Saturday, May 7, 2011

Mother’s Day is Always a Disappointment.

I wrote this exactly one year ago today. Still true.
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Mother’s Day is always a disappointment. And you know that my husband is awesome and a total bad ass. I adore him. But honestly, though he tries really hard - he has yet to get Mother’s Day right. On my very first mother’s day he gave me the gift every new mom wants most, the kind you can’t wrap up with a bow or buy from a super cheesy jewelry store at the mall: sleeping in. The best gift ever. I slept until ten (after waking up with Thumbelina every hour and half) and then he served me breakfast.

They say the mark of a talented chef is the ability to create meals “on the fly”. Apparently, the cupboard was bare that morning and the idea of taking the baby to the grocery store was something that either never occurred to him or was simply rejected as being too difficult. So this is the breakfast I awoke to on my first Mother’s Day:

Lemon. Raisin. Oatmeal.

Think about what that would taste like. Oatmeal cooked with raisins. Ok fine. We’ve all had that. They make cookies from that.  My Scottish grandmother used to make it for breakfast every day. A little butter, a little sugar… not bad. Now squeeze a lemon over it. Are you vomiting yet? It was awful. And I had to pretend that I loved it because he and the baby were standing over me smiling me, like “Huh? Huh? Do ya love it? We made it for you!” It was months later before I could tell him the truth and be like – lemon raisin oatmeal is foul and I will never eat it again.

Do you know what I want for Mother’s Day this year? Here’s a list:
  • Eight uninterrupted hours of sleep in a bed with clean sheets and a comforter that no one has changed a diaper on or wiped their nose with or farted under for a few days. But really, I just want those eight those hours. I don’t care of it’s on the basement floor.
  • The ability to go for a long, long walk alone with my iPod and not come home to a trashed living room or crying kids or a barking dog.
  • Freedom from the shackles of my damn dishwasher for 24 hours. I don’t even want to look at it.
  • To snuggle with the children and read a story without getting elbowed in the boob or told I’m reading it wrong or have someone get their feelings hurt and cry because I have yet to figure out how it is physically possible to put two arms around three kids.
  • The laundry done. Just once. DONE. Suck it, Randy. (Newbies, Randy is the Laundry Fairy.  He talks to me.) I know that will never happen but I seriously hate the laundry almost as much as I hate you, Randy.
  • My kids not to reenact the Battle of Bull Run in our playroom while playing Super Mario Brothers.
  • Twenty four hours without the ear-splitting Scream of Gondor that all three of my children unleash with little or no provocation multiple times per day. The scream that shreds my already tattered nerves and makes small drips of blood trickle out of my ears.
  • At least one really good meal that I don’t cook. Or clean up. Possibly at a restaurant. If at a restaurant, then arrangements (babysitter, reservations) that I did not have to make myself for my own special day.
  • In the evening, to have the kids in bed and asleep by 8:00 so that I can drink a little too much with my husband and giggle and watch a movie or talk and maybe, possibly something else.
How much do all these things cost? Think about it. Review the list. Take your time...

They are mur. thur. fur. king FREE.

Will I get any of them? Possibly. Maybe one. Why can I predict with total certainty that this year will also be a colossal cluster of not what I want for my special day?

 Here’s my schedule:

  • 7:00 Wake up totally exhausted and frantically dress self and Thumbelina
  • 8:00 Leave house
  •  8:15 Thumbelina’s choir practice
  •  8:45 Church service that Thumbelina’s choir sings in
  • 10:00-11:15 Free time. Awesome. That’s convenient.
  • 11:15 I am scheduled to teach Bible stories to 3-5 year olds and no one else on the volunteer schedule will switch with me. Dicks.
  • 12:45 I finally leave church (probably will be feeling a little grouchy).
  • 1:00 Arrive home to baby awaking from 3 hour nap, big kids screaming for lunch, kitchen trashed and Cap’n at his wit’s end. Open mother’s day gifts.
  • 2:30 Lunch made, eaten and kitchen cleaned while Cap’n mows the lawn that is so overgrown as to be embarrassing and also eliciting “Clampett” comments from unkind neighbors.
  • 2:45 Call mother, grandmother & mother-in-law to wish them happy Mother’s Day.  Pound cold, scalded coffee from coffee pot so as not to pass out.
  • 3:15 Kids bouncing off wall. Cap’n suggests taking them for a walk. I glare at him, shake my head and stay home checking email, Facebook in relative peace and quiet.
  • 3:45 Where are they? Choir starts at 4…
  • 3:50 Frantically drive to choir like bat out of hell. Hang out during practice on picnic table while other, smaller kids play outside while also fielding text messages from the Cap’n about what he is trying to cook for special dinner and where is the malt vinegar. Dread…
  • 5:30 Arrive home. Kitchen trashed again. Dinner smells delicious but still 30 minutes away from being done. Have to beat children with reeds and wet blankets to keep them from raiding the fridge as they are starving and yummy smells are making them crazy in the manner of a pack of wild monkeys.
  • 7:00 Sit down to delicious dinner.
  • 8:45 Children finally asleep. First sip of wine.
  • 9:45 Second glass of wine. Happy and relaxed. Talking and laughing with husband.
  • 10:15 Baby wakes up.
  • 10:35 Baby finally asleep. Look at husband. Asleep in chair with remote in hand and Sports Center theme song blaring.  And so I will spend the remainder of my mother's day - sipping wine alone, clicking between E! and old episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, muttering to myself that this was not what I had in mind. 
Actually, drinking wine alone while watching E! and Buffy doesn't sound half bad...

 Sigh…

Ok, it hasn’t happened yet. But mark my words, it probably will.

So Happy Freaking Mother’s Day to all of you.  Kate and I want to let you know how awesome you are and how happy it makes us that we're all in MommyLand together.  We really (sniffle) appreciate you and all that you do for your families.  We know it's hard but that we wouldn't change it for anything.

Except for a couple of things on that list...

xo, Lydia
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71 comments:

  1. Sounds about like what my day will turn into!

    What I really want: A whole day of using the bathroom BY MYSELF!!!!!

    Sherry

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  2. Last year Mother's Day was just 2 days before my ex served me with divorce papers. I did not know this at the time. We still lived in the same home. I was told we were going to Cracker Barrel for breakfast. I told them that no, we were going to church. In fact, I didn't want to go there for lunch either, I wanted the Cheesecake Factory. The kids grudgingly went to Children's church where they made Mother's Day gifts. (A jar with ingredients for cookies and all decorated.) When I exclaimed that yay I got two, my oldest (6 at the time) told me that hers was for Daddy. I burst into tears, ran to the car and told them to take me home. I sat in my bed and cried until I could calm down. Then I got my trip to The Cheesecake Factory. It was swell.

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  3. If Cap'n was really trying to be good this year, he'd just read your blog and then follow suit. :)

    What I really want: A baby to be a mother too! Hubby isn't ready yet. Siiigh.

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  4. My first Mother's day- two years ago- was about a week after my son was born. I remember nothing, except getting to stand up when they ask the Mom's to stand up, and subsequently bursting into tears of gratitude and happiness. Last year, my husband got me a card and we went out to eat, but we were very low on money with me not working, economy, etc. Again, I was just grateful that he still had a job and we were together. This year... Big promotion and we're in the midst of moving 5 hours away from my Mom(1st time EVER and I am 36), other than ten mins(we leave the 15th). He is already there working and I am packing whole house alone with a two year old. He won't be back till Tues. I told him he OWES me. LOL And I am with you on the dishwasher. How is it ALWAYS in need of filling and unfilling? HOW???

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  5. I think E!, Buffy, and wine sounds awesome, and I want that as my present. Unfortunately, my child is two months old and my husband doesn't seem to understand that it's his responsibility to get me something (even a thank you card would be nice) since I'm "not his mother." ::sigh::

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  6. I'm with you on that day but my day start's at 6am and I get to work all day to about midnight.

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  7. "11:15 I am scheduled to teach Bible stories to 3-5 year olds and no one else on the volunteer schedule will switch with me. Dicks."

    HA!

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  8. Amen to all that! I hate "Mother's Day". It's not for the mothers at all. All it does is make you feel like a rotten mom, since no one wants to acknowledge otherwise.

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  9. Holy Crow-butt, batman!
    Are you and I living in the same house,tv shows and all?
    The only thing to add for me is the guilt trip from my mother about not spending enough time with her on mother's day. Oh, the guilt, the guilt.

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  10. Yes, with 5 kids ages 15 down to 15 month old twins, I always have high hopes and always end up bitting my tongue and holding back the tears because it never works out the way I wish.

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  11. I would love your list. But since this is my first Mother's Day as a mom... I did something terrible. I basically already ruined my husband for mothers days in the future. I bought a pack of frozen cinnamon buns and told him they were for him to make on Mother's Day. Yeah. I bought my own breakfast. And I'll be REALLY surprised if I get anything else. Probably not even a card.

    Stupid Hallmark Holiday.

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  12. I must say--it gets better when the youngest are a bit older, but still---always a challenge of a day. What the he11 was the choir director thinking scheduling rehearsal for Mother's Day afternoon. That's my profession, and seriously..asking Moms to drive the whole carpool, miss out on a chance to relax with no where to have to get the kids to--that's was pretty rude! HEre's to hoping for a good day.

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  13. My mother is coming to visit from over 600 miles away this weekend...so I get to clean house this Mother's Day while hearing the occasional comment about how I could do it so much easier if only I was organized and did it *this* way!

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  14. Yup.

    I though my favorite line was:
    To snuggle with the children and read a story without getting elbowed in the boob or told I’m reading it wrong or have someone get their feelings hurt and cry because I have yet to figure out how it is physically possible to put two arms around three kids.
    because that's exactly my wish... but then I read this:

    How much do all these things cost? Think about it. Review the list. Take your time...

    They are mur. thur. fur. king FREE.

    and I LOL'd and woke the baby sleep nursing on me. THANKS A LOT. :)

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  15. One Mother's day I started to wake up, thinking how nice it was that the kids had left me alone, I smiled and stretched. Then I was soaking wet all across my midsection WTF? I hadn't opened my eyes yet so I did not see the huge bowl of milk with a little bit of cereal that my children had sneaked in with and put on my stomach while I was still sleeping. I guess that's what they thought I meant when I said "Let Mommy sleep in and then you can bring me breakfast." (they are usually so excited that they come in at 7:00 and daddy doesn't stop them) It was pretty cute. I thanked them and then spent the day washing all the bedding!

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  16. My kids told me today (we have 5 of them) that they aren't really doing anything for Mother's Day because they want to start preparing for Daddy's stuff for Father's Day... AND CAN I HELP THEM????

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  17. Buffy and wine sounds awesome. I think that will be on my list...

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  18. After 6 years of Mother's Days spent at my MIL'S!!!! (on demand, no less), I finally get the day you describe as likely. I'm considering it progress. Happy Freakin Mother's Day to you too!

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  19. I have you beat:
    I have been with my husband for 13 years..so that's 13 birthdays he has known and celebrated
    I have been a mother for 9 of them..so that's 9 Mothers Days he has known and celebrated
    We have been married for 8 years ..so that's 8 anniversary's he has known and celebrated
    So on May 9th is MD, May 31st is our Ann. and June 6th is my birthday, and yet he will be surprised that these are all coming and have nothing planned our bought for any of those days! Trust me because last week when I mentioned MD he and I quote "crap whens that??" REALLY?!?!?
    Then I get the same excuse..I don't have any money..WRONG... I do control the money because he cant balance a check book to save his life but he has a credit card that I put money on every paycheck and he does computer work on the side and that money goes right to him. But he eats it all at sheetz and spends the rest on stupid shit then when "my days" come he didn't have any money to buy anything! yeah right...
    but in the end Fathers day and his birthday are next month guess whose getting another stupid shirt from the kids :)..wow that was long..sorry for the rant!

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  20. the best is when you bust your a$$ to drive 2 hours to your mom's with 2 sullen, bitching teenagers and then she freaking laps up all the attention...and conveniently forgets that hey, you're a MOM too! funny how that works, huh?
    literally never says happy m. day to you even once.

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  21. Last night after I got my 6 yo and 2 yo to bed, my 9 yo daughter and I got some much needed quiet time snuggling in her bed just talking (as a single mom, this never happens), in the middle she stops and tells me that I am the best mom in the whole world.
    Screw Mother's day, I live for moments like that.

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  22. chuck e. cheese sent me a coupon for mother's day this year. because i really want to spend mother's day chasing four kids around chuck e. cheese while they run screaming from the giant mouse and complaining that they need more tokens and eating crappy pizza. really?

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  23. For the past 10 days, my 7 yr old DS has looked at the family calendar and announced, "It's 10 (9, 8, etc) days until Mother's Day and I STILL haven't gotten you anything!". What bothers me the most is that he announces this with such pride and glee.

    Oh, and as a mother to 6 kids, I TOTALLY "get" your feelings AND your list! Two years ago, after spending Mother's Day weekend at The Wisc. Dells (yes, the whole weekend in my swimsuit!), I declared that I wanted a "do-over"! lol

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  24. LMAO...love this!!! The oatmeal reminded me of my husband's first attempt at trying to make breakfast for me on our 1st MD together--my older two girls "helped" and I ended up with eggs and...... Chicken nuggets! Yup the breakfast of champions and a fav for all kids, LOL My husband and older two girls were so proud of themselves too that I had to curb my comments too. Yup its the effort that is commended, but seriously? Chicken nuggets? For breakfast? Yea, this year I just pray for sleep. All I want is blessed sleep...

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  25. I loved the post. My first mother's day day I got exactly what I wanted and you had mentioned.. a full morning sleeping until 10, of course I woke up to a hungry 9 month old and a hubby asking for breakfast.

    The second Mother's day I spend it at my In laws house and no one of them remembered I was also am other. Nor my own mother. Just my husband who invite me for a romantic dinner and we ask my mother to take care of our then toddler. ( They live in a different country so that was like a special day ;) )

    The third ..well let's see what happens this weekend but so far I guess I will be trying to calm a teething infant and an almost 3 year old toddler :)

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  26. Oh, that Cap'n has some work to do! How 'bout this? He mows the lawn on Saturday, like every other suburbanite - that way he has no time-consuming chores, nor do you feel that you take second place to rabbit food. Mulched rabbit food.

    On The Day, he QUIETLY gets up at 7 am and gets all 3 children out the door, leaving fresh coffee in a thermos and decadent pastries beside the bed for whenever you get up. Drive back after church to pick you up. Thus you read the bible stories with the lilting voice of a mommy who got to Sleep In. While you are gone, perhaps the laundry will get done - at least the current clean pile folded and put away...or maybe not. In fact, given that we are talking about a guy working with the 'help' of two kids and a toddler, you would probably rather just keep that laundry door firmly closed. That way you don’t have to re-wash the clean pile.

    You come back home and don't even enter the house (yes, it will be trashed. It's a fact.) But the Cap'n has the kids ready and takes you out to lunch after service (it may be Micky-D's to fit in the budget, but hey, it's the thought that counts, plus the fact that your kitchen isn't trashed, right?). Unleash the children on the play area (or a handy park on the way home) while you get your walk.

    Then back home for baby's nap #2 and your round of phone calls. Then choir and dinner, which he WILL CLEAN UP afterwards while you put the kids to bed. Perhaps he will get 'help' from Thumbelina and Hawk at different times to avoid the 3 kids 2 arms problem. (I'm one of 8 kids and we never really found a good solution to that one except that book reading was a 1-on-1 activity and if you horned in on someone else's reading time it was understood that you hovered over the shoulder and didn't even try to usurp The Lap)

    Can't really help you on the screaming (duct tape?), battle re-enactments (with accompanying hogtie?), or growing you a 3rd arm (anyone else occasionally jealous of those Indian goddesses with like a dozen arms? I comfort myself with the theory that they must have gone through a lot of deodorant). And let's be real - the full (but maybe clean) dishwasher will be waiting for you on Monday morning, do what you will. The laundry...dreaming, of course, but you can at least ignore it for one day.

    Umm. Four out of nine. Better than nothing? And let's be real, the sleeping in is the REAL wish, right?

    I suggest you print this out and tape it to the Cap'ns forehead. Devoted husbands get subtle hints like that, if you use enough tape.

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  27. Ugh. Mother's Day. I'm a single mom so like Kelli I live for the day-to-day special moments. My mom is good with covering holidays for my son, but Mother's Day just runs us through the motions....I do stuff for her, she does stuff for me, but one of us ends up with a dirty kitchen and both of us are exhausted.

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  28. My husband doesn't get it. He never plans anything for me for my birthday, Christmas and definatly not Mother's Day. My mom and I always end up planning Mother's Day. I said this year I am not doing anything. I want to see if he will step up. I find out my mom called him yesterday to arrange something.

    Happy Mother's Day to all my mommy friends.

    You Know you are a mom when...
    http://parenting-happinesstochaos.blogspot.com/

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  29. I love your blog! This is my first mother's day as a single mom, my son is 4, and he's with his dad until 5pm on Sunday...So I'm going to drive 5 hours to have a T-Box with a great friend!!! Happy Mother's Day!

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  30. This year I dropped HUGE, UNMISTAKABLE hints that I wanted a bracelet for MD. He was like, "whatever". So then this week he told me that a LARGE box would be delivered to our house and that I was not to open it. On the day he said, sure enough a box was delivered. But it was NOT large and the return address was "corrections officer". I called to make sure this was the box I was to not open. He said yes. I repeated the return address. Again yes. WTF? So I went to our computer, used his e-mail password & found the tracking number for the package. It was from a jewelry website that uses this return address to prevent theft. He bought me exactly what I wanted. So now I have to act surprised. LOL!!!!

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  31. new mom in christ, Spend $200 on a a new outfit and shoes and tell him it was your MD's gift to yourself. Next year he'll get you something....

    Holly, take $ out of his budget next month and tell him you helped him buy you a gift! Make sure it is a lot. He'll have $ next year.

    My husband and daughter are great...but I honestly don't need MD. They are great all year long. Which is a good thing because my daughter has a softball tournament all weekend long! So yesterday I made ice cream pies, and today I made pasta salad just in case we are done at a reasonable hour on MD, and my family can come back to our house... But I really don't mind. Does that make me a freak????

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  32. I thought that when the kids got older that my Mother's Days would get better because they would MAKE my dh get with the program. Not!

    I heard the other day on the news that the day after Mother's Day is one of the days that women cheat the most on, including the day after Valentine's Day and the day after New Year's....hmmmmmm

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  33. Why can't they just know? I dread Mother's Day! My hubby thinks it's only about HIS MOM. Hello, I'm a mom too!! Or have you forgotten about the 11 hours I spent having the twins that were 10 min looong minutes apart, and the wrong side up baby I toted around all summer! (God knows I love'm and wouldn’t trade on second of it)

    I got a fishin pole once, yep. The funny thing was- I caught more fish then him, lol, and no, I haven't let him live that down yet. So this year, 12 years a mother, I am just gonna wake up, like it's a normal (normal in mommy world) day and roll with it, not expecting anything, no special treatment, no breakfast that I will end up cleaning up my self. Get dressed for church, get the kids dressed, then I might wake my hubby up and let him know what I will be doing on this 1 day of mine. And simply give the invite to come along.

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  34. The only thing I can say is " GUY'S ARE CLUELESS" They think we are blowing things out of proportion with these holiday's AND then FATHER'S DAY COMES ITS a whole different senerio..

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  35. My husband told me yesterday that "it's Mother's Day not Wive's Day". I guess that means I won't be getting any special treatment. My twins are only 18 month old, so too small to do anything on their own. Oh, and I had to send his mom a Mother's day card because he never remembers. Sigh.

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  36. Happy Mommy's day to you all, too!!

    hahahah! I just love how you call good church folks "dicks." Had I been drinking something I would have snarfed it out of my nose!

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  37. Wow, this will be my Mother's Day, too! Thanks for commiserating. Or...wait, I guess I'm commiserating with you, not the other way around, right? Stupid language.

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  38. I was asked by my daughter's Father. When I went to the store today if I picked up a card for myself from the girl's for Mother's Day.. I was like not jerk. Then I asked him if he picked up one for himself for his Birthday from the girl's and then said doesn't that sound pathetic.... I did pick one up for his mother from me.. Guy or Men will they ever get it.. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL YOU SPECIAL WOMEN OUT THERE.. You so deserve so much more...

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  39. I'm pregnant with our first child (first trimester)...do I still get to celebrate Mother's Day?

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  40. I bought myself a ruby ring and thanked my husband. Think this may become an annual tradition!

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  41. My grandmother always guilts us into going to her house on MD because "no one cares about her if we don't show." I told her this year we were going camping and wouldn't be in town. I am now enjoying my coffee, with kids screaming in the background for breakfast, and couldn't be happier that I didn't have to put on a bra, wrap gifts for people who are not my Mother (grandmother, aunt, ect.), and leave the house by 8am. Here's to camping!! LOL

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  42. My Grandmother was a labor organizer. Every Mother's Day, I read some cheesy article about how to replace me. They always say, it would cost my husband $100,000 a year. (I don't think they are including the cost of sex workers in this equation.) Then, I consider striking. My demands would be similar to yours. Except for me, breakfast in bed would mean a coffee and smoking two cigarettes in a smoke free zone.

    One year, I did strike after Mother's Day. After three weeks, I realized, nobody cares what the house looks like; if they have clean clothes; if familial obligations are met; if social obligation are met; or any of the other things I make happen.

    These things happen because "Mommy cares." And everyone is happy that Mommy cares, because it makes them better people. But, they don't really care if they are better people or not. They'd be just as happy showing up to McDonald's for a paycheck. But, Mommy cares that Daddy can buy the "gaping black void begging to be filled with stories and video games" that hangs on our living room wall where fine art used to live. Mommy cares that everyone is healthy. Mommy cares that our neighbors have no inclination to call Children's Services because our children look neglected. Mommy cares that the children are enriched and educated. But, given a look at America's underside, so many people don't care. And neither do they. And unlike major corporations....there is no financial interest at stake with my failure to perform my job.

    So, I've come to realize, Mother's Day isn't something I should feel invested in. I care if the house is clean, so I clean it. I care that the children are educated and enriched, so I do that also. I care that our bodies are healthy. I care that my husband can not only meet his needs, but also meet the needs of our entire family.

    So, I have to ask myself, why am I spending so much energy trying to convert a bunch of people to my vision? And everyday there is so much love, sweetness and admiration for all of the things I do. (Not to mention all of those annoying best intentions which never work out the way the intender imagined them to be.)

    It's not going to change. That's okay. One of the things they all love about me is that I gave up an executive career to look after their pitiful asses. From now on, I'm using my Powers Of Delegation. If I want the holiday to look like I want it to look, then, I'll make action statements, request progress reports and evaluate performance at the end of the day. That's why they love me. I run our house like I'd run any other business. (Except with more caring, softness, cooperation and love.)

    This year, I suddenly realized, I'm okay with changing our roles for one week. I've learned, the week before Mother's Day is like being a corporate executive. I plan it. You execute it. And check back for a performance review. And if that review is not favorable....your pay will be reduced. It is hummus sandwiches for a week for dinner. No more gourmet meals for you guys. And no sympathy for your personal "mother issues" which prevent you from handling dirty dishes. The bitch will emerge and she will be fierce. So, here are your marching orders...get busy. (And somehow I find myself contemplating the early women's movement and the idea of masturbation as empowerment. I I think I see their point.) So, ladies, please yourselves. But, do allow others to assist you in the process.

    (Thank you for letting me say something I feel unable to say publically on my own blog/FB/or other social site. Bless you!)

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  43. I told my husband about the comforter "no one has farted under for a couple days", and he directed me to the "Better Marriage Blanket" (check it out, it's worth a laugh: https://www.bettermarriageblanket.com/). Guilty conscience? Yesser.

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  44. In years past, I have gotten breakfast in bed, complete with the Sunday paper, plus a selection of lovingly-crafted and presented homemade gifts. This year, I had to wake up the husband lest we all be late for church because yes, youngest was singing and we had to be there EARLY, and Sunday mornings are probably the least Christian time in my household, owing to all the yelling and back-talking and cajoling and bribing to get 3 boys to wake up and get ready for church, DAMMIT!

    I snorted when you said "dicks" because no one would switch with you. Stupid church, anyway. :-)

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  45. I spent Mother's Day getting the could shoulder from my husband because I told him a few days before that he needed to help out around the house more (the man's only chore aside from making the money is to take out the kitchen garbage when he remembers. I kid you not! I take the cars to have oil changes and pay the neighbor boy to mow the lawn so that we're not mistaken for the Clampetts.) I had to cook my own Mother's Day meal. It was a non-event and I spent a good portion of it in tears. I think Mother's Day should be abolished.

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  46. The night before mothers day my husband had the bright idea to go out on get drunk. I had told him that all I wanted for mother(since he said he wasnt going to do anything) was to be able to sleep in and he get up with our two year old. Mother's Day comes and he's got a hangover. About 9am I finally get up after laying in bed for an hour listening to our son and down run crazy through our house and what do I find???? My lovely husband asleep on the couch. I told him to go lay in bed if he was that tired and I would take our son out. I ended up at my Grandmother's house sitting on her front porch crying my eyes out while my son played in her front yard. I got a call from my husband while I was there and he told me that I was just being dramatic and that he didnt understand what he did wrong. I agree with Elizabeth that Mother's Day should be abolished/

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  47. I guess what we can deduce about many comments is that we hate Mother's Day because we end up overlooked/have squashed feelings/end up drunk if we don't plan something for ourselves.....

    haha....guys can be such douchebags. Can you imagine if we *gasp* FATHER'S DAY?! The horror.

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  48. I think for mother's day, we should all go out. Alone -- I mean, without them. We should organize Mom's day celebrations at hotels. All the local women would lounge about in pajamas, drinking champagne, getting massages from hot young masseurs, and napping. No phones. No dishwashers. Each and every Mother's day. Just up and leave.
    Not as a punishment for our idiotic husbands or ill-behaved children, but as a frickin' reward for our efforts on EVERYONE ELSE'S BEHALF.
    We could have scholarships for the less financially-stable. I'd fork over an extra $25 if it meant that somebody else could get a much-needed day off.

    I am lucky. I really am. My mother is the soul of understanding. I got her present to her yesterday, and she knows that I won't be around on Sunday. My husband is reasonably good about remembering holidays -- if I remind him forcefully. But I still make my own reservations and I clean the house the night before so I can enjoy it all day long.

    But YES, we do need a better plan.
    kate in MI

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  49. yeah. mother's day. whoop de freakin doo. so far this morning (it's already mother's day here), i've been peed on by a baby, had the bed peed on by a baby, had to sleep on the couch due to the wet bed (4:30am) which meant BOTH the babies woke up, been awakened by the screaming 4 year old at 6:30am, ran a wash load of peed on sheets, unloaded a dishwasher which contained (still) dirty dishes despite being run last night & listened to my not-so-dear husband call to wish his mother a happy mother's day...despite the fact that he has yet to say it to me. oh, and i got a starbucks coffee. your blog is my hero. hope your list works out.

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  50. This site never fails to re-enforce my plan of never having kids. My husband can just continue to refer to our pets as his kids. It takes a special kind of crazy masochist to be a mom;especially since you don't even get one freaking day of appreciation!

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  51. You have a dishwasher? Lucky, lucky you. I'm sitting here at 9 pm procrastinating washing 2 day's worth of dishes *by hand* because 5 year old sweetiepie son has told me he's going to make me breakfast, but there are no clean bowls or spoons.
    (I left the dishwasher when I left the husband. It's been worth it.)

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  52. I totally agree! In 11 years I have only gotten 1 mothers day gift from my husband and the way everyone in this house is acting I'll be surprised if I even hear "happy mothers day" from any of them. Screw this I'm done getting fathers day gifts for hubby & I honestly never really understood why fathers day seems to be such a huge occasion, as far as I can tell everyday is fathers day. Aside from mothers day they are hardly expected to do any housework or to really watch the kids for any amount of time...

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  53. This was the first post I ever read by you ladies, and it's still my favorite!

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  54. I am still shocked that it will take you one hour to refill your glass!! haha..love it and so so true.. I am dreading tomorrow!!

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  55. First mother's day didn't count - new babes in NICU. Next MD - get to the end of the day and hubby is genuinely surprised at my upset because he assumes that Mother's Day is a day where I revel in being a mother - including doing all the parenting that day. Next MD - I take myself out for lunch and a movie for the afternoon - BY MYSELF. Totally awesome. It's my new Mother's Day tradition!
    ps. I would totally swap with you at church - if you take the next long weekend when I'm scheduled :)

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  56. I can't count how many necklaces I get. Just once I want a hotel room away from everything. Go to bed when I want, watch what I want, and wake up when I want. That's it. I usually feel guilty too because I end up irritated with my daughter and fell like I should not have those feelings. I work full time, just finished 5 final exams, 7 months pregnant, and a 3 year old. I just want a BREAK!!!! 1 day...

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  57. This year, I've foiled everyone. What I WANT, more than anything else, is to bring home leftovers from lunch with my parents, toss in a couple of movies NO MATTER WHETHER ANYONE HAS EARNED A MOVIE OR NOT, and sew, with a break to reheat leftovers for dinner. Because I have a custom order that I need to be finished by the end of Thursday.

    Daddy has evening shift? Perfect. Children are grumpy jerks? Watch the movie or go to your room. Don't want to cook? Covered. And I rode the kids through drawing cards for everybody today, including myself, so I'll have something sweet to save and cry over when they're older. The End. I made so little noise about Mother's Day, my husband got nervous and made chocolates and cookies as gifts (Are we broke? Oh even yesser! No money for dinner out, thank you.), since I was obviously too busy to both whip up gourmet treats AND sew at the same time, so we have gifts for everyone. I wrapped them myself this afternoon.

    And I've totally already given him kudos for doing such a thoughtful thing, which is making him even more nervous. He asked me what I wanted for breakfast tomorrow. My reply? "Whatever. We have eggs, right?" I.don't.care. I think not caring about my dang Mother's Day Experience may be the nicest gift I've ever given myself. I even saved myself a couple leftover chocolates. I'll eat them late tomorrow evening while mentally high-fiving myself for being a great mother.

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  58. I was at Kohls tonight shopping for my MIL a present from my husband. I received a call from said husband and he said " what are you doing" I said "I am at Kohls" He said " have you bought my mom anything, yet?" I said "I am looking right now" he said " while your at it buy yourself something from me". Isn't he thoughtful?

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  59. This just gets more true the second year! I'm at work (it's 3:30am) where I'll be til 8am. When I get off, I get the lovely 1/2hr ride home, then hopefully an hour or two of sleep. My husband got laid off two weeks ago, so one would think that while our finances are a disaster, at least I should get a little bit of alone time, yes? Probably not so much. He's busy wallowing in the misery of feeling like he can't support his family, so he's... not supporting his family. Go figure. Grr. So I'll sleep for an hour or two, then get up, spend the day chasing around the toddler and the infant, then crash for another hour or two after bedtime before my shift starts at midnight. Rinse and repeat.

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  60. Yep, my husband's a priest and MD is always on a Sunday...what's the friggin point??

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  61. My husband is amazing on Mother's Day. He cooks me exactly what I want on Mother's Day. This year all he has to do is cook the leftover cinnamon rolls that I already made for the teacher breakfast on friday, but still. He makes my tea, cuts and washes strawberries and cooks sausage, too. He usually takes the kids out the Saturday before Mother's Day to shop for gifts, though this year he did it a whole week in advance. In previous years he changed all diapers, did the dishes and even washed and dried a load of laundry. He tries to make sure the kids behave and don't give me too much grief on my "special day". He lets me set the agenda and goes along with anything I want to do, even that one year when I was depressed about a recent miscarriage and just wanted to sit and watch Pride and Prejudice all afternoon.

    I think my husband should teach seminars. He is amazing. (I said that already, didn't I?)

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  62. I feel guilty. It's one pm and I'm checking fb from my phone. My ex husband has my daughter today so I can sleep in then once I'm awake I can call and he shall bring her back to me then he is taking me my daughter and his mother out for dinner. I truly hope y'all s hubbys shape up. :-(

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  63. Hi ladies! I just wanted to rant a second. first off happy mothers day u guys rock. so its mothers day. i did manage to get an extra half hour of sleep more than usual and breakfast made for me...pretty sure thats where my mothers day ended. i manage a quick shower and then got the kids ready to go myself and did my makeup in the car (epic fail it was similar to lydias professionalism) church, followed by meeting both my parents and his parents along with my sister and her husband and 2 yr old and his 2 sisters and 3yr old nephew for brunch at a banquet...which i did a 'reservation' for, which we stood around for 15 min while they got a table for which was 2 seperate tables..awesome. baby thows a fit every 5 min so i got to spend most of my brunch standing around and rocking. first thing oout of my hubs mouth when we leave? where can we go now. (im telling you ladies this man is obsessed with constantly doing things!!) and has known for years now my wish is to.do.nothing. but that never happens. how about a movie he says..how bout no?? 1 what part of id like to relax do u not understand and 2 we are forever broke and we just paid for a subpar brunch. since its quite the nice day i say lets go home change and go hang out at the park. coolio? he falls asleep i get the kids changed and snack and get everyone out the door. while at the park a friend calls and he COMPLAINS to friend about how i dont want to do anything. oh and then this person asks if we wanna come over..gah! so of course he asks me. WHUCK? imma bout ready to square up and im out of wine. there im done. novel much? hope yours was a good one! i found some captain morgan so cheers!

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  64. My husband broke my oven changing the lightbulb today. Not even kidding. Mother's Day sucks.

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  65. This Mother's Day was a bust for me. I was saddled with a migraine so I was in bed pretty much all day. Hubby took care of the kids, house, and meals....or so I thought. The next day I had the pleasure of cleaning the lefover dinner dishes and washing down our grease-laden stove (he made fried chicken and boy did it ever show!). And the kids had not any clean clothes & socks for school for Monday either! Le'sigh...

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  66. I actually think these comments are pretty selfish. My husband and I both lost our mother's and we are miserable on Mother's Day missing them. It's a day where the people you love make an effort. If they get it wrong so what?
    For the record my husband hasn't always gotten Mother's Day right either. But this year I got to sleep in, he made me breakfast, and he and the kids got me a basket with 8 bottles of chardonnay, a gift card to Dunkin Donuts, itunes and a very generous gift card to Nordstroms! He definitely made an effort. Probably b/c I didn't bitch about how lousy the others were.

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  67. And umm how can your husband be a priest? They AREN'T ALLOWED TO MARRY. Nice try. If my husband was a minister or man of the clergy (outside of Catholic) why couldn't you just have a Mother's Day on Saturday?

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  68. my husband let me sleep in until 11:00. ELEVEN O CLOCK. it was AWESOME.

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  69. Mother's Day is a wash for me. It was my second Mother's Day that made up my mind about separating with my daughter's dad. After working until 1 am the previous night, my daughter, who has always despised sleep woke at 4:45. Majorly offensive. My ex rolled over and got up. I thought, "oh my f-ing god he's getting up with the baby because its Mother's Day!!!" NOPE. Grabbed his fishing rod and headed out the door. But to his credit he did yell happy Mother's Day as he headed out the door. Worst Mother's Day ever!!

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  70. Hello everyone this is the period i got my ex back December with the power of a spell caster called Dr Kate love and return spell, my husband was cheating on me and he left with the woman and told me he is in love with her, so i was online and i meet Dr Kate and explain everything to him, and Dr Kate promise he will come back after the casting of the love and return spell in the next 48 hours, so after the casting of the spell everything go according to our plans and my husband came back begging for my forgiveness and will celebrated last Xmas together he love and cherish me more than before and also listen to my advice and i know and i believe will are also going to celebrate this coming Xmas together. if you know you need your ex and your love once better contact him before Xmas comes up: katelovespell@hotmail.com he is the best and i promise i will always share his testimony every December

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