Monday, May 24, 2010
Top Ten Things Lydia Says When She's Tired and Shouldn't Be Talking
I also haven't told her that such as list was in existence. Until she saw it in our drafts. And then she denied saying pretty much any of those things. But these things are 100% true and 100% Lydia. Some are quotes and some are things she confessed to after a dip (or seven) into a T-Box. Either way, she's awesome when she's tired. Because no one - NO ONE - can come up with this stuff...I know. I tried...enjoy. And laugh super hard. Because it's all at her expense. GOD I LOVE HER!
9. "I'm such an ass...I'm such an ass... How is it possible that I am such an ass?"
8. "Hi Kate, it's me. I know it's midnight. I'm sorry for calling so late. I forgot how to spell the word "necessary" and the spellchecker won't work." [During the conversation, the other line rings. I click over. It's the C3PO version of Lydia who has just accidentally texted my house phone. AGAIN.] "Hi. Kate. Sorry. To. Bother. You. Solate. Forgot. How. ToSpell. Nes. Essary. I. Am. A. Jackhole. Lydia." Click back over and tell her it's impressive that she can call me and other-line call me. She hung up, so I could talk to her on the other line. You think I kid....
6. "Hey, sorry to bother you, I know you're at work. What does 'LTS' mean? [huge pause] Are you there? Seriously, stop laughing. I forgot. You're a bitch."
4. "I'm so tired. Like, can't walk tired. How do people who have kids do it every day? Wait. What did I just say?"
3. (when the IHPs and I were over for dinner) "I thought I made Awesome Sauce, but now I can't find it. And it's weird. Because I thought I also made some yogurt for MiniMiniMe and I can't find that either..."
2. "I would totally have a glass of wine with you but...HAWK! STOP HITTING YOUR SISTER! what? Do you want something to drink? Did I ask you that? I would totally have a glass of wine with you --THUMBELINA! DO YOU WANT A SNAKE IN YOUR ROOM? Hey, sorry, I suck. Do you want a drink?"
Cap'n: "Kate? She fell asleep...and she's talking about someone named Randy...ummm, who the f*** is Randy?"
Me: "He's the Laundry Fairy."
Cap'n: "Right. She dreams -- and talks -- about figments of her own imagination. Thanks Kate. You'll be paying the psychiatric bills."
Lydia: [while sleeping] "You SUCK IT. Stupid track suit [laughs] This is awesome."
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