Monday, July 19, 2010

Funniest F**king Thing I Heard All Day: Spicy Pickles

The Cap'n is an avid gardener and our family looks forward to the summer when the tomatoes, cucumbers, zucchini, eggplant and peppers start rolling in.  I have been obsessed with pickled jalapenos for the past few months.

Now that we have so many fresh ones to use, I thought maybe I would try and pickle my own spicy peppers.  The Cap'n was thrilled that I would even consider such an endeavor.

Two days later.

Lydia: Cap'n! Come here! Let's try the jalapeno pickles!
Cap'n: (looks suspiciously at bright green circles floating in eye-wateringly sour and spicy vinegar) Ummm... You first, honey.
Lydia: Okey dokey!  Here goes! (pops one in my mouth) HOLY CRAP!  These are hot! And sour! And terrible! (starts sticking tongue out repeatedly like a dog panting or a frog trying to catch a fly) Water! Please!
Cap'n: Are you OK?
Lydia: I think I made it wrong. (gulping water)  Maybe I should use less vinegar.  Or water it down or something.
Cap'n: Yes of course.  The gentle cleansing power of vinegar and water would be ideal for that.
Lydia: (prolonged silence)  Are you suggesting that I douche my jalapenos?
Cap'n: Good heavens no.  And I certainly wouldn't suggest douching with it, either.
The. End.

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  1. Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you. I needed that. A LOT! (The laugh, not a jalapeno douche)

  2. You first?!?! C'mon Cap'n Man Up

  3. I don't recommend any sort of foreplay after eating spicy crawfish either...went to a crafish festival with my ex and we got home we were getting a little hot and heavy when I realized I was getting a little more 'hotly bothered' than he was....didnt get all the cayenne pepperand other assorted seasonings out from under his nails...needless to say he went to bed alone and i went for a long soak in the tub...

  4. haha owww!i was just going to write the same as above: no hand jobs after making tamales!

    i like the salt brine kind of pickles:

    <3 <3

  5. used herbal foot cream once as a special extra...might feel a bit like the jalapeno douche...long soak ensued!

  6. I was just asked if I was ok by my DH, apparently it's unnerving to see me laugh so damn hard that I start crying. I love you guys, Rants from Mommyland has made my day so many times. Y'all are the best.

  7. In the dark, grabbed antibacterial soap instead of lubricant...OW.

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