Monday, June 21, 2010

Top Ten Questions You Should Never Ask A Mommy

I started thinking recently about some things that are annoying and stupid.  There are so many. And I am so often the perpetrator of the stupidity.  So I thought I'd do some public service.  These are the top ten questions you should never, ever say out loud - especially not to a mommy. 

Ready to find out what they are?  Here we go...

5. Are those pants a little tight?

Yes, perhaps they are. Because I have a huge fat ass. Because I had three kids in five years. And I have food issues. And I'm 37 which means that no matter what I do, I'm never going to look good in a bikini again. And every time I look in the mirror the reality of this smacks me in my fat face.

Kate is skinny and gorgeous and she says even she gets this kind of crap sometimes. That makes me feel slightly better. The really sad part of this question is that the person who asks it is often related to you. Or a good friend. Or someone who knows you really well. Because they think that they know you well enough that you won't get your wittle feelings hurt. Well that's stupid. Because no matter how big my ass has gotten, my feelings remain the same size.  But neither is as big as your mouth.

9. Is she adopted?  Where did you get her from?
Have you ever heard of Baby Depot?  It's right next to Burlington Coat Factory. Well, they actually sell babies at the Baby Depot.*  You didn't know that?  I picked her out cause she was cute, and I like cute things.  But I saved the receipt.  'Cause when she gets all big and pimply, I'm going to return her.  Unless she's a pretty teenager in which case I'm going to make her wear a plaid skirt and a Hello Kitty backpack.  'Cause that's cute, too.

COME ON.  What do people expect to hear?  Unless this question is immediately followed by: "We-have-been-trying-to-adopt-for-years-please-tell-me-everything...", it should never come out of your mouth.  We've dealt with the whole "She's not really yours" crap before and this is not much different.  So please, even if you're curious, mind your damn manners.

8. When did you stop working?
Apparently now that I stay home and take care of my kids, I don't work.  Thanks for pointing that out.  I actually work 24 hours a day and never get a break or a day off.  And you know what makes it even more awesome?  The fact that no one who does not do this same job seems to have any appreciation for the fact that what I do is actually WORK.  So I never stop.  It's exhausting and demoralizing.  It pays nothing, and most of the world treats me like I'm at home because I'm too simple to be anywhere else.  Thanks world.  You can SUCK IT.

7. Didn't you say you were trying to get pregnant?
Are you trying to be mean and cruel and make ladies cry?  Think about what you just said.  If someone told you they were trying to get pregnant, then they probably are.  If they don't look pregnant to you, its one of two things: they are not pregnant and they are probably pretty sensitive (and maybe even heartbroken) about that; or they are pregnant and they are choosing not to tell you right now because they've had a miscarriage (or two) in the past. 

Maybe in the past you asked someone this question and you didn't understand why their face fell and they started mumbling and then pretended to get an important call on their cell phone even though you never heard it ring and then didn't talk to you again for months.  Now you know.

6. Do they have the same daddy?

The worst part of this question is that implies it was asked in front of your children. That says a lot about the person who decided to open their idiotic fat mouth and start yapping. Why not just say what you're really thinking, snitch: "Those little bastards don't look nothing alike. And you look like you could attract some men folk. Did you lay with lots of men to make these babies? Well, DID YOU?"

It doesn't matter what the actual answer is. I would just say (slowly and with dignity): "We are a family and you are an unattractive Ass Hat."

5. Who takes care of your kids while you're working all day?
Do you know what this question really means?  It means: I'm judging you for not staying home with your kid(s).  I want you to know that I think your kids are cared for by someone else most of the time -who is not their mommy- because you selfishly choose to work. 

If you ask this question and that's not what you mean - then choose your words wisely.  Because that question is actually code for "I want to make you feel like schmidt and throw some gasoline on the smoldering fire of your maternal guilt."
4. Did you deliver him normally?
What does that mean?  What is normal?  I've had three kids and none of the occasions when they came out were normal.  Is it normal for you to expel 8 pounds of anything out of your body on a given day? Are you like: Oh yawn - I'm having a kid today - no big whoop.  So what are you really asking me?  Did I squeeze him out of my junk?  Or did I have a c-section like a naughty girl.  Are you kidding me?  Is a c-section abnormal?  What about an epidural?  Or a birthing center?  Or a home birth?  What's your normal?  And, by the way, why do you want to talk about my vagina so much? 

3. You're not letting her eat that junk food, are you?
Yes, I am.  Because I respect the power of the Happy Meal.  Sometimes you just need to call in the big guns.  Do you know what gets my kids through a doctor's appointment when they know they're about to get a million shots?  The prospect of four chicken nuggets, some fries, and a silly toy from Mr. Shrek himself. 

Are these meals disgusting?  Oh yes.  Is it an every day thing at our house? No, no, no. But guess what? Sometimes you just need to order a pizza.  Or chinese food.  Or get something from the drive-thru rather than schlep all the kids in and out of the grocery store and then back to the house to cook and clean and listen to whining and crying.  If you live in a world where it's all organic, home-cooking all the time - congratulations.  Good for you (and your daughter, Apple).  The rest of us live in a world where we do the best we can.  And sometimes that world includes a Happy Meal and a large sweet tea for Mommy.

2. Why isn't your baby walking yet?
Please feel free to substitute "walking yet" with potty training, speaking full sentences, suckin' on a binky, drinking from a bottle, reading books, riding a 2-wheeler, getting into college, and any other snitch-worthy "milestones" that may come up.   Here was my answer:

"My baby isn't walking yet because he's big for his age.  Really big.  So he looks like he's two but he's only six months old.  So that's why he's not walking yet - because he'sonly six months old.  Yes.  I'm sure of his age.  I'm not sure why its any of your business or why you seem to think its OK to stand there shaking your head as if something was wrong with my child.  Do you see me looking down my nose at you for being a fat-arsed, nosy old bag?  No, you do not.  Because I am awesome.  And so is my kid.  If you'd like an opportunity to compare your child unfavorably with mine - just go ahead and do it.  Because that's what this question is really all about.  Thank you for your concern."

1. Are you pregnant?  When are you due?
We all know that you should never assume someone is pregnant because maybe they're not and then you just called them fat.  Which is not a very nice think to do.  Basically, if you meet someone and you think they're pregnant - unless the baby is actually coming out - don't ask this question.  Trust me.  I learned the hard way.  I asked and I was wrong

I asked a waitress while out on a date with the Cap'n.  I kept saying: "I really think she's pregnant.  I can tell. I know these things."  And he was all like: "Don't say anything Lydia.  I'm begging you  - don't say anything."  He reminded me of my long history of similar blunders.  But then, at the end of the meal, of course I said something.  And as the words started coming out of my mouth, my husband claims the whole scene went into slow motion and he started making baseball signs for me to stop and saying: "NNNOOOOOO!!! PLLLEEEAAASSEEE SSSSTTTTOOOOOOOPPPP!"  But of course I'm an idiot, so I kept right on talking.  And she wasn't pregnant.  And she had to be nice about it because it was a fancy restaurant and we were at her table.  I wanted to cry.  The Cap'n was torn between wanting to laugh at me and feeling bad for the poor woman I had just insulted.

That waitress got the biggest tip of her young life.  And three and a half years later, the Cap'n still enjoys making fun of me.  And it's yet another restaurant I am scared to go back to

So I guess that story is an open acknowledgement that I am a total ass (but you probably already knew that).  I'm pretty sure anyone can stop thinking for a minute and ask something stupid.  But the point is - I learned my lesson.  Perhaps this list will help others from saying douchey things, humiliating themselves, and randomly hurting other people's feelings.  (I can attest, it's not a lot of fun if you have a conscience.)

See - trying to save people from douchiness - is that a public service or what?

xo, Lydia 

*I am totally kidding about Baby Depot.  You cannot get babies there, unless you bring them there yourself.   
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  1. I love it when people ask if I'm still working out. Do I look like I quit?

  2. I've been asked if I'm pregnant 3 times when I wasn't... One by a lady who cut my husband's hair, while mine got cut by someone else in the same salon. And THEN, when I came to pay, I signed the slip and handed it back to her... and the b***h asked me if I wanted to add a tip. I said "No!" and left, but what I should have done was said "Yeah, here's your effing tip, don't ask complete strangers if they're pregnant. If you have to ask, then don't." At least you could give the waitress a huge effing tip to apologize. All she did was give my husband a bad haircut!

    And yes, I do have a little bit of chunk to me, but I didn't look pregnant.

    I have an 11th thing to not ask... I just recently became pregnant (with my first, yes, even after reading your blog) and I have been asked at least 5 times if I know the date we conceived. WTH. Who's business is THAT?

  3. These are hilarious! And #1? I did the exact same thing once, many years ago, only I was the waitress and the woman was my customer! And yes, I was wrong. Needless to say, I did NOT get a good tip.

  4. Oh, and I almost peed my pants laughing at the "Apple" comment on #3. I was thinking the exact same thing, and then you said it. You read my mind!

  5. LOL I NEVER ask anyone if they are pregnant. EVER! I did make an exception the other day because the chick I buy my dog food from is a tiny little skinny thing and I've been going there for almost 2 years and when I went in the other day she had a VERY obvious little baby bump. I even told her I never ask if anyone is preg unless a child is coming out but in her case I thought it was safe! She laughed and said, yep due in Oct. I find it hysterical you used the same wording.

  6. LOL! I can SO relate to a few of these! I'm currently pg with my second baby and have gotten #6 several times already - from MY FAMILY. Whuck?!?! OK, so we're not married, but really folks, after we've been together for 8 years you shouldn't be asking that question! And #7... #7 should be posted on a billboard in Times Square.

  7. How about we write rules on what to ask a NON-Mom! Hey. Humanity. STOP ASKING ME WHEN I'M HAVING KIDS. Not only is this NONE of your business, but my answer never seems to please anyone.

    Grrrrrr. People are stupid.
    Love the list!

  8. So here's my question...When you meet someone who has young children and you are making conversation in the "get to know you" phase, what is the best way to ask about her occupation? Because that's just a normal part of conversation to me, finding out what someone does, whether its a job outside the home or inside the home. But these days it seems like a loaded question!

    I've asked "Do you stay home with them?" or even just "So, what do you do?" and gotten offended responses from both stay at home moms who are shocked I would think that they would leave their little one to work, and from working mothers who are very sensitive to judgments about leaving their babies. I mean no judgement! I care as much about whether you work outside the home or not as I do whether you majored in English or Accounting. I'm just making conversation, showing interest in your life, trying to find out about you so maybe we can be friends!

    Is there an acceptable way to ask about a mom's occupation that doesn't sound like I'm waiting to judge her?

  9. I totally asked someone if she was pregnant - and she wasn't. BUT she was wearing maternity jeans and her "baby" was 14 months old. I will NEVER ask anyone again!

  10. The flip side to the "Are you pregnant" question was when I broke my ankle at about 6 months pregnant. I went back to the orthopedic surgeon about a month later to check how the break was healing and the radiologist asked, "Is there any way you could be pregnant?" This fact was plastered all over my medical chart and I was very VERY obviously pregnant at the time. I just said, while pointing to my belly, "Ummm, YEAH! It's written in huge letters and higlighted on the front of that folder you are carrying." Idiot.

  11. I did the #1 to a woman that the last time I saw her she was pregnant, saw her about a year later and I said to her "you didn't have the baby yet" and she responded "yes I did 6 months ago" - OOOOPS insert foot in mouth

  12. Being that my Baby was 11 and a half pounds.... everyone thought I meant to write 8lb 11 oz... when I assure them that it was the other way around, I get the "Normal" question.... Of course I had a NORMAL C-SECTION! My only ABNORMAL C-SECTION was the fact that they actually thought my first child.... at 10lb 2oz was coming out any other way! Thank you for your concern for my Vagina

  13. I get asked #5 all the time. And I was a stay at home mom until the smallest one was almost 2. But apparently that wasn't good enough for some of the moms around these parts.

    As to #9. I am guilty of saying this, a lot. In my defense it is followed with "I was adopted too and I think its such an amazing gift." And then we discuss lot of stuff about adoption together. I think its ok then, right? I kind of think if someone is bothered when I have such a good reason to ask then they are the bitch. But, maybe I am wrong.

  14. awesome list! great laugh for the morning!

  15. The list gets even longer for the mothers of twins and higher-order multiples. From total strangers, inevitably in front of my children: "Are they natural?" (No, they're latex.) "Did you use fertility treatments?" (YES, thanks for reminding me about that incredibly painful time in my life. How's your menstrual cycle?)

    "Is one twin smarter?" (They're both smarter than you, asshat.)

    And my all-time favorite: "Which one of them is the evil twin?" (I don't know, but now they both hate you, so you better watch your back.)

  16. I love when people ask me where I work and after I tell them I'm home w/the boys full time, they stop asking me questions or trying to engage me in conversation. Because clearly if I do not work outside the home I have no opinions or anything interesting to say.

  17. You just proved in one blog post that you can't win - if you stay home with your kids people want to know why you don't work and if you work people want to know what you don't love your kids enough to stay home with them.

  18. I would have to say that question number 1A for me is (typically when someone walks into my house at the end of the day)

    "What did you do all day?"

    Can't you just feel the judgment and scorn dripping from a question like that? Because really he is thinking "You only HAVE two children and your house is an utter pigsty. I don't understand WHY you thought taking them to the park, then the grocery store, then for a walk before all three of you passed out was important!"

  19. We have four kids 4 and under. Without fail, everytime we take them out, somebody asks us, "Are they ALL yours?!?" No, retard, we borrowed that one because we masochists and we enjoy trying to juggle two preschoolers and two toddlers while out in public.

    Then there's the "are you having more?!?"
    And the "I hope you're done!"

    And my personal kids ALL look just like my husband..."Wow, are you sure you're their mom?!" Um, yeah. Wanna see the roadmap trashed belly I have to prove it?
    People just are dumb sometimes.

  20. Number five number five number five! I have four kids, and the first two are brown-haired, olive-skinned, brown-eyed little spits of their dad. Three and four are inexplicably the blond-haired, blue-eyed, whiter-than-disco little twins I never had. Two matching sets, coupled with the fact that apparently having four kids is the human equivalent of a litter in 2010, and I can't count how many times I've been asked "if they're all mine." No, I found the first two on the side of the road with a 1970's plaid couch and a free sign. YES THEY'RE ALL MINE, YOU FUCK-TARD. Hmm. Looks like I won't be signing my real name to this one...

  21. My oldest son has red hair, and people compliment him (sometimes) and comment (a lot!) "Where did you get that hair" is something we hear a LOT. Um, from his head, DOUCHE. Or "Wow, that hair is REALLY RED." Yeah, and what is that supposed to mean? I had one guy actually grab a handful of his hair in the store. WTF?? Get your grimy hands out of my kids' head! I kind of forgave him because he was old and foreign, and maybe he was touching it for good luck? I am firm believer that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!

  22. stark.raving.mad.mommy - LOL!!!

    As for #7 - I went to the dentist shortly after getting preggers with my 2nd child. I was only about 6 weeks along, but had to tell them since I was passing on the xrays and figured it should be in my chart. Several weeks later, I lost that pregnancy. Fast forward 6 months to my next dentist appt (and 6 months of infertility issues). The dentist sits down with my chart next to me and says to a clearly NOT 8 months preggo me (since I had been channeling my IF frustrations into working out like a bad-ass), "So are you excited to have the baby soon?" Um, ASS HAT. Thanks, Jackhole. I'd watch your fingers if I were you...these teeth are nice and sharp.

    Thanks once again ladies for a perfect top ten list! I do have to admit I've been guilty of #1, but in my defense I was in a lack of sleep induced fog due to my darling #2 never ever sleeping. I am actually friends with said person, and I feel horrible/embarassed about it to this DAY!

  23. Ohh here's the one I find most annoying!!
    I have 3 girls. when my youngest was maybe 3 months old people started asking me if I was going to have another and " try for a boy?". My answer I JUST had a 10 lb baby naturally and If we have another kid we want another girl. shuts them up pretty fast!!
    Ugg Like my family is missing something because my husband doesn't have a boy, he already told me he loves and is completly happy with all girls!

  24. Yep I have been asked everything on this list more then once. The funny thing is when your a stay at home mom they look at you like your lazy but if you work they look at you like you shouldn't of had kids if you don't stay home with them. Either way you get the BAD MOM wrap. I just tell em to screw off.
    No one will ever approve of how you raise your kids anymore then you do of how they raise theirs.

    Here is ?#11 I get alot that is ANOTHER "slap in the face moment" is "Are you going to have a baby with your (2nd)husband?" We have 4 between us do you really think in this economy we should try to have a baby together?! Yes I want another baby and have one together with my husband but we can't afford another one....Thanks for pointing out that realization that my days of having babies are over.

  25. #2 all.the.way. yes, my son is 3.5 and refuses to give up his crib. leave me alone asshat! why on why do mothers compare it is so demoralizing and stupid.

  26. C3--are we related?

    Also, my fourth is a boy, so I'm constantly hearing, "Oh, you finally got your boy!" or (I swear this isn't made up) "Is that one a boy? Oh, THANK GOD!" Dude, seriously? My daughters do speak English (even the brown ones). I have this crazy plan to teach them that girls are at LEAST as good as boys and that we love them at LEAST as much as their brother. We were NOT holding out for a boy. Thing 4 was actually a result of my idiotic belief that I was smart enough to figure out when I wasn't ovulating (or WAS, as the case may be). Unfortunately, that explanation would give the boy a complex instead, so my response of choice is to smile my "you're an idiot" smile and pretend I'm in much too much of a hurry to stop and chat about my thoughts on gender equality. Grrrr.

  27. I see dumb peopleJune 21, 2010 at 12:02 PM

    My husband is half Korean, (I have dark hair), and our boys are walking recessive genes. One has reddish blonde hair and green eyes, and the other is blonde with blue eyes. My older son has dark hair and eyes, so my husband always gets "he looks just like you", and then they look at our kids like "what's that Korean doing with those white kids???" like he's breaking Adoption Rule #1: WE adopt THEM.
    And imo, it's WAY worse when a man asks #1 than a woman. The creep factor.

  28. LOL at the "don't you want a boy?" I hear the other side of that as a mom of 2 boys - don't you want a girl?? I just smile, and say, "No, we are done."

    And Jenni, I'm with you on the cricket-chirp one gets when saying we stay home... though, honestly, I used to get it when I did work. Retail jobs obviously rank down there with motherhood. *eye roll*

  29. This is hilarious! My favorites are number 1 and 6.

    -Jessica a.k.a Nya's mom

  30. My personal hated comment at the moment, "Are ALL three of those boys yours?"-and usually with a shudder and an are you crazy look from them which is always followed by, "Are you going to try for a girl?" It must happen 2 to 3 times a day on weekends...and I try not to go out too much with all of them-its a lot of work.

  31. I have twins and a singleton. One question I get a lot is - was it harder to give birth to two babies than one?

  32. Shoot. Really hoping they were selling babies at Baby Depot. Because that's the only way my child is getting a sibling. I always tell him, "When babies are on sale at Target..." but so far that hasn't happened.
    Thank you for all of these. You are providing a public service. Except that the folks who most need to read them probably won't. Fortunately, "Suck it!" works as a response for all of them:)

  33. I have one to add to #9. My youngest child is adopted from Guatemala (I am a pasty-white-red-headed-Irish girl) and I once had someone ask: "How much did you pay for him".......ummmmm last time I checked humans were not for sale (and no they were not adopting as they were about 140 years old).

  34. LOVE this list!!!
    Tracey, that's a great question. I'd love to see an answer to it! Personally, I think discussing working vs. staying at home is potentially right up there with discussing politics and religion. The only thing I can think of is to wait until the topic comes up and see what the other mom says first.

  35. Great list! I learned my "don't ask a woman if she's pregnant unless you see a baby coming out of her" when I ran into a former high school teacher (one of my favorites) at the grocery store, many years ago. Not only was she not pregnant, but desperately wanted a child. I felt like schmidt, of course, but I have learned...

  36. My kids are all adopted, and I get ever so tired of "don't you have any real children?" or "don't you have any kids of your own?"

    And because we're white, and our two youngest are black, you wouldn't BELIEVE the crap people have said to us. However, the funniest was when the youngest was in the hospital, and the doc walked in, looked at the baby, looked at Hubby and me, looked back at the baby, and asked, "How'd that happen?"
    Hubby's response was, "I'm still trying to get Wife to explain it!"

  37. Totally agree with Holly - the SAHM versus working moms conversation can totally lead to WWIII. Touchy subject no matter how you bring it up!
    My kids are bi-racial and they each have varying skin tones. My daughter (my oldest) was very pale when she was born. I brought her into work to meet some coworkers for lunch while I was on mat leave and some tool in the elevator asked if she was mine. No ass-clown, I'm just the nanny! Grrr!!

    Love this list. Just adore it!!!

  38. Too funny! I have asked someone if they were pregnant once and was wrong, she had just had her baby and it was only a week old, that made me feel even worse because she was probably all hormonal and stuff. I will never ask that again I felt so bad!

  39. Having been both a stay-at-home mom and a working-outside-the-home mom, I can vouch that both have pros and cons and, no matter what your status, you are working your big butt off!

    The best question I ever heard inquiring about my "working" status came from an older, unmarried, childless man, who asked me: "Do you have another job outside of your full-time job at home?" I could have kissed him, but he was someone else's date.

  40. Absolutely love this post! Thank you for the laugh!

  41. I think the most succinct version of the do-be-do question is: "Do you work outside the home as well?", or the mom-to-mom "Do you get time off critter-herding to be paid?"

  42. I get #4 and #5 all the time. Both my boys weighed almost 10 lbs at birth, and now one is 5yo @60 lbs, the other is 3mos old @ 16 lbs. So the question is usually "Did you deliver them NATURALLY?" And I can almost see the asker cringing as s/he pictures my poor, stretched out, saggy lady parts. Makes me want to whip out the c-section scar to give'em something else to cringe at! Don't even get me started on the "Who watches your kids while you work?" question...the implication being that I either (a) sit them in the driveway with a bag of snacks waiting for me to come home, or (b) don't care, as long as I'm out being all pinstripe-suity and whatnot. Grr. People are so stupid. Thanks for making us laugh about it!

  43. Some people just should not be allowed to share the air supply on this planet. Think of all of the environmental benefits to not allowing stupid people to share our air!!

  44. I know I'm late on this one.....I was trying to get discharged from the hospital from birth number one (cesarean after many failed hours of labor and pitocin) and still looked many months pregnant. I was standing in the hall at the nurse's desk asking what the truck was going on at 4 pm I would love to go home and this white trash hooker came up to me (I have no idea if this was her true profession, but she was a total bee-otch) and looked me up and down, then asks with a click of her tongue "Are you still pregnant or did you already have your baby?" If I hadn't been so foggy and lacking in pain pills I would totally have squared up.......

  45. I had an older (70 plus) woman ask if I was pregnant. I said "no, I'm just fat." and she had the gonads to tell me not to be rude! I told her I could stand there all day and argure about who was more rude, but I would rather just walk around basking in my smokin' hot fat rightness.

  46. On Mother's day of 2008, I had recently found out I was pregnant and decided to tell my family...well it turns out my cousin had just had a miscarriage and nobody had told me so I asked her how her pregnancy was going. I never felt so bad in my life...

    On a positive note, she found out she was pregnant again shortly after our little mishap and gave birth to a healthy baby boy in February 2009.

  47. I know I'm late to the party and all but.... an equally horrible thing as to assume someone is pregnant? Telling someone she's NOT. I had to quit my horse job and get a crappy retail job at 5 months pregnant. Didn't tell the retailers I was preggo until the 7th month but since I am carrying small and, lucky ducky me, I put on 60lbs even though I spent most of my time vomiting no one believes that I'm pregnant. They just think I'm fat and pimply and take waaay too many pee breaks. Now I'm 8 months along and I MAY have gotten the point across but one of the old lady bosses said to me "Are you sure you're at 8 months? Or are you at 5 or something and just trying to get attention?" I looked at her and smiled and tried to laugh it off and said "Hope not because then I'd be pregnant the WHOLE year." But I died just a little inside.

  48. Thank you so much for pointing out that it is really rude to ask, "Didn't you say that you were trying to get pregnant?" I had a miscarriage almost a year ago. I am extremely sensitive when it comes to the topic, and, when my body does finally decide to do what it's supposed to do, I do not plan on telling anyone until it is blatantly obvious.

  49. I totally understand #5, one my friends gives me shit all the time because I chose to work instead of staying home with my daughter, I am sorry but I have to work I have bills to pay! (Not to mention I have to maintain my sanity somehow) Even if I could stay home with my daughter I don't think I would, I like adult interaction!

  50. stay-at-home v working: I love my children. heart & soul. But, you know what, though ...? They are not the center of my universe. Neither is my husband. I don't have their pictures as my account on facebook. I plan to go back to work, after finishing my thesis in grad school. And I plan to enjoy it. If I became a full-time-stay-at-home-mom, I would completely and totally go insane. Mommy-guilt? Yup. hearing my child call the day-care person mom? OMG, my heart died. But the full-time SAHM? I can't do it. Know what? It's okay.

    I'm 45. The next 30-yr. old SAHM-IS-GOD who questions my love for my children will come face-to-face with a mature woman who doesn't give a flying f* what you think of her & isn't afraid to say so. in public. loudly. in front of your children.

    The question is "what will benefit my children the most within what I am capable of giving them?" Sure, an annual visit to Germany to visit grandma & grandpa would be great. If I win the lottery. And get a job with vacation. A sane Mom who is capable of demonstrating a healthy relationship with a sane Dad is on my Mommy Must Do list. 4 hr/day with sane loving mom beats the hell out of other options.

    I really like the suggestion "Do you work outside of the home as well?"

  51. I'm 26 weeks pregnant. My husband's grandmother told me in a thank you card that i "shouldn't still be working". This wonderful medium of communication has left me unable to reply that my obs says i can work until 34 weeks, or to explain that things are different now, to when she was pregnant 55 years ago.

    The fact that Nanna honestly thinks she knows what i should be doing when she hasn't spoken to a pregnant woman in over 20 years, and dropped her son on his head as a baby is unbelievable.

  52. have a preggers story for you. went to the emergency room at 8 months pregnant for an allergic reaction. had to list my usual medications. told the er nurse there are some i hadn't taken for months due to pregnancy. she looked at my ROTUND stomach(i am less than 5ft)and said "oh, are you pregnant now?" to top it off, when i was placed in a room and received my armbands (id, allergies, and such) i looked and noticed they had my name and age right, but listed that i was a MAN! great powers of observation!

  53. I was about 3 months pregnant with #1 and at the grocery store. There was a worker giving out cake samples and I kinda ran over because it looked so good. I was showing prematurely, but the ugly chunk showing, not baby bump, and I was rubbing my belly... because I was hungry, hadn't gotten into the habit of it yet. Anywho, the woman said I was way too young to be pregnant. I was 18 and married to the man I'd been dating 5 years. So, to be a jerk back I said I wasn't even pregnant and called her a bitch. It hurt my hormones. Looking back.... I kinda feel bad, but who says that???

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