Today's Special Guest Writer is Emma, whom some of you may remember from our now-infamous T-Box Taste Test. Emma, thank you for making us feel better about our abilities in the domestic arts. You're awesome, funny, gorgeous and have the figure of a poll dancer! So conversely, you make us feel a little dejected about the size of our asses but whatever... That's another post.
xo, Lydia and Kate
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I suspect many are, like me, in a constant state of war with the Laundry Fairy and losing badly. If I was into sports or military history I could insert an example of how outmatched I am and how long the losing streak has lasted - but I'm not, so I won't. It is considered a win in my house if from one Saturday to the next the boys' soccer uniforms are run through the wash and bonus points (in the form of chocolate or wine) are awarded (to me, obviously not the boys) if the uniforms are actually in their dresser drawers. There have been more than one Saturday when they have had to dress out of the hamper. If you think about it, this is not soo bad - they will be outdoors (spring air as air freshener) and running around (adding to the diffusion effect) so the stink should not be too obvious - or at least that is what I tell myself and the kids.
xo, Lydia and Kate
_______________________________________________________
I suspect many are, like me, in a constant state of war with the Laundry Fairy and losing badly. If I was into sports or military history I could insert an example of how outmatched I am and how long the losing streak has lasted - but I'm not, so I won't. It is considered a win in my house if from one Saturday to the next the boys' soccer uniforms are run through the wash and bonus points (in the form of chocolate or wine) are awarded (to me, obviously not the boys) if the uniforms are actually in their dresser drawers. There have been more than one Saturday when they have had to dress out of the hamper. If you think about it, this is not soo bad - they will be outdoors (spring air as air freshener) and running around (adding to the diffusion effect) so the stink should not be too obvious - or at least that is what I tell myself and the kids. - "To prevent the cuffs on the bottom of trousers from getting crimped up, I hold them in place by putting two large paper clips on them. I put two in the front and two in the back. I stretch seams gently before placing the garments in the dryer, and this helps reduce puckering."
- "I shake items and untwist them before placing in the dryer. This not only reduces wrinkling, but it allows the items to dry a bit faster, and this saves energy."
- And Heloise's reply: "Good hints, indeed, ... and a few favorites from Heloise Central: Toss pajamas in the dryer for a minute or two, and they'll get toasty-warm. Mark items that need special attention with a safety pin, to know which should be dried at a lower temperature or not at all."
- Clean the lint filter. If the filter looks dirty — or once a year — scrub it with warm water and liquid dishwashing detergent. Then, unplug the dryer and vacuum around the base and inside the lint chute, duct, and vent opening.
- She needs more space than the Census form allows; [Editor's Note: I hear ya sister. - Kate]
- There has to be some really good stories behind these name changes;
- She has more than one person in her head; or,
- Possibly the Waco portion explains everything.
And yes my world is a bit stinky and crunchy and powered by chocolate and wine. Peace out!
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I don't get why you need a pre-threaded needle in your laundry room, either. Do you think that the thread is some sort of special anti-fairy device? It seems to me that a plain ol' needle would work just fine.
ReplyDeleteStupid Randy.
Poll dancer? Like one that dances on a voting booth? :) I'd prefer to look like a pole dancer. :) Love you ladies.
ReplyDeleteOh, thank god, thank god! I thought I was alone and everyone else used Heloise but me!! If the clothes make it to the dryer w/o that nasty, dusky smell and don't have to be washed again, I call it a win! Thanks, ladies!
ReplyDeleteHelouise clearly doesn't have kids at home... and if she ever did, she probably went Mommie Dearest on them. "No! Cold! Pajamas!"
ReplyDeleteActually, cleaning around/in the dryer vent is VERY important... about 15% of household fires start there when lint gets blocked up in the vent and its apparently very flammable.
ReplyDeleteBut WTF has time to 'toast' their jammies? I'm happy to get INTO my jammies before collapsing at the end of the day.
"I am happy if the crunchiness under the dining room table is vaccumed once a week and she is suggesting I vaccuum my dryer. Is she insane?"
ReplyDeleteJust made me spit my coffee (and brush off the crumbs from my feet). Love this--although I must disagree with you--I'm thinking that I should start reading Heloise every Sunday morning for the humor!!
I got lost in Heloise's tips at the words "cuffs" and "trousers." What are those? In my house it's jeans and you consider yourself lucky if they actually have hems that haven't been ripped out by being stepped on (or even better, that we actually bought all ripped up from the store because I'm not sure they come any other way these days). I think your alien theory has serious merit.
ReplyDeleteyou mean it is not a comedy column??? huh. ya learn something new everyday
ReplyDeleteok, ok...yeah, most of that is just unreasonable, but I'm kind of floored and pondering the shaking out stuff and unraveling huge wads of wet clothes before shoving in the dryer in the interest of faster dry times and lower energy bills.
ReplyDeletehmmm...
and believe me, I'm in the ultimate hamster wheel of laundry.
I cloth diaper.
Hail to the chocolate and wine. Mommyland rants make me feel normal, crunchies under the table and all!
ReplyDeleteOh, and I think the threaded needle is for loose or fallen-off buttons, but how do you know what color thread to use?
Haha, I can totally sympathize. I have gotten some good tips from Heloise but I tend to visualize her readers as older ladies whose children are long out of the house, and who spend their days puttering around their home cleaning, while wearing perfectly pressed outfits from Chico.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, at my house the laundry is washed and then thrown in a basket in the corner of my bedroom where I may get around to folding it once a month. When the pile is so big it becomes a hazard for the 3 y/o climbing it, I might consider folding it. There is no way I am using paper clips or anything else that requires more than the 5 seconds it takes to throw it in the basket.
ReplyDeleteThe pajamas int eh dryere thing reminded me of the Seinfeld where Kramer cooked his pants in the pizza oven of the calzone place and made George's office smell like calzone and Steinbrenner sat there looking for the calzones while George cowered under the desk where he had been napping.
ReplyDeleteI've forgotten my point but now I want a calzone. And a nap.
I am FAR from a laundry guru. In fact, when I had JUST graduated high school and was on my own, I bought new clothes instead of doing laundry. Yes, I hate it that much. BUT, now that I'm over that hump and money has much more meaning to me, preserving the clothes that I do have means everything! Considering I've sown the crotchal area of my favorite sweat pants over 6 times and even added a patch (I know, disturbing. But they ARE my favorite) I would guess the pretreaded needle is for buttons or quick spot sew before you throw something in the wash.
ReplyDeleteOne would think that Aunt Mary would be beyond laundry woes, being in that lovely stage of life where all the little ones are now capable of washing, drying and dealing with their own piles of laundry. Unfortunately, Chico's doesn't make clothes in Aunt Mary's size and she has better things to do with her time than worry about Uncle Richard's pants cuffs.
ReplyDeleteOne thought came to her, is it possible less is more? If she had fewer towels, for example would she be less overwhelmed washing and folding them, or do they just go into the system more often? Should she get ruthless and throw some old stuff out? (not Uncle Richard).
Ladies, turn your back on the piles, grab the kiddies and head for the park. Go play in the sand box and maybe throw a frisbee. The laundry fairy will survive being ignored and you will make wonderful memories.
Ahh...how I envy organized.
ReplyDeleteMy MIL swears by Heloise, even clips the hints and brings them over to my house, like I have time to read them, much less use them. Of course, this is a woman who writes the date on EVERY SINGLE ITEM when she gets home from the store. Not just food, which I can at least understand. This woman puts the date purchased on ziplock bags and napkins. That's right- my MIL is an alien.
ReplyDeleteMy mother-in-law suggested that I pin pairs of socks together before throwing them in the washer. Perhaps she is an alien? I will have her contact Heloise with that awesome hint.
ReplyDeleteThe only hint I have ever found useful is putting all of my daughters socks into one of those laundry bags so they don't get lost. (Where do they go? I put a pair in and only get one out..?) That has helped on the sock budget - that and she has now taken to wearing mismatched sock on purpose... As long as there are a few clean clothes to wear everyone in my house seems to be happy. Heloise can suck it!
ReplyDeleteKat -
Have you submitted any MIL stories to the blog? I'd bet you've got a few doozies.
I am the worst at laundry! Washing and drying the clothes, I can do... folding and putting away... not so much! But I've determined that as long as I keep them out of the rooms that people actually see, I'm ok with it.
ReplyDeleteAnd my 9 year old has taken to wearing mismatched socks on purpose as well, what is with that? Drives me batty to see, but saves me having to match her socks.
Again, I want to party with you gals. And please bring Emma.
ReplyDeleteLiterally, last week my husband looked at me straight-faced and said, "what's so hard about getting the laundry done." I've never had violent thoughts toward him until that moment. Furthermore, I have never heard of Eloise and now I know I'll run the other way if I ever hear of her again.
Thanks for the big LOL ladies. Y'all are the best!
thanks for making my laundry problems seem "normal"! Luv what you both have to say - thanks for the laughs!!
ReplyDeletePre-threaded needle in laundry room? Hmmm...What color thread do we use? White ?
ReplyDeleteWhat if we need black, or red or green ? Should we have hundreds of pre-threaded needles in various colors ? Geez... this gives me a headache ..