This is it! The last of our Ex-Files!
My (ex)husband did not take any time off of work when the baby was born (despite the fact that he and his father run their own small construction business); but, there's bills to pay, right? Fast forward about two weeks. I have a brand new baby, and I'm getting adjusted to being a new mom. My ex decided that would be a good time to have his wisdom teeth taken out - voluntarily - and takes a Friday off of work to have it done. Of course, I had to drive him to and from the oral surgeon's... trying to help load a doped-up man much larger than myself into the car is tough enough, let alone with a new baby (oh and those still-sore muscles in sensitive places.) For the next two days, I had TWO helpless babies to care for. ...Oh, and did I mention that I still had my wisdom teeth? which had given me terrible trouble for years? Or that he never had any problems with his teeth to prompt him to have them pulled? Or the fact that in month #4 of pregnancy, half of one of MY teeth cracked and broke, or that the dentist wouldn't pull it at the time because I was pregnant? Unfortunately, after we paid for HIS teeth to be pulled, there just wasn't enough in our budget to have mine pulled. (And seven years later, I still haven't had it done.)
We divorced less than two years later. :) and the jackhole pays zero alimony and zero child support. What a sweetheart!
As to the Chinese food, may I suggest you place a REALLY BIG ORDER -- include the *special* off-the-menu offerings like fish heads and duck's feet and the particularly "aromatic" ones. Then let it sit in a cooler in the hottest part your driveway for about, oh let's say, 6 days. THEN take it over to his house, preferably on a day when his sunroof is open or the car windows unlocked. AND THEN remind him just how *fantastic* Chinese food can smell. As for his teeth, Kate gently suggests a hammer. Because she thinks justice should be poetic...and improve your ERA.
Dear Father of the Year,
Thank you for participating in our recent court ordered mediation session. I understand that you had to take time out of your busy schedule to arrange to discuss parenting issues with me.
I appreciate your acceptance of the fact that you have not made your children a priority over nearly the last year as you struggled with a rough time due to a "relationship" you were in. However, your plea to the mediator and me that everyone goes through a rough time and this happens and you deserve to be cut some slack fell on deaf ears. In case you didn't catch the whiskey.tango.foxtrot look the mediator shot you when you stated this, let me explain. We all go through rough times, however, we don't just abandon our children. That is the difference between you and the rest of the adult world. We take responsibility for our actions and make our children a priority all of the time, not just when it is easy.
Secondly, thank you for letting me know that my children are for sale and that for a price your parenting time can be bought. Your statement to the mediator that you would be willing to negotiate on parenting time if I am willing to negotiate on child support was a GREAT suggestion. I tell you what, you give up all your parenting time so that my children aren't warped by you and I will give up all financial support. WAIT, I gave that up three years ago as the little that you have been required to pay has never been paid on time or on the first request. I have been able to add Collection Agent to my list of qualifications on my resume, so thank you for that. Really, you are willing to give up time with your children, if I will reduce your child support amount?!?! Because if that's the case, sign me up, the less I have to deal with you, the better.
Lots of Love, Skinny Bitch
P.S. I'm still waiting on that current address so that I can send you a termination of parental rights and we can clear all this up very easily.
Kate never condones violence -- ok, yes she does, but not on the record -- so, allow us to suggest a way to not get your child support payments and yet not mind so much. As to not implicate anyone directly, we STRONGLY urge you to listen to this song and, you know, Carrie is such a good girl with a great voice. Don't you feel a need to pay a little visit to his truck?
When we divorced, he took random stuff and broke other stuff. The glass out of the coffee table, rendering it useless. He punched holes in the ice trays. Seriously, whuck? He put dog food in the cereal boxes. He put tacks in my bras. He even made the move out date our house only four days after our divorce was final, forcing me to scramble to find a place to live. I was able to laugh at all of that, but the real ass-kicker when was when he gave away my two beautiful dogs while I was gone to work. He refused to tell me to whom he gave them, and left me their collars on the dash of my car. I thought my heart had been broken before, but I cried for days about my sweet dogs who thought they were given away without a thought. At least it confirmed for me that I was rectifying a mistake, instead of making one by divorcing him.
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