Friday, June 18, 2010

Funniest F**king Thing I Heard All Day: Father's Day

My family is eating dinner.  Here's our conversation.

Lydia: "What should we get Daddy for Father's Day?"
Hawk (age 5): (serious as a heart attack and without missing a beat) "Adult diapers."
Thumbelina (age 7): "Yes!"
The Cap'n: "I don't even know how to respond to that."
Mini-mini-me (age 19 months): "Bipers!"
Lydia: "Anything else?"
Thumbelina: "I know something.  Daddy needs butterfly-shaped glasses."
Lydia and Cap'n silently make eye contact.  The child is Dame Edna.
Lydia: "Can you really see Daddy wearing those?  Like to work?"
Thumbelina: (nods enthusiastically) "Oh yes."
Lydia: "Anything else?"
The Cap'n: "I'm intrigued by that idea, son.  Tell me more."
Hawk: "Its like in Star Wars when the mind control goes humping through your whole body."
Lydia: "It goes humping? Through your whole body?"
Hawk: (sighs) "Yes."
The Cap'n: "And where would you get the mind control?"
Hawk: (raises eyebrows at Daddy's stupidity) "Toys R Us".
Thumbelina: "Hmmmm... What about a box?"
Hawk: "Yeah.  A box.  Good idea."
Lydia and the Cap'n look confused.
Hawk: "You can stick your thingees in it."
Lydia: "Oh dear."
Thumbelina: "And decorate it!"
Hawk: "Or put it on your head and be a robot."
Mini-mini-me: "Oooh! Oooh! Aaah!"
Hawk: "How about we get you a pet monkey!!"
The Cap'n: "No thank you. I already have three." (looks at Lydia) "Make that four."

Judging by this conversation, the Cap'n is going to have a very special Father's Day.

The. End.

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