Friday, June 18, 2010

Funniest F**king Thing I Heard All Day: Father's Day

My family is eating dinner.  Here's our conversation.

Lydia: "What should we get Daddy for Father's Day?"
Hawk (age 5): (serious as a heart attack and without missing a beat) "Adult diapers."
Thumbelina (age 7): "Yes!"
The Cap'n: "I don't even know how to respond to that."
Mini-mini-me (age 19 months): "Bipers!"
Lydia: "Anything else?"
Thumbelina: "I know something.  Daddy needs butterfly-shaped glasses."
Lydia and Cap'n silently make eye contact.  The child is Dame Edna.
Lydia: "Can you really see Daddy wearing those?  Like to work?"
Thumbelina: (nods enthusiastically) "Oh yes."
Lydia: "Anything else?"
The Cap'n: "I'm intrigued by that idea, son.  Tell me more."
Hawk: "Its like in Star Wars when the mind control goes humping through your whole body."
Lydia: "It goes humping? Through your whole body?"
Hawk: (sighs) "Yes."
The Cap'n: "And where would you get the mind control?"
Hawk: (raises eyebrows at Daddy's stupidity) "Toys R Us".
Thumbelina: "Hmmmm... What about a box?"
Hawk: "Yeah.  A box.  Good idea."
Lydia and the Cap'n look confused.
Hawk: "You can stick your thingees in it."
Lydia: "Oh dear."
Thumbelina: "And decorate it!"
Hawk: "Or put it on your head and be a robot."
Mini-mini-me: "Oooh! Oooh! Aaah!"
Hawk: "How about we get you a pet monkey!!"
The Cap'n: "No thank you. I already have three." (looks at Lydia) "Make that four."

Judging by this conversation, the Cap'n is going to have a very special Father's Day.

The. End.

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  1. I loved the box idea. It might sound dumb for one of us but apparently is truly a big deal of a toy! LOL..

    Mind control..LOL..

  2. "humping through your whole body." I am sure the Cap'n sort of warmed to that idea?

  3. I would REALLY like to know what that "humping through your whole body" remark was about. I've seen Star Wars a lot of times and have never come to that conclusion myself.

    Happy Father's Day, Cap'n!

  4. I would like to nominate this blog for Best Blog Ever In The Whole Entire Universe. And I've read a lot of them, so I would know.

  5. The jump from Star Wars Mind Control humping through the Cap'n's body to a box to put his thingy in is all too much! I love this. Right now I feel especially partial to Hawk. That guy has a sweet train of thought!

  6. Ok, too funny! I like the empty box idea LOL I wonder if they would be happy to just get a box?

  7. Laughing so hard I'm crying. OMG.

  8. Bwahahaha!! That's awesome!! He's a lucky, lucky guy!!

  9. My husband just came up from his cave to see why I was laughing so hard! Awesome!




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