Friday, April 23, 2010

The T-Box Taste Test: Planning Session

Thursday, 9pm: MommyLand After Dark Strategic Planning Session

Lydia: I'm back from Target.

Kate: Sweet...did you get them all?

Hey, Target. Notice the HUGE free advertising? You're Welcome.

Lydia: I think so. I also got a couple of other things - because it's a Target and I can't walk out of that damn place without spending $100 which is why the Cap'n banned me in the first place. Sigh. Do you think he'll get mad because I bought scented candles, Altoids, pina colada dog shampoo and a bra? Why does he insist that these things are not important? He just doesn't get it.

Kate: They never do. But can we get back to planning, please?

Lydia: Yup yup yuppers! What food are we having?

Kate: I bought some stuff and I'm making some stuff...

Lydia: [crickets]

Kate: oh, haha. Suck it Clogs. I can cook.

Lydia: You can heat up. Huge difference.

Kate: Says the person who drowns everything in Ranch dressing and hot sauce.

Lydia: Which you LOVE...

Kate: I'm totally buying you a vat of Ranch dressing for your birthday.

Lydia: ohmygod Kate I'm gonna put it in the bathtub and like, use it for conditioner and bathing the kids and bringing carrots in to dip. [pause] That's gross, right?

Kate: [silence]

Lydia: Shut up. You add a little Texas Pete's and it's AWESOME SAUCE. We could make a fortune and a win the Nobel Prize for Awesomeness and the James Beard Award for Being Kick Ass because we invented AWESOME SAUCE. Remember that...

Kate: I think I'm never eating at your house again. OK, so it's you, me, Ellen, Emma, Jane...Meg...who else?

Lydia: Rebekah. She totally thinks we're stalker slayers...

Kate: She totally thinks you are a stalker slayer. Bad Mommy is in your trunk.

Lydia: For that reason, you have to stop me after three.

Kate: Three t-boxes? Done.

Lydia: Thank you...because the last time I got drunk at a party I told the Five Guys story and then I sang "We Are the World" while swaying with my eyes closed. I really need a designated driver...the Cap'n is not going to pile the monsters in the car at midnight to come pick up my inebriated self. Or Ellen... this could be bad. You know that right?

Kate: Yeah. By the end we'll be all "the red one is...good...and spilling. We're sucking it out of the carpet."

Lydia: I'm gonna beg Ellen to drive AND beg her to keep us from writing nothing but F bombs when we get sloshed. [prolonged silence] This was your idea.

Kate: Nuh-uh! [pause] Maybe we didn't think this through. Oh! Subject change. I got the swimsuit. Dis. Ass. Ter. I'm going to write about it and jack up the return slip to be like Reasons for Return: I Look Like a Damn Heifer.

Lydia: You just put the ASS in dis-ass-ter. So that's pretty sweet. OK so we have t-boxes, food, people, computer...what else?

Kate: To be funny. And not drunk. Or, alternately, even funnier because we are drunk.

Lydia: We're screwed.

Kate: Yep. Totally.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010


  1. I totally can't wait to see the crazy drunken things you mean the results of the T-Box taste testing! I will have my own wine on hand. Also, I am SO stoked to try out this Awesome sauce. I too, dip everything in Ranch- either that or I smother it in Franks Red Hot....I never thought to combine the two! Truly the Awesomest idea ever!

  2. I'm so sad that my Target does not have these! I am jonesing for the juice box sized one!

  3. I am jealous. I am jealous. I am jealous. I am ... spending the weekend with my in-laws. I can not wait to read this. I will be drinking tonight and tuning in. Swear.

  4. Can't wait. Now I just have to hatch a plan to commandeer the laptop from husband even though the Draft is on and just seeing it on TV isn't enough for him.

    Oh to live in a state where the Target could sell wine.

  5. Must run to Target--all out of T-boxes. Just out of curiosity--what brand of Ranch is your fav?

  6. I slather everything in tabasco or blue cheese. I can't wait to combine them! Thanks for the inspiration. And the laughter! Trying to square up for tonight...

  7. It is now my mission to visit every Target within a reasonable driving distance (say 2 hours) and locate one that sells T-boxes. I have had other box wine, but never juice box size... must.find.

  8. I am counting on the drunk-i-tude making me funnier tonight. And I'm bringing chocolate. And can Ellen be enlisted to prevent me from Tweeting anything regrettable? Though I tweet regrettable stuff every night, even when sober. Hmmmm.

  9. Psyche, are you a nurse in Montgomery? Just curious :)I am buying my T-BOX FOR TONIGHT!!

  10. Please please please tell me that there will be AWESOME SAUCE at the party tonight. Even though I can only be there from 7 - 9, I'm ready to go. Especially since I'm representing Wegman's for the evening!!

  11. I've never had a t-box. My life is so unfulfilled.

  12. Why isn't this post showing up on your website? I can only get to it from facebook...maybe it's just me. I bought the Sangria t-box and have been hitting it kinda hard!




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