compliment? Because it just makes you sound too stupid to live.)

"You're a single mother? I feel bad for your son growing up without a father. What hope does he have? He'll probably end up a juvenile delinquent." (Actually, you fat whore, I work at DSS and I saw you there last week. In handcuffs. So maybe you could BITE ME?)

"Did you make these snacks for the class? Seriously? You have waaaaayyyyy too much free time on your hands, honey." (THANK YOU is the response one generally expects from people when you make them food. But those are people with manners. So, apparently not you, you smelly pirate monkey.)

"Your child is far too big to be in a stroller/wearing diapers/not walking/suckin' on a binky. You are not being a good parent by letting this slide!" (Listen up, Buttercup. My child is BIG for his age. Like born weighing ten pounds big. BIG LIKE YOUR HEAD. If he is walking at eight months or not is NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS so be gone from my sight before I use this binky as a weapon.)

"Ma'am, your (3 yr old) daughter is a bossy little thing. If she doesn't stop being so bossy she will never find anyone to marry her." (I'm not worried about it and here's why. You are an gnarly, old, interfering, busybody SNITCH and somebody married you. So I think we're good.)

"Your daughter's feet are weird. It's hard for me to measure them for her new shoes. How does she walk on 'em?" (Hey jackhole, my daughter has cerebral palsy - as you may have friggin noticed - and I'm about to go upside your head with your metal foot measuring thingee and then we will both dance on your prone, unconscious body.)

"Your mommy must not know that hot dogs are choking hazards and that if she lets you eat that you could choke on it and die." (I only use hot dogs to choke grown-ups, son.)

"Wow, your kids are always sick. Poor things. Probably because they're in daycare." (Well, you always have diarrhea of the mouth. Probably because you're a schmidt-head.)

"Omigosh. Your son has the biggest head I have EVER SEEN. Like ever. Have they done a CAT scan or anything?" (Acehole, while perusing my son's head did you notice that he had ears? So did you consider that he just heard you. His big head holds a big brain which will develop important medical break-throughs such as douche-prevention techniques that will help humanity. And harm douchebags. Like you.)

"So, your son was born in Australia? Cool. I can see it...he looks Australian." (And you sound ridiculous. But thanks.)

"You're going to name your child WHAT? Oh no you can't do that! That's awful." (Oh I can. And you know what you can do? You can SUCK IT.)

"You have three BOYS?  Well better you than me - I would KILL myself if I had three boys!" (And I will kill myself if I have to talk to you for five more seconds).

"Is that your daughter? Is she adopted? Do you know why her real mom didn't want her?" (I do know what's not your business.  And I also know that I keep a case of whup-ass in the trunk of my car so you better stop asking me questions.)

"Why is your baby wearing a helmut?  Is he retarded?  Or do ya just think the mall is dangerous?" (The helmut is to protect him when I use this stroller to ram you until you fall down.  And then I start stomping.)

"She's a good stepmother, boys, and I know she's all you've got.  But she'll never love you the way your real mother would." (Step-mom is about to get all "El Tigre" on your ass to protect her young, so you might want to start running. RAWR!)

"You look really young.  Were you like twelve or something when you started having kids?  Were your parents mad?" (Ask them yourself.  They're in the car outside waiting to drive me home - because I don't have a license yet.  Just walk outside, right into traffic, and start walking around aimlessly in circles, you'll see them.)

"Your kid's ears stick out like a monkey! Haw haw!" (That is f*cking hillarious coming from a human/donkey hybrid.)

"So...Your son has a different dad than your daughter right? And it's not your husband right?" (Oh no!  Not my husband.  Your husband.)

"Why wouldn't you talk to your Grandpa on the phone?  You'd better get some better manners, little boy or the Halloween witch is going to come get you!" (Um... Grandma?  You are the Halloween witch.)

"Son, Jesus wouldn't like you doing that." (You know what else Jesus wouldn't like?  Me kicking your ass.)

"You mean he's never met his dad? Oh how sad. Poor little guy. You know boys really need their fathers. What are you going to do?"  (I'm going to remind you that there is a difference between a "father" and an absentee d-bag who is totally worthless to my little superstar.  Then I'm gonna kick your ass.)

"Who is that girl sitting over there? What?! Willie's wife? But she's BROWN?!?!? Oh dear Jesus! Then that little brown baby is [sounding absolutely appalled] Willie's boy?" (Yes, Ma'am!  Your brown family is here and the good news is that we're just gonna keep breeding! Woot!)

And let us conclude with this absolute gem.  Where daddy's actual come-back just can't be topped:

"My hubby once took our first son out of a restaurant so I could finish eating my meal in peace, and he got hungry while they were waiting for me. Some old lady passed by and told my hubby to "feed that baby, for God's sake.

His reply still makes me cheer: "Whip out your boob, and I will."

Thanks soooo much everyone for sharing all these horrifying tales with us! 
xo, Kate and Lydia

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54 comments:

  1. Oh my I think I just started to tear up a little Bravo!!!

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  2. Granted I started having children young, (I had 3 by time I was 22) but I am now 31 with 14, 12 and 9 yr olds, and people constantly feel the need to make the comment: "wow, you started young huh? How do your parents feel about this?" I wanna say "well, I'm still grounded, they are pretty pissed!" Idiots...

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  3. (Holding my son's ears against his head) "Wow, you are going to have to get this kiddo's ears pinned back when he's older. They stick out like a monkey's."

    I am on facebook but couldn't post because I am friends with this person on FB. Does it still count even though they aren't a stranger? And also does it still count even though my son is 5 months old?

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  4. "So your son has a different dad than your daughter right?"
    "Yes"
    "And it's not your husband right?"

    daughter-"what did she mean different daddy?"

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  5. new faves: "identical fists: smash and bash" and "word-hole"

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  6. (amid my son's meltdown in a store} mean person- You're ruining this for everyone in this store. Give your kid a sucker or get the hell out of the store.

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  7. Seriously, it is sort of like folks have a stupid button rather than an easy button. I have three under three because God thought it was hysterical when I told my husband he could have as many kids as two pregnancies allow. Thank you for the Princess, the Big Guy and his twin sister Peanut. Found out we were having twins when OctoMom blessed us all with her gossip. And then I got HUGE. Stupid people:

    "So you MEANT to have twins?" No, we just practice ALOT.
    "Are you sure there isn't a stowaway in there?" Are you trying to say I am fat? Becaue I will square up on you and beat you with my 3 inch high heel, pregnant or not.
    And my personal favorite: "Oooo, a boy and a girl, are they identical?" WHATT???

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  8. I have brown hair, my two boys are really blond. A random stranger said to me,"How did YOU end up with blond kids??" My husband has blond hair, which is beside the point, but I really wanted to ask the man, "how did you end up such a jacka$$?"

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  9. My hubby once took our first son out of a restaurant so I could finish eating my meal in peace, and he got hungry while they were waiting for me. Some old lady passed by and told my hubby to "feed that baby, for God's sake."
    His reply still makes me cheer:
    "Whip out your boob, and I will."

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  10. I was at the grocery store with my (at the time)3 and 4 y/o who were begging for candy in the check-out line despite being told no several times when the teen employee reached over and gave them a each sucker and told them 'you have a mean mommy'.

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  11. Ha Ha Ha! This made me laugh so hard.

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  12. one of my favorites, in front of my totally hypersensitive three-year-old son, from his grandmother, when he didn't want to talk on the cell phone to wish his granddad a happy birthday, "you'd better get some better manners or the Halloween witch is going to come get you!" Then, she sent him a card with a witch on it! She also, like the poster above wrote, spent his first year calling him Dumbo because she said his ears were too big. The poor kid's granddad also mocked him when he was proudly showing how he'd learned to play an instrument -- while he was still playing.

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  13. Totally LOVING Tracy's husband for his quick wit and for taking care of the baby so momma could eat!

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  14. Blast. Doors. Oh my, I'm dying.

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  15. "You should watch your kid better". (No, maybe YOU should watch my kid better, since you are the ****head who tried to pass a 3-year old while he was riding a bike, without bothering to announce that you were coming up on him!)

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  16. To a four-year old, "Jesus wouldn't like you doing that". (And Jesus probably wouldn't like me kicking your preachy a$$ outta my yard, either, so I guess him and me's just gonna be keepin' eachother company in hell!)

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  17. O.k., so this is a little mild compared to these other doozies, but . . . my 8-year old daughter does indeed have some dark hair on her legs, but its nothing freaky, but I'm sure my daughter enjoyed hearing one of my friends say "Good Lord look at those hairy legs. Are you a monkey or something?"

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  18. Before my son met his birth father and right in front of him..."You mean he's never met his dad? Oh how sad. Poor little guy. You know boys really need their fathers. What are you going to do?" Ummm, do you mean what am I going to do BEFORE or AFTER I kick your insensitive ass back to your home planet? And for the record, boys need good dads not douche bags that gave up a sperm and bailed!

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  19. My husband has a large family and the whole clan convenes twice a year, once in the spring and then again at Christmas. Great Grandpa's sister in law, Aunt Mary, get's re-introduced to me at the beginning of each of these gatherings. About halfway through the day (after lots of brandy and rum cake) she forgets who I am again and has to be reminded. Only now she's fairly well smashed, and her whispered conversations can be heard by half the neighborhood. They go something like this:

    Mary : Who is that girl sitting over there?
    Mary's husband, Jim : That's Willie's wife, dear.
    Mary : Willie's wife? But she's BROWN?!?!?
    [Jim just shrugs here, as if to say "I know, but what can you do? Kids these days."]
    Mary : Oh dear Jesus! Then that little brown baby is [sounding absolutely appalled]Willie's boy?

    Then for the rest of the day she treats Will like he's got the plague, and is also mentally handicapped and a social deviant.

    Luckily I caught on to this trend before she was able to do any permanent damage to my kid's psyche, so now I just make sure she has no direct contact with him. But someday he's going to overhear this conversation. Which is probably the day I'll end up incarcerated for beating the crap out of an old lady with her own walker.

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  20. Beautiful! I love your response to my submission about the corner making kids blind. It fits more than you know.

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  21. i was at walmart with my 4 kid and hubby and this lady came up to me and ask me if these were my kids and i said yes and she ask if that was there daddy and i said yes and she go on asking if i was sure that the kids were his and was would u like me to get a dna test for and she walk off all pissed

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  22. I have had several people comment on My Children's eye problems, & ask me if they have ever seen a doctor { they have several times} or why they look like that.. when my kids are standing NEXT to me.. People are retarded..rude, & downright mean & sometimes they don't even know how stupid they are.

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  23. As we were signing our lease papers today for a new apartment the chick in the office asked who my daughter prefered more, my husband or me... we were rather baffled.

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  24. I have fraternal twin boys who look NOTHING alike. One is blond haired, blue eyed, fair skinned and thick. The other is brown haired, brown eyed, lean, and thin. I always get comments on how they can't be twins or even brothers. I'm considering saying that they even have different fathers. It is scientifically possible. What cracks me up even more is when I'm asked if they're identical. Do people not know what identical means?

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  25. I had a store clerk call my son Despereaux seven times in the space of five minutes because his ears stuck out. Connor got all teary and asked why they kept calling him a mouse when he's a little boy.

    And when I was taking my 18 month old to the potty last Monday, I got stopped and treated to a lecture by an older woman who told me early potty training is associated with masturbating. Complete with Biblical quotes about seed spilling on the ground. We have some pleasant eccentrics in Alaska, but she was NOT one of them.

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  26. I have fraternal twin boys, and I just love it when I'm asked (time and time and time again) which one is the oldest. Seriously???

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  27. My all time favorite stupid comment was someone asking me if my kids were triplets. They were 6,4 and 2 at the time. Then they astounded me with thier ability to breath without any brain function at all by asking if I was sure when I said no. I am pretty certain - seems like a 4 year labour would be something I'd catch on to...

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  28. I love all of these!! All proof that people need to just keep their mouths shut.

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  29. I was walking through Target with my mom, and my daughter Payton, who is racially mixed, was sitting in the basket of the cart (she was around a year old). This complete idiot woman walks up and says, "My goodness! Your baby is so TAN! Did you put her in a tanning bed?" My mom, with a completely straight face, looks over and says, "Yep. Sure did. We just had to strap her down until she learned not to wiggle around." Priceless.

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  30. My goodness! My husband and I were out walking with our boys one day, when the twins were about 6 months old and our older son was 3 1/2. A random stranger came over, looked into the stroller and said "three boys? I'm so sorry for you! And twins, too!"
    We were thrilled to have twins, and three boys is great, not something to be pitied for!

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  31. Even though I'm not a Mom...

    My Mom had my half-sister when I was 12, & thanks to her Dad's & our grandmother's DNA, she ended up with flaming red hair while I ended up with blonde. When we went to the beach a few years later (making me 15), my boyfriend - who coincidentally also has red hair - had an old woman stopped us in the store to ask us...
    Crotchity old woman: Is that child yours?
    Me: (Very confused) Um...
    Crotchity old woman: That is atrocious. Kids these days. Shame on you for having a child at your age.
    Me: Ma'am she's now ours-
    Crotchity old woman: That child is going to be so damaged because of you. Poor thing.

    My sister was bewildered, as if she understood the complete and utter nonsense of the situation.

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  32. I am a blond and my husband has almost black hair. We have a son with red hair and a daughter with light brown hair. One day while the 4 of us were shopping in Target a woman came up and asked "Who are their Daddys the UPS guy and the lawn guy?"

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  33. LOL at Ruth's comment about a 4 year labor and Holley's mom!! Awesome.
    Hubby is simultaneously proud and appalled at being mentioned here!!

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  34. My sister and I were pregnant at the same time. We were due a week apart, We were asked all the time if we got pregnant at the same time intentionally, or if we had planned it..... seriously people!

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  35. My 18 month old disabled son was in his stroller while we were out and about, a woman said to me "he's a bit big to be in a stroller, don't you think?" I answered "he's disabled" her response "well he doesn't LOOK disabled" My retort "neither do you but you obviously are" :/

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  36. Thought I'd leave this link for anyone brave enough to buy one:

    http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=42011517

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  37. Piggybacking on Anonymous's comment above me, I totally think that you guys should find someone on Etsy who can do custom RFM shirts for you...y'know, with "Suck It, Fancy" or "I'm Gonna Square Up" on them.I would totally buy one and wear it proudly...until I spill something on the boob, of course.

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  38. People are always asking if my twins are my first children, and when I say yes they tell me, "too bad you didn't have a boy and a girl." Evidently that is the perfect child combination or something. You would not believe how many times I've heard this or how hard I have to restrain myself from freaking out. I respond that I wanted a girl so badly that I got two.

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  39. I have one for you: "Are this your kids? really? because 1st they don't look a like and they don't look Mexican.. "

    Other: " Are you the nanny? how much you charge per hour because they seem to like you" ( I got this one around 5 or 6 times in summer every year since my 1st was born.. Once I was so tired I just say: $1000 bucks per hour, quality almost no one can afford you know? )

    And yes I'm MExican and have receive the most weird comments about myself to: " hey but you are white and tall" " are you Mexican? really? but you have manners/you are smart/ you speak English ( yes ma'am and french too) "

    I can keep going.

    "hey why the little girl speaks Spanish? She must be with you more than with her parents right?" damn!

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  40. We have four girls: 6,3,2,10 months. My favorites, which I literally get at least once every single time I leave the house (any and all smart a$$ retorts most welcome!):
    "Are these all YOUR kids?" (Last time I checked!)
    "Boy, you sure have YOUR hands full!"
    "Are you going to try one more time to get that boy?"
    "WOW. Four girls. Well, at least you have it a lot easier than a mom with four boys."
    "Four girls? Boy, I feel sorry for you when they're teenagers."

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  41. Not trying to be grim, but this HAS to be the worst ever: My sister's baby died at 13 days. She ran into someone at the grocery store who didn't know. After the "how's the baby?" chit chat went south and my sister was telling her about how sweet and beautiful he was, the asker says.....Well, maybe the next one will be cuter.

    Wow.

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  42. As an inter-racial family, I have gotten several of the "brown" comments as well - but the one that affect me the most was when a nurse at a doctor's office argued with me, at length, that "these could not be my children... they look nothing like me, well maybe the lighter one does a little..." Ahhhhhh!!!!

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  43. Well, seeing we are spewing our stupid people stories, here are a few of mine (After 4 babies I have more than a few):

    With my 2nd son I grew quite large in the belly region. Cashier: "are you SURE it isn't twins"

    Man with beer belly looking at me and pointing at his belly: "Looks like you and I have the same problem!" Me: "Well maybe but I can guarantee I have a much better weight loss plan than you!" He laughed, I laughed...laughter ensued.

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  44. Oh I just need to add one more, the memories are starting to roll in!

    After having 2 boys, everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) seemed to assume that I wanted the 3rd to be a girl. The comments were never ending...'I bet you are hoping for a girl..." my fav (not) was : "I hope it is a girl, for your sake!" For MY SAKE? Huh? You have a problem with my boys lady? I love my boys so much, I actually wanted six of em at one point! Anyway, baby number 3 was a boy. My father accidentally sent me the email announcement he sent to his friends, it read, "Penny had her baby, it's a boy, oh well" *sigh*

    ~Penny, mommy to 3 boys and a little girl

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  45. "It's probably because you let your child use a walker that she's not crawling as quickly as mine. She needs more tummy time"....thanks, I didn't ask you

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  46. My first visit here and oh how you ladies have made me laugh this evening! I have a few incidents myself but I really do have to go to bed!

    So for now all I will say is....is it not CHILDREN who are supposed to be the cruel ones?!
    The stupidity of some adults never ceases to amaze!

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  47. I have three children... Blond, brunette, and red head. I have been asked more times than I can count if they all have the same father. I just reply no, now. (They do but seriously - who would ask that question.) I follow it up with all we know for sure is that they have the same mother.

    Oh, and my red head son - was a beautiful toddler - cherubic like with red ringlets. People always called him a girl and claimed he was "too pretty" to be a boy. I stopped correcting them but my husband and older son couldn't let it go. COULD. NOT. Anyway, my son got into an argument with a checker at target about whether the baby was a boy or a girl. Finally, I offered to show the man under his diaper to prove his manhood. The checker at Target declined. Schmidt Head.

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  48. Kandi's comment is completely my story, too! My 17mo boy has very bright red curls. Every time we take him ANYWHERE people are constantly ARGUING with me that he HAS to be a girl, because boys can't have curly red hair. Um... my hair is red. My husband's hair is curly. Neither of these things preclude our producing a boy.
    We're 5mo pregnant with #2, and he's also a boy - hopefully he'll have red curls, too!

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  49. While casually talking to another mom at the park/coffee shop/baby shoppe she asks "how old are you boys?" (6 months and 21 months) *look of shock and horror* "WOW, where they both planned?"
    The not-so-subtle way of asking in my kids were accidents, and NO, rude lady who I've just met, they weren't accidents. Also, the "you must really have your hands full" comments need to stop.

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  50. Very late with this, but I have to share. My children are bi-racial. When Demon-spawn #1 was born, the nurse who brought him to the room matched our ID bracelets, then double-checked. Then triple-checked. She looked very confused as to how this pale little bundle could possibly be mine. My response: "I'm black, his daddy is white, can I have my son now?" Received child and nurse got the "howl" outta dodge. Wonder why she never came by my room again....

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  51. My son had a lack of oxygen at birth, had a seizure, was pronounced "brain dead", and wasn't supposed to live to see 2011. During the time when we were saying goodbye (although he ended up sticking around), a girl in my birth club wrote a blog post that said that I could have prevented this had I gotten prenatal testing. Uhhh...no, actually, you stupid bi*ch, it happened AT BIRTH, there was nothing I could have done to prevent it.

    Oh, and I have gotten soooo many people that refer to him as a girl, even when he's wearing all blue.

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  52. I think the one I can relate to most is the question I've been asked about my biracial daughter.

    "When did you get her?"
    Um, when they ripped her out of my stomach after 42 hours of excruciating labor before deciding maybe a c-section was a better option.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Wow. I have to say, this must be an (for the most part) American thing. I live in Australia, and in al my years of going places I've never seen or heard someone say these things to a woman. I did have lovely daydreams of tasering each of the freaks mentioned above.

    ReplyDelete

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