Wednesday, May 19, 2010
What Did He Just Say?
If you ask him to turn out the light, he will raise one eyebrow and say: “Who needs tomorrow?”
(While listening to “Hard Candy Christmas” by Dolly Parton, the kids flipping out because they love Dolly so much... )
Cap’n: “I realize there are only a couple of narrow categories of people who like this song.”
Lydia: “And none of them are straight men?”
Cap’n: “You’re wrong. There are the truckers.”
Lydia: “Oh right. You also love that trucker song. From a million years ago... What’s that called again?”
Cap’n: “CONVOY! That song is awesome. We’re going to put that on the iPod, right? That song rules. But not the version with the muppets. No no no.” (shakes head in disgust)
“Who is that man? He lives on this street? No. He looks like a damn prospector, I think I would remember seeing him before now. He's obviously here looking for gold.”
“You can have the big slice of cake. In fact, you can have the Kimbo Slice.”
Last weekend while driving in the Big White Tampon, all three kids started flipping out, screaming, fighting and acting like a pack of rabid howler monkeys. The Cap’n looked at me, nodded once and said with swagger: “I got this." He then proceeded to put on the song, “Ruby Don’t Take Your Love to Town.” The kids were immediately happy and started going “Yay!” and cheerfully singing along as they seemed to know every word. I stare incredulously at my family.
Cap’n: “You see that turn-around? That’s what Kenny Rogers does to everyone who loves America.”
Lydia: "Who loves America??"
Cap'n: "Mister Kenny Rogers has a voice like the clarion call of freedom. His voice would be poison in the ears of Osama Bin Laden."
Lydia: (nodding in agreement) "Well, he does know when to hold them..."
“Thumbelina, please chew your strawberries with your mouth closed. You look like you’re eating a raw spleen.”
And sadly, it seems that our kids are just as weird as their parents. Yesterday Thumbelina got mad at her little brother for not sharing and so she called him a bigot. Like this: “Give me the green marker! Right now! You. Are. A. BIGOT.”
Sigh… These people are crazy. Isn’t it awesome?
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