When I first met my future husband, it was made quite clear that his mom did not approve of me. I was a bad influence because I was not home schooled, and I wore PANTS oh heaven forbid! All of the girls in her family of 13 children worse dresses or skirts, and the boys never wore shorts. After a time of dating her second oldest son, who did not live at home any more because when he worked while living at his home, he would give his pay check to his mommy who demanded most of it.
Time went on and I became pregnant with our first child. Jeremy e-mailed his mom the news and told her that we plan to get married and I was pregnant and that his marrying me had nothing to do with the pregnancy because we were already planning on getting married, it just was now occuring a year earlier than we had planned it. His mom went of stating how my plan was unfolding, that I got pregnant so he would have to marry me and trap him into something he doesnt want to do and that i was brainwashing him into marrying me and how he, her own son, was turning into the spawn of satan and how Christs love was no longer shining through him since he has been with me and he was making such a foolish mistake and how I am going to make his life hell.
We were still going to get married. Closer to the day we were going to get married, we had to ask the pastor take out the "if anyone objects to this marriage..." part...
7 months after we had our first child, we got our first house. 2 weeks later, my mother in law comes crying to us that the place where she was staying was UNBEARABLE! (they move around alot because shes too lazy to get a job and her house had been foreclosed.)
Because of the size of her family, the family they were staying with had built them an out door bathroom because their plumbing was not big enough for that much use. So they came here. We told her, well, I had spoken with another son and he told her that they have 2 months here so they need to keep looking for another place to stay. We also said that because they would be using our fascilities she would need to help pay for the bills. Deal. right? So a non working mother of now, 9 kids (the oldest married, I married her second oldest, and the other 2 had left as well) were staying at our house, in our basement.
When my mother in law would come up in the mornings, she would sit her arse down at our dining room table and start reading while the kids slept in. then she would yell down for them to get up...sit back at our dining room table, and then awhile later walk through the KITCHEN go to the basement door and yell down the stairs "GIRLS! IM HUNGRY AND IM THIRSTY! GET YOUR BUTTS UP HERE AND START ON BREAKFAST!" walk back THROUGH THE KITCHEN and sit her butt down at the table again and continue reading. I swear, she never changed the diaper of her 4 year old son never made a meal, when she would go out to the van to take her kids somewhere she would have the kids bring the water jug and her oldest son still at home, carry her tea for her. and she would get in the van while the older kids got the younger kids all in the van. Her kids broke many things in our house, of which she said she would pay us for or fix and never did, they would spill things on our carpet and never say anything or clean it up. my mother in law dropped her tea once and told her daughter of 6 to clean it up, and I helped with that. They had not washed the dishes for all three meals and left, so i spent 2 hours washing all the dishes before my husband came home.
that night, I asked her to step out side so I could talk with her for a moment. we went out on to the porch and I told her as nicely as possible that when she came here we were sure she understood that she had two months here, and that in 2 days, those 2 months were up and that she needs to find somewhere else to live. "Well I just talked to Jeremy last night and he said we could stay for another 2 weeks." I told her I understand that but I talked to him that morning (see, thats one of the nice things about sleeping with your son) and he told me I could tell you that you need to go. Well if looks ever killed I coulda sworn she was satan. That look of hatered I will NEVER forget. I was shaky and and neausous. We went inside, I went up stairs and told Jeremy that his mom wants to speak to him. He grumbled and came down stairs. So, his mom went off on him. What do you mean I have to leave?! I just spooke to you yesterday and you said I could stay! So whats it gonna be?! are you letting me stay here or you actually sending me out? She also said something else and that did it for me. I went to say something and she snapped back at me. "I'm talking to Jeremy!" So I told her "excuse me, but Jeremy is my husband and this is my house too!" Jeremy had described us talking it over and talking to the church leaders and how if she really wanted to move to South Carolina, she was not gonna get anywhere staying with us. So at that point, she opened up one of her boxes, handed Jeremy our LATE bills that were due! and told us "I can't pay them because apparently we have to leave in 4 days!" (I gave her till the end of the week) My thoughts were YOU HAD 2 MONTHS TO GET READY TO LEAVE! She was already thinking that she would ust keep buying her time and mooching off of us!
So now we are behind in bills, for our first time ever, broken appliances never paid for, and still in debt for over 250 dollars. in our house of 2 months. and shes having a fit. They moved out.
Luckily the was the last i really heard from her until a relative passed away and she came to PA to visit with us and asked for my husbands bank account number who blindly gave it to his mother who knows his birth date and social security number to "authorize" any transaction. Great. So far, she hasnt taken any money. So far.
This crap is horrifying. Lucky for you, we recently adressed a similiar situtaion in an "Ask Kate and Lydia" post. Go get yourself a flux capaciter. Or a shotgun.
So, I need to preface this by saying, my MIL (husbands mother) is a gift from god. She is the sweetest woman to walk the face of the earth, and I firmly believe that god has just as much a hand in that as he did in giving me my husband...moving on to MY MOTHER. I am from Kentucky, and was raised hardcore Southern Baptist style, so you can imagine when my mother stumbles upon the fact (during their first meeting mine-you) that my husband is buddhist. As in he believes in non-violence and the basic premise of treating all people well, and all living beings the same (so animals, humans, insects...all the same). In a public restaurant my mother verbally attacked him saying he was going to make me go to hell, that he was going to change her sweet baby girl, that I already seemed distant, and that I was making a huge mistake. So I stood up in from of 100 strangers and told her to go to hell and my husband and myself left. She ran out of the restaurant screaming, begging me to come back, and got in her car and chased us. We has to pull over and tell her to leave us alone, where she asked me why we hated her and didn't want to come spend the night at her house....WHACKJOB!!! Miraculously my husband decided I was worth marrying, and we have since had a beautiful baby boy, and are living happily ever after...with spurts of crazy every now and then when my mother comes to town..:)
I'd be like: "Mom, It's Jesus on the phone. He says you should start taking your medication again."
You could say my first husband's mother and grandmother played a big role in the breakdown of my marriage. In just 5 short years (1998-2003) they literally cost me my home, my job and very nearly my sanity.
My ex husband was disabled (cerebral palsy) but was quite independent (and it didn't affect his mind at all) but his mother and his grandmother(who pretty much raised him as his mother didn't want to deal with a disabled child) treated him like a china doll who couldn't so much as blow his nose properly. I refused to treat him like the aforementioned china doll and they couldn't STAND it. They criticized everything I did, my family, my RELIGION (I'm Wiccan). After his grandmother bought us a home in Missouri (he was from there and I was from Tennessee and we were living in TN at the time) and we got settled things went from bad to worse. She decided that I was pretty much Satan Incarnate. How she decided that is beyond me as I was nothing but NICE to her despite the fact that I hated her with a passion.
The final straws came when she and my MIL came into my home while I was at work and started throwing everything of MINE away. Books (out of print that I had bought for my husband as a GIFT that I'd spent years trying to find for him), clothes... you name it if it was mine it was thrown out. The kicker was when they threw the pictures of my father (who'd died in 1997) that I kept in a frame in my living room away as well. Luckily I'd gone home for a while on my work break and saw what had occurred and rescued the books and pictures. They even threw my mother's BIBLE away (I rescued that too...I may be Pagan but I DO read the Bible on occasion if only for reference). Then she SOLD our home out from under us. Forcing us to live with HER. Then she kicked ME out (keep in mind we were MARRIED) because she found a pack of Tarot cards that my MOTHER had given me hidden in one of my baskets. She called my MOTHER and told her I was a Satan Worshipper. Needless to say my mother put her in her place quite quickly. But no...that wasn't enough for good ol Grandma. She then called my District Manager of the store I was a shift manager at and tried to convince him to fire me because of my religious beliefs. He laughed at her. The husband and I then moved BACK to TN without telling them where we were going. After they found out where we lived she actually called the police down here to do a welfare check because she was certain I was keeping him prisoner. The cop laughed when he came by our house and there my husband was sitting in the recliner, smoking a pipe and told him that no he was not being kept prisoner nor being abused he just wanted nothing to do with his family.
6 months later...they come down here (after the husband and I were separating due to the fact that he was an abusive asshole anyway) and offered me CASH to 'go quietly'. Damn skippy I took the check. Then two days later she put a stop payment on it. But it'd already gone through and cleared my bank. She ended up getting stuck with the 1000 dollar overdraft because I'd taken my name off the bank account leaving it only in my husband's name and since she was supporting him financially at this point SHE had to pay it off for him. (I had a feeling she was going to pull that hence why I took my name off everything)
In 2006 (after we'd been divorced for a few years) she actually offered to pay for fertility treatments if the ex and I got back together. Um...no thank you. I remarried a few months after that (to yet another asshole and am currently going through yet ANOTHER divorce*lol*)
OK so my hubby and I have been married 8 yrs. So many annoyances...er...inspirations for my list. I'll start off saying that at first I didn't think she was that bad. I actually thought I had got lucky and had a non-crazy one (hubby and others said "just wait"). Oh and I must mention that she is German (that will come in later).
1. Wedding Day. I could get over the fact that she was going to give me a pair of old earings (the something old) and that she has totally forgot (still haven't gotten them, though my SIL got hers pair on her wedding day). It was the fact that we had our pictures made between the service and reception and she totally went AWOL (apparently socializing was more important...) and the fact that as hubby and I sat down to open presents she decided to leave with hubby's grandfather (I must also say that his dad just doesn't argue with her to avoid having to listen to her). I'm sorry that this is our big wedding day and you feel socializing with family is more important even though I though that's what family reunions were for.
2. Ahhh..the joys of having children and being told that you're a bad mother. So we have 3 (going on 4) kiddos so I've heard it all. Everything from: "you must be starving them because they eat so much so fast" even though I told her that we just ate (uhh...my kids LOVE food...). Oh and I must add...the German family she came from always gave food or had food for visitors. Oh and my favorites: " said as she's freaking out* "don't raise your hands above your head, you're going to tie the cord around your babies neck and it's going to die" ,"don't eat the strawberries *takes bowl away* you're going to give the baby strawberry birthmarks", and "you're not eating enough you really need to eat more" (hmm...the doc said I was gaining enough and the baby and I are healthy...I gained 35 lbs each pregnancy. I can't forget the breastfeeding "advice" from a lady who never breastfed. "How do you know he's getting enough to eat? You need to suppliment." and that always brought about the "when are you going to stop breastfeeding and give them formula so he/she can stay the night here" and "Shouldn't he/she be eating solid foods by now (3 months old, 4 months, etc)? You're starving your child and not getting him the vitamins and nutrients he needs by just breastfeeding him/her." Saving the best for last, if one of the kids has a runny nose or cough, "you really need to take him/her to the doctor and get them antibiotics. there was this kid in the villiage where I used to live in Germany who got really sick and died from this. *illuding that if I don't take care of it I'm going to kill my kid* But this has nothing to do with you having 3 cats and your hubby smokes in the garage whichs gets in the house because he leaves the door open. (oh and this was said months after I had a miscarriage...which I'm sure she thought was my fault)
3. Hubby was unemployed for 2-3 yrs due to 9/11 and his military contractors job losing it's contract. He had a few good jobs in that time. She always told him he wasn't trying hard enough even though he was putting out 20+ applications every 2 weeks (he was trying for any job just so we could get some money, but usually had more education that the person interviewing him...one person told him that he was sure if he hired him that he'd take his job soon after). A yr and half of the time was spent trying to get into the Army...a whole other story. Once he was accepted and went to his schools (basic and officer candiate school), my MILs rants turned into "he's to weak he won't be able to pass *insert test*", "he doesn't have what it takes", etc. I would go over several times a week or to lunch with them so that our son could spend time with them. EVERY time I heard the same rant verbadum (not exagerating). The part that pissed me off the most was when she told non-family members this. Needless to say I politely told her she was wrong and supported my hubby. She of course has denied having ever doubted him.. OH I must also mention that she completely supported her other son when he re-joined the Navy Reserves. No favoritism there...
4. Being German she is bilingual. So when she fusses at hubby or wants to say something to him without me understanding she says it in German. It's like seriously...I'm in the same room... To her annoyance though, hubby translates what she just said right after she said it to me. You'd think she'd learn by now, but no she still does this.
5. I won't even go into the fact that we bought a house from them when we were stationed here (and the fact that she lied about how much she told us we'd have to pay for the house and then denied ever agreeing to it).
This woman literally lives in a different world. She just can't grasp simple things and when she is corrected, she just ignores it. I tried telling her some of the problems I had with how she had been acting (I've watched both my parents sides of the family fall apart and was trying to not see my hubby's family do the same). Her reply was, "Well, that's the past and we'll just forget about it and everything will be better if we don't think about it." I've given up. Now my focus is on my family and creating the bonds and ties that will hold the family we have started together.
She sounds Kraut-tastic. I would start using WWII analogies with her. "Remember what the US Army Air Corps did to the city of Dresden?" Then tap your nose, nod knowingly and point at her fat, stupid face.
My mother in law, in fact the entire inlaw family has never, in almost 9 years made me feel comfortable as part of their family. When they come to visit us, she takes it upon herself to clean my home because I am apparently a slob who doesn't know how to clean properly. When we don't do everything the way she thinks it should be done she starts to rant about how uncomfortable she is being made to feel in my home and how she wants to leave.
The worst thing that she has done however is try to break me and my husband up. About 2 years ago, he and I had seperated for a short time and he had an affair (yes, I know there are issues with me staying with him). She began having a relationship with the other woman and told her to do everything she could to keep my husband from coming back to me. She told this other woman that my husband never really loved me and that the only reason he had stayed with me was because of our kids and that no one else would want me. When we tried to get back together she called him about 9 times in one night to tell him that if he went back to me, the "Crazy Bitch", she would never speak to him again. We are still together and she has yet to apoplogize for anything.
I wouldn't wait for an apology. But I would make sure she knows that if she ever messes with you again, that you are willing and able to deploy America's secret weapon - Secret Agent Mommies Kate and Lyda - to fix her wagon once and for all.
Let's just start with the fact that she wore a cream dress to my wedding (she claims it was "light salmon" -- forget that our wedding color theme was amethyst purple). I should've known then that wouldn't bode well for my marriage. The first two years of marriage were ok, since she didn't pay much attention to my husband and me (helps that we live 4 hours away). However, as soon as we had kids, oh. my. goodness. we're filipino, so the idea of staying at a hotel was out of the question when they could stay at my (small) townhouse, sleeping on mats in the living room because they didn't want to use the spare bed in the basement. nevermind that i was a first-time mom with a baby who didn't know night from day. Not that it would be a problem, except MIL (and FIL) don't know the meaning of the word quiet. Doors would slam all day, pots would bang in the kitchen and baby -- whom I had finally gotten to sleep -- would wake up with a start.
If someone wakes up a sleeping baby in my house they get roundhouse kicked in the face. They usually only do it once.
Things didn't get better when baby #2 was born, as their stays got longer and more frequent and MIL decided to "gift" me with pots and pans from her kitchen that she said she doesn't need anymore. After a few visits, I figured out that she wasn't really giving the pots and pans to me out of the kindness of her heart, she wanted to have her own pots and pans here so she would be more comfortable when she cooks here, which is all the time -- which means that i'm kicked out of the one room I find solace in every time they're here. (and how did i find this out? when she asked me what happened to one of the pots she brought me and i told her i had given it to my cousin who had just moved out and literally had nothing. she looked at me, said, "oh" and walked away.)
My MIL has to be the worst one ever. Thank God she never comes around. She has seen our 4 year old four times since she is born and has seen our 1 1/2 year old twice. She came to our daughter's 3rd birthday party last August and decided to show her new tattoo to one of my friends. The tattoo is her boyfriend's last name...on her vagina! She stood in the foyer, lifted her skirt and showed her. Did I mention that her boyfriend is married? And so is she? And not to each other.
Oh dear GOD. I just threw up in my mouth. Are you sure she should be seeing your kids AT ALL?
My wedding: After my husband and I got engaged, my now MIL said she wanted to be involved with helping for the wedding and offered to do the flower arrangements. One of my very close family friends also offered to BUY the flowers and do all of the arrangements for us, but we had to turn her down. I was on a grad school budget and paying for the whole wedding myself. Fast forward to the week of the wedding: I had bought all the flowers and had them stored at my mom's house. The whole week, my MIL was nothing but nasty to me, refusing to cook for me (even though she cooked for the rest of the family- I have allergies and was being complicated), saying mean things to my husband and I, complaining when my husband bought over $200 worth of food for the family, and carting them around for an entire week before.
When it came time to do the flower arrangements, she said she was too busy getting ready for the reunion (yes, she was planning a family reunion at my husbands house for the night of my wedding- after my wedding). I called several of my friends and we did my flowers ourselves.
My MIL did not smile for any photos in my wedding. In every photo, she is frowning and said it is her "culture" and I wouldn't understand (though quincineras and bodas are the happiest celebrations I know of). She was rude to my family and friends and almost did not allow our presents to be brought back to my husbands house (where we would be living) because there were so many presents and she would have to store them somewhere for the reunion. My sisters fought back and said they were taking the presents there rather than their hotel rooms whether she liked it or not. I came home from my honeymoon to several stains on the floor from the reunion, STINKY trash all over the place, and dishes in the sink. Amazing.
Why are you being so selfish? You didn't think your wedding was about YOU, did you?
Moving on to the birth of my babies...
When I was 30ish weeks pregnant with my twin boys, my MIL said she'd like to have a reunion at our house that summer in June (the due date for the babies was end of May but everyone expected that the babies would come in April). My husband and I immediately said no to the reunion, but said we would like the immediate family to come. So she instead planned for her, my FIL, two SILs, great-grandpa, aunt B, aunt H, uncle J and two more cousins to come to our house in June and have a mini-reunion. It was not my preference to have that many people, but they said they would get hotel rooms instead of stay at our house, so I conceded. However, when we started talking about details, my MIL and FIL got upset that they had to stay in hotels and said they were offended that we would suggest such a thing (if that many people were staying in our tiny house, they would be sleeping on the floors in the kitchen, dining room, and living room). When I mentioned that there was a lot to do around the town and that it would be best if all 10 people were not in our tiny house at all times, it hit the fan. She said that I did not understand or respect her "culture" (though I speak the language more fluently than her son and have visited more times as well), she said "We like to play games, we like be loud, and we like to stay up late." This from a woman who goes to bed at 9:30pm. She said "you and your family do not understand and it is disrespectful." I said that my family also liked to do the same things and typically had a lot of fun together... HOWEVER, there would be TWO 6 week old (maybe) babies at the time of their visit and that we would most likely not be sleeping much and I wasn't sure if I would be healed or anything. She said that I worry to much and that everything would be FINE. She said some really nasty things to both me and my husband and we felt like trash. She said fine, they wouldn't come to see the babies AT ALL. Great.
Glad she has her priorities straight. Family first, right?
So we called the family to apologize and the other family members were wonderful and gracious and said of course... you will have 2 babies and will not be sleeping. It will be too much. After several bitter emails from her saying how we were unloving and selfish, we convinced her and my FIL to come for at least a short time to see the babies 6 weeks after they were born. They stayed in the guest room, right next to the baby room. The babies were screaming most of the night (reflux issues) and no one slept much at all (maybe 3 hrs total but not consecutive). It was awesome. We had gotten used to the lack of sleep, but they were really tired and asked if this is what it had been like this whole time. Yes. Yes, that's right. I had not one, but two babies. When one is not crying, the other is. Welcome to our world!
She's been pretty good since then though. Having 2 beautiful grandsons has lightened her heart toward me I think. Pick whichever story you think makes you want to kick her in the face more.
I think both make me want to roundhouse. But... I pick the new baby story! Snitch-tastic.
Where do I start? There's so many to choose from. My first clue should've been prior to my wedding. Since my parents had both passed away, my husband and I were footing the bill for the event ourselves and trying to cut costs where we could. I had a very pretty, formal ivory colored dress that I planned to wear. Granted, I had initially bought it for something else, but it could've easily been a wedding dress. And I was fine with this. My MIL asked me to see the dress one evening, so I brought it from my closet and showed her. Later, she came back with my father-in-law and told me that they decided to pay for my dress as our wedding gift. Okay, fine. She asks me to show FIL the dress I was planning to wear. I bring it out again. She came back later and told me I didn't need to buy a dress after all. That one was fine. In the other lighting, she had mistaken it for TAN! (My FIL also made a trip back to tell me she was ridiculous and that while I was shopping, shoes and veil were on him as well!)
Go F-I-L! Smoochies to you!
When my daughter was about five, she told my husband that I should not be feeding the girl Mountain Dew for breakfast, that she had walked past our house, happened to glance through our window and saw a can of Mountain Dew sitting in front of my daughter at the breakfast table. True, there was a can there that day, but she was not drinking it. It was a can my MIL's baby boy had left there from the night before!
Um... That's called stalking. Restraining order! Maybe have her served on Mother's Day?
After we adopted a baby boy, she gave my daughters multiple gifts, including a box of Huggies for my youngest daughter. She gave my son only a box of generic diapers.
Nice. She should get punched in the face for that. You know how we feel about the whole "not really your kid" thing. Makes us angry. Like HULK angry...
My MIL was once given the code for our keyless entry pad during an emergency. Now she has a habit of just wandering into our home uninvited - whether we're home or not. During my youngest daughter's Christmas program, she took a seat right behind us and began loudly whispering about how she had gone into our house to leave a gift for my husband. But the kitten that was kept in the garage snuck into the house, and she wasn't able to get it back out. The entire program I had visions of that kitten knocking over the Christmas tree or turning my carpet into her litter box! Outwardly, I had to fume silently. On another occasion, she called my husband while we were out to ask about an event written on our dry-erase calendar that we had neglected to tell her about. But my most favorite was the time she returned a DVD that she had borrowed. I looked at the title and saw it was one we had borrowed from my brother. I asked my husband later why he had loaned MIL something that wasn't even ours. He said he didn't. The last time either of us had seen it, it was sitting on a dresser - in our bedroom where we had watched it. She went upstairs when we weren't home and helped herself to items in our bedroom!!!
Restraining. Order. Seriously. And you have you checked your house for hidden cameras and listening devices? I'm a spy so I think of these things.
But it's this story that is now legendary among my friends ... Since my parents have passed away, my siblings and I have a problem with all of our in-laws thinking they get dibs on the actual holiday because our family somehow doesn't count as much now. So one Christmas, my sis and I decided to revolt. I was hosting Christmas ON Christmas. My husband was fine with this. MIL and her side of the fam were NOT! After dinner but before the gift exchange, I looked out the window to see a stream of headlights coming down my usually quiet street. Yes, since we had refused to come to the party, they brought the party to us! MIL and her entire extended family CRASHED MY CHRISTMAS! They all came in, started eating whatever food was left, brought one of their dogs into my formal living room, posed for family pictures on my staircase like the freakin' Brady Bunch, made snide remarks about how the children were too spoiled as my side of the family rushed the kids to open gifts so they could leave, and, after they had chased away everyone in my family, passed out lyric sheets to an original song one of them had written for the occasion. I'm not even kidding!!!!!!!!!
Is there video of this? Can we hear the "original song"? Because that is the craziest schmidt I ever...
1- Back when Hubby was just Boyfriend, we lived in a really crappy apartment. His brother graduated from high school and his mom thought it would be good for him to move out. So she decided that she was going to buy a house and Boyfriend, brother, and I would all live there and pay the mortgage as our rent. It sounded like a great idea (I was 21, I'm sorry) so we did it! What I had not realized yet is that my MIL thought this gave her the right to show up whenever she wants. 8am the morning after we moved in, while I was wearing Boyfriend's boxers, and a white (SEE THROUGHISH) t-shirt... and she brought a friend. 7am one Sunday to do the gardening we weren't interested in. Whenever she wanted without warning. It ended in a VERY dramatic sit down with me, Boyfriend, MIL, and SFIL. (step-father-in-law). Sigh. We don't live there anymore!
3- My MIL likes to make plans. For me. Without telling me. She's told her friends that Hubby & I would go white water rafting with them, planned the date and times we would visit Thailand with her (hubby used to live there), and plans for us to stay the night at her mother's house while visiting family 3 hours away. Siiiigh.
I think my favorite is the bowling alley wedding. Matching shirts for the wedding party (very Brit and K-Fed, no?). She sounds awesome. Nothing says, 'your wedding is special' more than rental shoes reeking of Lysol...
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