Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Top 10: Kid Clothes for Whores and Gangsters

Thank you, Britney Spears. And P Diddy. And Bratz, the tarted-up Dora, Jersey Shore, all of the Kardashians, and Chinese clothing manufacturers. You have made shopping for our children an exercise in futility. With the exception of Mini-Mini-Me, they have all developed preferences for clothing that doesn't have cute little bears, butterflies or other creatures indiginous to nature on them. They are also completely repelled by anything that is p.l.a.i.n. Like the classic Gap white t-shirt. Simple, yet chic.

No. we're not going for chic here. We're going for statement. And that statement is "Aww, hell no." A sampling of the clothing we've had to emphatically decline:

10. Perfectly cute royal blue t-shirt, that is apparently too boxy so McGee feels the ridiculous need to put a ponytail holder on the back to make it tighter (where did they get this idea?) so that Kate can see the exact outline of her bra. With the notable exception that is says LUST across the chest. In gold glittery letters. This was an eight minute long battle. Mostly because Kate wouldn't define "lust" and therefore, according to McGee, it must not be that bad.

9. Graffiti. Why do I want my kid to look like the back of a semi that was parked in the wrong part of town overnight?

8. In the back-to-school section: T-shirt with school paper on it. Reads: "Homework Sucks" with one of the S's backwards. Fantastic. Let's wear this on the first day of school. 

7. Little girls need white sandals.  These sandals should not have high heels.  Try finding a pair that were not intended for doing the cha cha with Danny Zucko or looking like a Little Miss Perfect reject and I will pay you $20. 

6. Again, cute blue t-shirt. With a happy face on it. Passed Kate's rigorous tests for appropriateness and quality. Purchased. Upon first wearing, Kate notices the eyes are exactly where McGee's boobs are, effectively challenging any non-vision-impaired person to NOT look at her chest. Super.

5. Christmas underwear. On the bum says "Santa, I was good for Christmas" On the BUM? Why would Santa be reading a Girl's Size 7 panties with writing on the bum? Freaks.

4.  There is absolutely no need to make a size 2T jersey with Michael Vick's name on it. Ever.  
3. MC Esher inspried black t-shirt depicting two arms crossing over the torso. In each hand? A gun. Why don't we just lock down the schools now?

2. String, animal-print bikinis with black lace trim in the toddler section.  Are you f*^&ing kidding me? Unless this is a Dateline-type ploy to trap and incarcerate sex offenders, this stuff should not be allowed. Aside from the fact that we think whoever designed this should be greeted by Chris Hanson. Creep.

1. Little girl Easter dresses that could easily double as evening wear for the Bratz Grrlz. What?! What happened to sweet, old-fashioned Laura Ashley dresses? Now it's like Ashlee Simpson instead...who wears black on Easter? Please. One day a year - or, more accurately, one morning a year - can we please just wear polka dots and florals and bows and everyone just be fine with that? Thanks.

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48 comments:

  1. Amen, sisters! My pet peeve is 'movie merchandising.' A ploy that gets you to spend $15 a pop on t-shirt for movie characters that you paid $10 a person to see.

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  2. My pet peeve is the shorts that say "Juicy" on the bum. Sexy and playful when pictured on a waif-like Victoria's Secret model? Yes. On a 4 year-old playing at the playground? Not so much. Why not just post a sign saying "Child molesters STOP HERE!"? These shorts are also equally unattractive when modeled by a woman with a ginormous muffin-top hangin' over. I'm just sayin'.

    I am with you on the Bratz Easter dresses...the Easter Bunny does not bring extra candy to little girls trying to be the next Pussycat Doll.

    My daughter is 11, and I swear, we are going to spend the next few years purchasing guns and breeding pit bulls. She has slowly been morphing from a tomboy into a drop-dead-gorgeous teenager...and the boys are starting to notice. It doesn't help that she's developed boobs along with a liking for skinny jeans and tank tops--she's got more chest than I had when I was 18. *sigh* This thought alone has me reaching for the wine. Even if it IS barely lunchtime.

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  3. When my 3 year old son was in the 9-15 month room at daycare, a 1 yr old kid was sent to school in a shirt that said "I'm hung like a 5 year old". I'm not kidding.

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  4. oh man!!!! i am RIGHT THERE WITH THE EASTER DRESSES!!!!!! and having to fight my 7 1/2 yr old to pick a dress that does not look like a prom dress was the BEST!!! and black, black on Easter . . . REALLY people . . . that is a happy day :)

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  5. you are so spot on -- its crazy and the things that ARE most appropriate at the end of day are the most expensive too! Mommies stand up and revolt!

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  6. last week my husband texted me a picture of a 2T boys t-shirt saying "that's what she said" across the front. sure it's funny when michael scott says it, but my sweet baby boy? not so much.

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  7. The white sandals! I have spent hours looking for white sandals that do not have a heel for my 3 year old! I will be shoving her four year old feet into them this year because I don't have the energy for the non-slutty shoe search again! Why do they make these things?

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  8. A-to-the-MEN!!! I am so freakin sick of seeing children wearing insanely inappropriate clothes. We are breeding a new generation of little pimps and prostitutes!

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  9. I have boys for the most part, and although sometimes difficult to find.. I like polo shirts.. plain old boring polo shirts.. and if it makes my kid a "nerd" sorry.. but I'm not putting some of that crap on their bodies..

    Now I do have a baby girl, however I've founds thrift shops are awesome for locating some more appropriate attire than what they sell at the local department store.

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  10. the ponytail holder on the tshirt - isn't that part of the hooters girl wardrobe

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  11. Again, I am HORRIFIED by this mess.... I'm going to keep making the kids Sunday clothes as long as I possibly can..... and as for the white Sandals, try the good ole fashioned "Sun Sandals".... they still make them and ven have the Boys' Tan or Brown version. Take THAT slutty kids shoe making elves.

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  12. Thank God they still make the White Sun-San Sandals I wore as little girl.... take THAT slutty shoe-making elves.

    http://www.bestdressedkids.com/scripts/ecatalogisapi.dll/Item?Item=46507&Group=431847159&Template=9990000001000999&desc=Nb-Inf+Surfer+Sandals+3-8

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  13. Just had this discussion with the neighborhood Moms... and we wonder why the average age for losing virginity has dropped to just barely into the teens.

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  14. Oh God. I hate today's clothes. I'm so old fashioned when it comes to things like that!!!! It makes me a little happy to have a boy because if I HAD a daughter, she would probably hate me for the stuff I would allow her to wear. It's horrific the way kids dress these days.

    I saw a 13 year old girl who I thought was in college. IN COLLEGE. I only knew she was 13 b/c I know her parents. It's sad.

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  15. And you know which stores has gotten bad really bad? Kohl's and JCPenney's. I don't even bother shopping there any more for clothes for my 11 year old daughter. I see the whore clothing at Wal-Mart and, to some extent, Target, too! I hate shopping. It's no fun anymore!

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  16. O.M.G.!!! This whole post is so true! I have such a hard time finding my daughter dresses that don't make you think she's a red light district worker! And to make it worse, her best little friend wears the shortest skirts and dresses and her mom says it's fine...grrrr.

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  17. No kidding!! I went clothes shopping for my kindergarten girl and came home and complained that I can't find anything that is not "tart in training". And for my boys, why does every t-shirt have to be "jackass in training"?

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  18. Suddenly I am SO glad that we live in the boonies. (when typing boonies I kept hitting the b instead of then - Freudian slip?)Anyway...I am sitting here with my jaw on the floor...wow.

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  19. To borrow a term from my more hip buddies: Word.

    I've been preachin' this sermon for twelve long years. The only clothes battle I fight is appropriateness. I don't care if the clothes match, if they're on backwards or inside-out. Heck, I really don't care if they're dirty, as long as they're not smelly and other people won't stick to them. But try to dress like a little ho ho hoitty ho, and the Momma is your new stylist; enjoy the turtlenecks and baggy jeans in July in Iowa, girlfriend.

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  20. I have 4 little girls... life is HELL most days when it comes to clothing!! My oldest is 10 and she (PRAISE GOD) is a prude. She will tell you if you show off your thigh you're showing off your nakedness. This makes it TEN TIMES HARDER to find shorts she'll wear, or dresses. I have to tell you though - I am so thankful that she's that prudish!! However, she hasn't figured out why I don't like for her to wear long skinny t's... you know like the one's Miley Cyrus puts out now, so I'm gonna buy a full length mirror and put in in her room so she can see her mosquito bites showing through!!

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  21. *snort, wheeze, cough* @ Jan's ho-ho-hoitty-ho. LMAO! I so just inhaled my sip of water.

    Just found out that there's three girls in the middle school here who are pregnant. Two of them are. in the. 6th. grade. The grade my Payton will be in next year. Holy sh*t storm, Batman.

    Looks like it's time for a come-to-Jesus talk with my baby girl.

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  22. My son is just abou into the 3T's, and so far, I have luck at Carter's and Osh Kosh. I'd rather dress him like a Duggar than a thug, thank you very much. I thought my sister was going to have to start MAKING her 10yo daughter's clothes. Thank you, Bratz dolls, for teaching our little girls to dress like hookers. *Awesome* At a Halloween party, I witnessed a 7 year old(!!), who had on long pants, but a half shirt that she TUCKED UP from the hem till her chest was alomst out and pulled the pants down WAY low on her hips so that her entire stomach showed from pelvic bone to JUST under her chest. Her Mom was all, "How cute!" We left. If I have any girls, I guess I will be sewing.

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  23. THANK YOU! At a 1 year old birthday party the other day, my 8 month old son was wearing a cute navy blue gingham john-john....to which one of my husband's friends says to me, "Um, dressing him a but feminine, are we?" Excuse me? He's a BABY! Did I mention it also had a baseball/bat/glove applique on it...yea, you're right dude--I'm the one that's inappropriate.

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  24. Wow! Exactly what I have been thinking! Try purchasing clothing for a 5 year old girl that wears a size 10! It's horrible! There are NO cute little butterflies or flowers to choose from. I already hate having to watch Hannah Montana all the time, but now I have to get real creative just to keep my 5 year old from dressing like her! I wish Carter's would up their sizes so we could dress our kiddos in their stuff until they are 18!

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  25. LOVE IT!!!!!! My daughters are 10 and 3, and this has been an on going fight for me. My biggest horrors when it comes to clothes are shorts, skirts and bathing suits. My mother in law keeps trying to by my girls triangle bikinis. Really???? My oldest is pretty good about modesty, but she is getting pretty annoyed with my doing the fingertip test in the store. I'm sorry, but I'm not buying shorts that barely cover your rear end. We love Bermuda shorts!!! And why do they make mini skirts for babies????

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  26. A boy in my son's preschool was just wearing a shirt that said, "Daddy's Little Mistake." Awesome.

    I'm glad I have two boys so I don't have to wrestle with thongs for 10 year olds.

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  27. How about swimsuits for 3 year old girl? I love the surfer style swimsuit with boy shorts because I am a crazy sunscreen lady. So the more that is cover, the less torture I have to expose my daughter to at the pool. But it is nearly impossible to find. And once she is out of toddler sizes, which will be next summer, forget about it. I looked in the girls section at Target the other day, and there were only bikinis! WTF?

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  28. http://www.saltwater-sandals.com/catalog.htm

    all the little white sandals you could ask for, even other colors and
    no heels in sight

    Little girls shouldn't HAVE to be dressed as hookers

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  29. I have a 4 year old daughter and Gymboree and Childrens Place actually do have clothes up to a size girls 14. She's still in a 4T - 5T but it gives me hope that I can control her attire for a good long while.
    As far as Target, JCP, Khols and Macy's and there is clothes shopping involoved, I make the money that pays for the clothes, I will get the final say on what's appropriate. I've never been a fan or characture clothing, so no Dora, Princesses, Hannah Montana, Bratz has ever adorned her little body. However, her Godfather bought her a shirt this past Christmas that says "NO, You F***ing Calm Down", in a size 4T. My husband wanted her to wear it on the way back home from MI while we were in the Detroit airport. Sadly, it would have been appropriate.

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  30. Yes this is so very true, thank goodness I can sew and make my girls clothes!! I am also selling out my webstore merchandise on ebay. I have some adorable white flat sandals on there made of leather with a pink and white leather flower on top made by elephantito, sold at a wholesale price....

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  31. SO TRUE!! I think I may have institute a "I have the money, I pick out the clothes" rule to go with the "You live in my house, slutty clothes do not" rule. And I only have a 2.5 year old.

    On that note, a girl who was I guess 14 years old got baptized at my church this Sunday. Little angel was wearing a skirt that BARELY covered her ass. Like if she bent over, there would have been a full crotch shot. Good thing they put on robes for the actual baptism or our pastor might not have looked so saintly!

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  32. Lands End has great clothes for kids that are far more appropriate. I really like thier tankini's for my girls, too. They cover well and are really cute.

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  33. It appears that the motif among children's clothing designers is "Walking Billboard". They want kids to sell something: toys, movies, cartoons, or, in the case of young girls, their own ass. It's gross.

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  34. Wow! I wrote a post recently about infant boys' clothes and how annoyed I was that I couldn't find just regular clothes without a tractor/dinosaur/etc on it. Now I realize that I should be grateful that I am not having to deal with the girl clothes later on. My issue is that people still buy those clothes so they keep making them. Why can't we just all agree to not buy them? Then maybe they would get the hint.

    Love you ladies!
    Mommy C

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  35. I have one word for moms of girls 10 and under: Naartjie. Fun, funky, quality clothes from Australia that don't make your daughter look like a ho-ho-hoity-ho (thanks to Jan for that!). I nearly went insane trying to shop for my two daughters until I found them (if you can't find a store you can find them online). Children's Place is ok too but occasionally slips up. Soooo not looking forward to the puberty years...

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  36. My girl is 2 and I am terrified of when she starts to develop an opinion on her clothes because the level of sexualization in girls clothing is flabargasting. A) because somone designed and manufactured it in the first place and B) there is enough of a market for them to keep making more. It's enough to make a mama want to shop with the Duggars.

    But for sandals, I highly recommend these: http://www.zappos.com/salt-water-sandal-by-hoy-shoes
    I wore them every year until high school and now get them for my kiddos. They are durable, waterproof and pretty darn comfy.

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  37. I am a high school teacher and saw two of my 14 yr old male students wearing these in the last couple of days...

    "Conserve Water, Shower with Me"
    "Smile if You Are Not Wearing Panties"

    I am sooo not a prude but it drives me freakin' crazy that parents of a 14 yr old allowed their son out of the house wearing these(the shower with me one...he says his mom actually bought it for him, I didnot dare ask the "panties" child)

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  38. I couldn't believe it when Big Time went from the baby/toddler sizes to little boy sizes. Gone were the fire trucks and bulldozers and there in 5T/XS were skulls and daggers! For the love of God. He's four! I feel for mom's of girls. I don't know what I'd do. It really is sad that the age-appropriate clothes i.e. LL Bean, Gymboree, Children's Place are so much more expensive.

    How do the parent's that let their kids dress like trash think those kids are going to act? Saintly? I think not!

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  39. *Kelli* posted this today at 1:14 and I am an idiot and accidently rejected it because I am bad at my new phone. Kelli, wherever you are I am so sorry! Can I send you a BWT playlist or T-box or something? xo, Lydia

    Anyway, here's her comment:

    I have a 9 year old and 6 year old, most of what I buy comes from TCP... my 6 year old will wear whatever I lay out for her to put on... My 9 year old things that teen hoochie is appropriate. Of course it doesn't help that her father's girlfriends dress that way, even wearing a "corona" mini skirt to one of her softball games. He himself wears a shirt that says "You'll Do". Such a.great.influence.

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  40. I agree completely with all that's written! Yikes! I have a 6yr old boy, a 3 yr old daughter and a brand new daughter. It's scary what'is out there! My solution: I shop for them without them! LOL My son has started liking the skulls and such, and insists on them if he is with me, but if I buy him plain t's or ones with animals ect... When he is not with me he loves them!
    Strength to all those other moms fighting the good fight to keep our children safe and teaching them appropriate style!!

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  41. I cannot tell you how enraged I was when a few years ago, I was shopping for my niece, and in the little girls' section of the department store were PADDED bras. WTF???!!!! Who are these sick bastages?!

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  42. Aunt Mary here, Mommas, oh Mommas, I felt like a total wierdo when Lydia's cousin was that young. And she has the emotional scars to prove it, but I would not cave on the clothing issues. The best thing you can do NOW is make sure your NO is always NO, not maybe. Don't worry about explaining, just cut to the chase, NO. Uncle Richard called it Mommy logic, but he backed me up. I have seen too many mothers moan about teen pregnancy, and wonder how their little angels got that way. Well it can start with the inappropriate clothes, and 13 year olds realize they have power to attract. Gee I sound like the Music Man, anyone know the musical??

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  43. I shop at Justice for my 10 year old girl. Their clothes are cute, not trashy. Expensive but worth not having trashy sayings on t-shirts. Makes shopping so pleasant!

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  44. AMEN! People who dress their kids like non-kids - especially the scary sexualization of little girls - is a MAJOR pet peeve of mine. But you're right, it's getting really damn hard to find "normal" clothes in the stores. And once your kids can talk back (read: argue) and state their own preferences ... man, you're screwed. Suddenly, I see the appeal of school uniforms!

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  45. Hanna Andersson. Just a suggestion.
    http://www.hannaandersson.com

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  46. my peeve- not being able to find shorts for my 6yo that didn't show her @ss cheeks when she bent over! Thank God Bermuda shorts were in style this year.

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  47. One of my new favorite places to shop for my kids is Crazy 8. They have totally age-appropriate stuff and go up to size 14. They are by Gymboree but about half the price.

    This is something that we are very strict on and the only time I take my 7y.o. daughter shopping with me is for skirts and dresses because she is very tall for her age but slender so I have to check the length on EVERYTHING. Knee-length or longer is our rule. We also wrote a family constitution and included a family dress code. Our boys are required to wear shirts with collars to school.

    I SO wish that our public schools would have uniforms. I'm also relieved that I'm not the only mom enraged at the sexualization of our children by the clothing industry. Keep fighting the good fight people!

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  48. It's even worse when you're a teacher. Our dress code says skirts/shorts can be no shorter than the reach of the fingertips when standing straight, and that's STILL a whole lotta leg! It's so hard to argue with parents when they're the ones who buy the damn Daisy Dukes :P I slipped last week when a parent told me she paid $60 for a pair of shorts that barely covered her daughter's rear end... I said "oh no! You left the store without picking up the legs?" Thankfully the father laughed. Momwho'slivingvicariouslythroughherteen didn't think it was so funny, though ;)As if cost matters when your kid is half dressed!

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