This is Joran F**kface Van Der Sloot.
This is the nasty, disgusting, evil, scum-sucking douche-bag that killed Natalee Holloway in Aruba in 2005. I'm prone to The Fear when it comes to my own kids. And I was living in Alabama, not far from her hometown, when she went missing. And over the years, I kept thinking about the pretty girl who disappeared and her mother's loss...
I've also thought about her killer. That ridiculous name. The cocky, smug, sociopathic asshat of a Dutch ballsack on TV - watching him shrug and grin and get his picture taken. Secure in the knowledge that he got away with it so everyone can just go suck it. In no small part because he is from a privileged family, who were more than willing to overlook the fact that he is a cold-blooded killer of young girls.
That makes me hate him more. Like potent, turn to the Dark Side, Mommy as Sith Lord hate. I want to take a sock full of quarters and swing it at his damn face as hard as I can. And then do it again. "Feel the anger, Lydia," says a vaguely English, creepy voice.
On May 30th, he killed another young woman named Stephany Flores. But this time,
While nothing about this situation makes me happy or is in the least bit funny, I did derive some small measure of satisfaction from this picture:
Because the cops in this picture (especially the one on the far left) seem to like Joran about as much as I do. Tighten those cuffs boys! And let's take the Kevlar out of that vest!
Mr. Van der Sloot (or, as you are now known, the defendant), you are without a doubt the most despicable, disgusting Dutchman since Goldmember. And he was fictional. Which makes you one-of-a-kind-evil. Enjoy prison, scrotum-head. For a really, really long time. And every time something bad is happening to you there, like a bad case of dysentery or a sharpened spoon to the ribs, take a moment and thank GOD that you're not getting the justice you actually deserve. That comes later. And it lasts forever. Which is exactly how long those young women's mothers will mourn their daughters who were destroyed by a subhuman lower primate like you. . . . you spoiled, evil, mysognist, jug-eared, Dwight-Shrute's-inbred-cousin-looking dickwad.
You should also be grateful the Peruvian authorities didn't extradite you to Alabama for some mommy-style justice where "breaking balls" has nothing to do with baseball. After about five minutes with the Gitmoms, you'd be begging to go to Gitmo. They are bound by the Geneva Convention. We answer only to Mommy Law. Sigh... Sadly, nothing -
not even beating you with medical waste til you're unrecognizable and then feeding you to alligators - will bring back Natalee and Stephany. And that's the saddest thing about my hatred and anger. It is wasted on a brutally stupid bag of diarrhea like you.
Now I feel a little better. But not much. I just hope you get meanest mother-wuckin' warden in the Southern Hemisphere.
Subscribe in a reader
(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010