It's been one week since Mother's Day. As you know, I didn't have particularly high hopes for that day. Ironically, my low expectations really helped. It was actually pretty good. I have no complaints. The laundry all got done. I did it myself, but done is done. And at my house that hardly ever happens (you SUCK, Randy). The baby slept in - until 9:00 am - which is unprecedented. Of course I was up at 7:00 am because of choir, so the only parent that got to reap the benefit and get any rest on Mother's Day was my husband. That seems fair. But truthfully, the whole family was sweet and very nice to me and it was a very good day. I even got one and a half good meals I didn't have to make myself. Then I got my period. So that was even awesomer.
I guess I should be thankful though, because I recently saw a news story on a dating website (that I will not name) that is exclusively for married people. It's tagline is: "Life is short. Have an affair." This is not a joke. They get about 2,500 new members per day. Except for last week. On the day after Mother's Day, they had over 30,000 women open new accounts.
The douche who runs this website claims he's doing the rest of us a public service. Because otherwise, these folks would be hooking up with co-workers and getting fired or hitting more traditional dating sites and engaging in relations with unsuspecting singles. So - you're welcome, America.
Are you kidding me?
I'm not even going to get into the moral crappiness of this site. I just want to make a statement to the 30,000 women who decided to sign up for this "dating" service because Mother's Day was a disappointment. And here it is:
You are the stupidest damn jackholes imaginable. On what level is this a good idea? Where is the logic? Let's use some very basic Lydia-style reasoning to see how you got from point A to point B.
Item 1: Husband is an inconsiderate, selfish dick who has no appreciation for you.
Item 2: Your Mother's Day sucked. You wanted something shiny and some flowers and some time to yourself and maybe a little romance. Instead you got him being a jackass.
Item 3: You feel justifiably bad.
Item 4: You seek out another inconsiderate, selfish dick to make yourself feel better. Except this one is also a stranger and totally anonymous and could be a serial killer and is additionally, by merit of being a member of this "service", also a lying, cheating douchebag (and probably someone who treated his own wife even worse on Mother's Day).
Well... Of course. That makes total sense even to me (and I haven't slept since 2003). Because two worthless arse-holes are better than one, right? You're a genius. That's not doing something for yourself, that's yourself making a big mistake. One you will pay for for years. The best case scenario is that you get stuck with someone else's loser husband (with his own track record of dirty internet cheating). So, if you are one of the 30,000+ women who signed up for this site last Monday, may I make a suggestion? Consider it an alternative to Item 4. Let's call it:
I'm not saying that this is the answer. And sure, in some states it's considered "assault". But it's a whole lot better than the alternative, trust me.
And now you're welcome, 30,000+ women.
Subscribe in a reader
(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010
I was recently informed that people really enjoy reading about all the ways I make an ass of myself in public. Here's the good news: exa...
So last summer, my youngest daughter (age 5) began seeing previews for a new Dora show called Dora and Friends: Into the City! Gone was th...
Whole30 Day 0: Later this week, I'm starting a diet/nutrition/sadness program called Whole30 . Where you eat nothing but strict Pa...
We’ve had a lot of people ask us to write a post about the seemingly innocent topic of the Mother-in-Law. Seriously, people? Are you kidding...
Guru Louise and I asked you about what most teachers really want for end of the year gifts. We got hundreds of answers on Facebook , Tw...
Here is a helpful holiday tip so that people won't hate you. I'd like to clarify something about the holidays. Let's say you...
It's winter and its freezing and it's always dark and everyone is sort of sick. So at my house, it is the season of watching too muc...
When I got the email with this guest post in it, I was very happy because I know a bunch of moms with ADD or ADHD - and you know what? ...
This post is sponsored by Responsibility.org as part of their #TalkEarly campaigns, encouraging families to talk early, talk often, and ...
I sometimes think I'm the only one who wonders about bizarro things like if the Blue Wiggle is hot in real life* or what the hell happen...