Wednesday, June 9, 2010

A Truly Angry Rant

Today this picture is all over the news and the internet:

This is Joran F**kface Van Der Sloot.
This is the nasty, disgusting, evil, scum-sucking douche-bag that killed Natalee Holloway in Aruba in 2005.  I'm prone to The Fear when it comes to my own kids.  And I was living in Alabama, not far from her hometown, when she went missing.  And over the years, I kept thinking about the pretty girl who disappeared and her mother's loss...

I've also thought about her killer. That ridiculous name. The cocky, smug, sociopathic asshat of a Dutch ballsack on TV - watching him shrug and grin and get his picture taken. Secure in the knowledge that he got away with it so everyone can just go suck it.  In no small part because he is from a privileged family, who were more than willing to overlook the fact that he is a cold-blooded killer of young girls.

That makes me hate him more.  Like potent, turn to the Dark Side, Mommy as Sith Lord hate.  I want to take a sock full of quarters and swing it at his damn face as hard as I can.  And then do it again.  "Feel the anger, Lydia," says a vaguely English, creepy voice.  

On May 30th, he killed another young woman named Stephany Flores.  But this time, his daddy couldn't save his candy ass he got caught.  So now he's in jail in Peru. And since he confessed, here's hoping his stay in a South American prison is a looong one (followed by a prompt extradition for a second looong sentence).  I guess he figured that since his dad was dead and couldn't "fix" this problem for him -- and scoring new chicks unaware of his past was getting harder (thanks a lot internet) -- he may as well just 'fess up and do the time.
 
While nothing about this situation makes me happy or is in the least bit funny, I did derive some small measure of satisfaction from this picture:

Because the cops in this picture (especially the one on the far left) seem to like Joran about as much as I do.  Tighten those cuffs boys!  And let's take the Kevlar out of that vest!

Mr. Van der Sloot (or, as you are now known, the defendant), you are without a doubt the most despicable, disgusting Dutchman since Goldmember.  And he was fictional.  Which makes you one-of-a-kind-evil.  Enjoy prison, scrotum-head.  For a really, really long time.  And every time something bad is happening to you there, like a bad case of dysentery or a sharpened spoon to the ribs, take a moment and thank GOD that you're not getting the justice you actually deserve.  That comes later.  And it lasts forever.  Which is exactly how long those young women's mothers will mourn their daughters who were destroyed by a subhuman lower primate like you. . . . you spoiled, evil, mysognist, jug-eared, Dwight-Shrute's-inbred-cousin-looking dickwad.     

You should also be grateful the Peruvian authorities didn't extradite you to Alabama for some mommy-style justice where "breaking balls" has nothing to do with baseball.  After about five minutes with the Gitmoms, you'd be begging to go to Gitmo.  They are bound by the Geneva Convention.  We answer only to Mommy Law.  Sigh...  Sadly, nothing - not even beating you with medical waste til you're unrecognizable and then feeding you to alligators - will bring back Natalee and Stephany.  And that's the saddest thing about my hatred and anger.   It is wasted on a brutally stupid bag of diarrhea like you. 

Now I feel a little better.  But not much.  I just hope you get meanest mother-wuckin' warden in the Southern Hemisphere.

Asshat.    

xo, Lydia

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28 comments:

  1. Do you know that there are actually some people out there who think he was framed? You must be kidding me.

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  2. How many between Natalee and Stephany...he has killed more than these two?

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  3. well said...it just makes me angry that the maximum sentence for murder in Peru is 35 years...I am hoping that the inmates at the facility he is being held at are fans of Ms Flores father and take matters into their own hands!

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  4. Sadly, Peru has neither the death penalty, nor life imprisonment....

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  5. Yeah. What she said.

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  6. And I cannot begin to understand how a person can kill, then try to get $250,000 from the family to tell them where the body is. Seriously? I just want 10 minutes with him alone...

    But sadly, none of this will bring back those lovely girls. I just want the Holloways to have closure. It must feel like he!! each time they hear his name and are forced to look at that waste of flesh. Asshat indeed.

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  7. I just want him to admit that he killed Natalee Halloway. Her poor mother, who has been completely slandered in the media for going after him & demanding to know WHY the government in Aruba didn't do more (anything?) about him being a suspect deserves to know the truth. All that woman needs to hear is the truth.
    What a dick. I mean really. REALLY.
    His admission that he killed her because she googled him on his computer, "I didn't want to do it..." F_ck you, dickhead. Are you kidding me?
    What the hell is wrong with this guy?

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  8. It's about time! He cannot hide behind daddy any longer! Framed my a**! We ALL knew HE did it! It's never been a question in my mind!
    Amen. I hoe justice will be served!

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  9. I think he did it on purpose...trying on a little "f-u" I got away with it once.

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  10. How sad... and being a mom just makes you even more sensitive about this. I wish he could suffer at least a little less than the mothers and fathers of his victims.

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  11. what is wrong with this guy is that he is a sociopathic freak! and he is now whining to mommy that his confession was coerced.

    BULL STUFF!

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  12. I know, can you believe this guy? What. the. hell.

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  13. I love that you are the kind of girl who can channell my anger and still make me laugh. Seriously. Asshat? Awesome expression.

    PS-South American prison=likely death anyway. So hooray for that.

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  14. Don't you just wanna rip those Dumbo ears right off his smarmy little weasel face? Maybe that would erase his annoying smirk. I take solace in the fact that Peruvian prisons are much, much less pleasant than American prisons. And the guards there have the ability to make 35 years seem like 135 years. I'm totally rootin' for the guards.

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  15. Here Here Miss Lydia!!! Lets just hope some Bull in that Peruvian Prison finds himself I nice little bitch!!! and then kill the sob after he has been humiliated 1000 times!

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  16. Times like this I seriously wish Jack Bauer was real to take care of this S.O.B. He is the devil incarnate. I hope you die a slow, painful, agonizing death, asshat, and then rot in hell FOREVER!!!!!!!!

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  17. Have you ever seen "Locked Up Abroad"? Peruvian prison is exactly what that douchweed deserves.

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  18. He should be eaten by rabid monkeys. Seriously, how many OTHER girls did he kill/try to kill? Don't think the first time he was caught was his first try.

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  19. This subject = not funny at all.
    The fact that you rip him a new asshat, or hole, (your pick) and then sign it "xo, Lydia" = more awesomeness than I can fully comprehend.
    Once again, I freaking love you guys.

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  20. I sincerely hope that Hell for him is 100 mothers of daughters...

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  21. It really did seem he was thumbing his nose at justice/asking to be caught. The hotel room was IN HIS NAME! Did he think they wouldn't notice, or did he not care? I am glad to hear the prison sentence will be verrrrry unpleasant.

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  22. I don't even have words. I want to claw his eyes out with my bare hands.

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  23. I so feel you here! I had the same thoughts but more violent. My most fervent hope now is that he tells them where he put Natalie so her mother can have some closure. Even if he put her in the ocean I would think it would be better for her to know.

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  24. *claps* Amen. I'm from Alabama and was a senior in high school when all that happened. It was a scary sad thing! I hope he gets what he deserves!

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  25. The Peruvian jail he will be in (if he makes it and isn't killed off first) is a hellhole - where he should belong quite nicely!

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  26. A toast to you Lydia (raising my glass to you) and a prayer for the young women's parents and family. Natalee and Stephany~ neither of you will never be forgotten! May justice FINALLY be served.

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