Monday, July 19, 2010

Funniest F**king Thing I Heard All Day: Spicy Pickles

The Cap'n is an avid gardener and our family looks forward to the summer when the tomatoes, cucumbers, zucchini, eggplant and peppers start rolling in.  I have been obsessed with pickled jalapenos for the past few months.

Now that we have so many fresh ones to use, I thought maybe I would try and pickle my own spicy peppers.  The Cap'n was thrilled that I would even consider such an endeavor.

Two days later.

Lydia: Cap'n! Come here! Let's try the jalapeno pickles!
Cap'n: (looks suspiciously at bright green circles floating in eye-wateringly sour and spicy vinegar) Ummm... You first, honey.
Lydia: Okey dokey!  Here goes! (pops one in my mouth) HOLY CRAP!  These are hot! And sour! And terrible! (starts sticking tongue out repeatedly like a dog panting or a frog trying to catch a fly) Water! Please!
Cap'n: Are you OK?
Lydia: I think I made it wrong. (gulping water)  Maybe I should use less vinegar.  Or water it down or something.
Cap'n: Yes of course.  The gentle cleansing power of vinegar and water would be ideal for that.
Lydia: (prolonged silence)  Are you suggesting that I douche my jalapenos?
Cap'n: Good heavens no.  And I certainly wouldn't suggest douching with it, either.
The. End.

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