Sunday, June 13, 2010

The Truth About the Ex Files

We just want to say a little something about the experience of putting together the Ex Files...

You may have noticed that our funny little commentaries were getting increasingly...ummm. What's the word we're looking for? Violent.  That's because we were starting to get angry.  You see, some of these stories were really, really hard for us to read.  And Kate and I cried more than once. As a matter of fact, I've been a sniveling wreck for the past two days.  The Cap'n kept glancing at the calendar and then looking confused.  And although the whole purpose of this blog is to always find the funny, sometimes that wasn't easy.  Except for the guy who stole all the spoons and the parts of the lamps.  We want to party with him.* 

For those mommies who shared these stories with us - thank you.  We gave you our feedback and as usual, it was completely useless.  But there are other women out there who have been dealing with similar experiences, who may now feel a little less alone.  And while bashing your ex for the sake of getting your B on isn't a cool thing to do, almost all of you who wrote to us had very serious things to get off your chests.  And a little venting every once in a while never hurt anyone. 

Here is a truth that both Kate and I have experienced first hand that was reinforced through reading all these stories: Good people (mommies and daddies) find themselves in horrible situations when their partners fail to live up to the promises they made. And these parents are forced to make awful situations work for the sake of their children. No matter how much pain they are in, they get up every day and do what they must to take care of their families.

We know there are days when it feels like there is no one out there who understands or appreciates what you're doing. Like no one sees how hard you're working and how at the end of the day - you always come last.   That if someone could just really see you for who you are -just for a moment- that it might make it easier to do it all again tomorrow.

Well, we see you.  And you're a hero.  Like Buffy, only with a slightly bigger ass.

Some of us are lucky enough to have a partner who gets it. Maybe not all the time, but who tries. Who loves with their whole heart. Even if you're not married to that person anymore or if they make a mess of things sometimes (yes, Lydia, we mean you) take a moment to appreciate your situation and their efforts.

Most of us are doing the best we can.  And that's what we want to celebrate.  So hurrah! MommyLand is the most egalitarian place in the world.  No matter where we come from, what we look like, how much help or money we have - we all get to clean up puke at 3am.  We all cook meals for people who then refuse to eat them.  And we make tons of mistakes and then we get up the next day and try to do better.  So to everyone who is barely holding it together - WE SALUTE YOU. 

We thought at first it might be a bad idea to do the Ex Files so close to Father's Day.  But it turns out we have a whole new appreciation for fathers.  For the G.A.M. (grown ass men) who have earned that title.  And who doesn't love a grown ass man?

Especially one who brings you coffee.

*Oh, and to the dude with the spoons. When we say we want to party with you, we mean this:

xo, Lydia & Kate

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  1. I sure hope I'm the only one that ever has the garage experience. It's been a long time and I can laugh at it now. Most of the reason I can laugh is because I have a wonderful man that I couldn't have met if Mr. Kroger hadn't done what he did. For those that haven't seen the silver lining yet, hang in there. It'll come.

    1. My mom laughed at that one because my dad did the same thing for a few years before she caught him, usually at work though not the garage haha you're not alone

  2. Thank you, ladies. We do all need to vent, but we also need to look at the good stuff. And you guys are GOOD STUFF! I am so totally blessed to have a GAM who is currently, among other things, training to be an Assistant Scout Leader to spend MORE time with the oldest IHP. Please, Dear God, let him not turn on me. I'll do everything I can to make sure he knows how much he is loved, appreciated, and needed.

  3. That was a beautiful post, ladies! It is nice to know that we mommies are not alone because you definitely get it and shed light on what it is like to be a mom in 2010. Kudos and hugs!

  4. I wish I could have written in, but being only five days on the other side of having a restraining order made permanent against my ex, I thought that it wasn't a very good idea...

  5. Just FYI- not a fan of this series. Hope to not see it repeated.

  6. I sent in a story and that was the first time I told the full story to anyone other than my wonderful amazing GAM husband. As bad as mine was, there were worse...and I have nothing but admiration for people who went through that with kids in the mix. I loved this series...RFM isn't bitter or mean...the righteous indignation and sense of wronged justice with a dash of humor thrown in was just enough to take some of the sting out of my memories. I hope it did that for others too.

  7. Dear L & K,
    Your entry today brought tears to my eyes - in a good way! Thank you!

  8. What a wonderful lesson to learn. I whole-heartedly agree. "To those of you who are barely holding it together ... we salute you." I can't help but think I am in that category! Thanks for all you do, Kate and Lydia! *mwah!*




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