He also says that I'm surprisingly smart for someone with a head the size of a softball. Technically, he didn't say that. He wrote it. On my performance evaluation. [Editor's Note: GOD! Now I love him even more! - Kate]
So let's discuss the whole concept of Pissy, Missy and Sissy. Because as annoying our menses can be, it is a part of the mommy landscape. In fact, it's been the Mt. Everest of my landscape for the past few days. So as much I may get all feminist and indignant when the Cap'n blames The Crimson Wave for my periodic weirdness, there is some validity to his assertions. Perhaps silently weeping during the Glee season finale is a little odd. But whatever. You bought this cow, Cap'n, so get over it.
If you're prone to Pissy - then you go from being a nice, normal, frazzled mommy to Karen Walker for a few days a month:
God, I love Karen Walker. And yes, I understand that she is a fictional character but I love her still.
Here's how you know if you're Pissy:
You would normally say: "I didn't really appreciate that comment."
Instead you say: "I used to think you were stupid but now I think you need to shut your fat whore mouth, Grandpa Jim."
You would normally say: "I really wish that driver would let me merge."
Instead you say: "If the ASS HAT in the BMW doesn't either speed up or let me over - Momma's gonna run his DOUCHEMOBILE off the road. That is NOT FUNNY, kids, stop laughing this INSTANT."
You would normally say: "Honey, I wish you'd call me if you know you're going to be late."
Instead you say: "I hope you don't think you're getting any dinner because I'm not even microwaving a damn plate for an inconsiderate jackhole who doesn't have enough respect for me to pick up the murthurfurking phone. And I am NOT overreacting. Much."
Instead you: Look at your dog and say: "You'll live. Go pee in the yard."
Instead you think: "I love each and every one of those little girls. Each one is growing into a (gulp) leader and a (sniffle) good person and they represent everything that is (muffled sob) right with America." Then you have to excuse yourself to go ugly cry in the hallway and all the parents silently say a prayer that Girl Scout leaders undergo some sort of mental health screening process. (They don't.)
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