Friday, July 2, 2010

More Overheard At the Pool

You'd think they'd learn. Kate shows up, newspaper and Sharpie in hand...and they still say just the best things ever.

God I love the pool.


Mom: "John! Stop yelling! Unless you're drowning, there's no reason for all that noise. Cut it out!"
John: "So only yell if I'm drowning underwater?"
Mom: "Ummm, yeah. And, splash a lot."

Kid: "Dad! Throw me in the pool!"

[Dad picks up kid and football hurls him ten feet into the water]
Kid: [while airborne] "TOO HARD!"

[kid bigtime bellyflops off the diving board]
Lifeguard: "You OK?"
Kid: "Umm, yeah. I think so."
Lifeguard: "You wanna go to the First Aid stand?"
Kid. "No, I think I'm just gonna go puke."

Woman: "God, I need to go get waxed. This is a disaster."
Friend: "Really? Doesn't that hurt? And you're all, you know..." [flashes legs open then quickly closes them]
Woman: "It's a waxing, Tess, not a pap smear."

[at the front desk]
Lifeguard: "Hi. What's the last name?"
Dad: "Duggar." *
[kid types into computer]
Lifeguard: "And first names?"
Dad: "Abby, Michael, Jane, Eli, Jonah, Kerry, Tom, St--"
Mom: "Tom's at Lisa's, David." [to lifeguard] "Not Tom. John, Charlotte, Caroline, Steven, and -- and -- who'd we miss?"
Kid #80 or something: "Me!"
Mom: "And Whitney. Oh, and, six. Six, right? [counts random children] Yeah, six friends. Do you need their names too?"
Lifeguard: "Ummm, no. There's, like, not enough room on the form."

Kate, to friend: "I like your suit. My fave of all your suits."
Friend: "Yeah?"
Kate:"Yeah! It makes you look like you have boobs."
Friend: [sarcastically] "Thank you, Kate."

Mom: "Hey! I said no running!"

Kid: "But I gotta go pee."
Mom: "Walk quickly."
Kid: "Mom, I'm not gonna make it."
Lifeguard: "Run, kid."

Mom 1: "Oh, sh*t. I think I -- please tell me you have the -- you know."
Mom 2: "No. You grabbed it, I thought. I have the cranberry juice and limes. Oh, please don't say you--"
[frantic rifling through bags]
Mom 1: "I think it's on the counter with the green bag."
Kid: "Mom, I left my goggles at home in the green bag."
Mom 2: "How long are we here for?"
Mom 1: "Til six-thirty."
[they stare at each other]

Ron Burgundy shows up. Six girls scream McGee's name and point at Ron. The whole pool stops to watch. McGee flees in one direction. Ron flees in the other. Subtle.

Kid: "Mom! Mom! Make big waves for us! Please??"

Mom: "OK, baby, but I'm not sure how to do that."
Kid: "You just get in."

Kid: "Dad, can you give me a ride?"
Dad: "Sure, pal. Hop on."
[kid grabs onto dad's back]
Kid: [yelling] HEY! Who wants to ride my dad!?"

Dad: "OK! Let's pack up." [pause] "Guys? Kids? Hey! Pack up - let's get going!" [pause] "HEY! How 'bout packing up already?" [longer pause] "OK I'm going. Let's get moving." [sits down] "OK, one more hour." [kids smile at each other]

Dugger Dad: "Where's Charlotte?"
Duggar Mom: "Ping pong table, with Caroline."
Dugger Dad: "And the twins?"
Duggar Mom: *sighs* "Diving board."
Dugger Dad: "Oh, yeah, there they are." [looks around] "Wait. Where's Tom?"
Duggar Mom: "Jesus, David, he's not even here."
Dugger Dad: "There's so many..."
Duggar Mom: [gets up and walks away]

Kid, on diving board: "I LOVE THE POOL!" [splats] "Owwww. I don't love the pool."

[whistle blows]
Lifeguard: "BREAK!"
Mom [in pool with three kids hanging on her]: "Oh thank God. It's over."

*some names have been changed, possibly.

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  1. O.M.G. I'm so glad I check this blog before I go to bed each night!!! And I'm so glad I'm on the West Coast, so I'm actually UP when you post these! My husband's in the other room going, "what?! What?! What's so funny?! Oh. Are you reading that blog again?" PLEASE go to the pool EVERY day. And bring your newspaper and sharpie!!! Cranberry juice and limes... LOL!!! We just bring the MJB. ;-) (OMG, I just typed that for the first time ever, and realized Mommy Juice Boxes has the same initials as my dad!) Cheers Ladies! And Happy Summer!

  2. Yeah thats just too much effort to be mixing drinks all on the sly at the pool. You know one step ahead has these plastic juice box holders so the kids don't squeeze them and get juice all over the place. You could totally make your MJB's incognito with no effort Then laugh at the Mom's who arn't smart enough to think of it themselves! :)

  3. That is hilarious! And nice comment Kate about your friend's swimsuit. Lol. I love you guys!


    BAHAHAHAHAHA That's awesome.

  5. What a hilarious post! I am following you on Twitter and will be back soon to read more. I have a similar post I am working on after attending my son's Parent's Day at camp. I got great material from the crazy mothers.

  6. LOL! You guys are hilarious. I need to get a pass to our community pool.

  7. I was hoping that when the kid yelled Who wants to ride my dad you had overheard a private remark from a nearby woman. Oh well.
    And the Duggars*, I just love that Dad can't remember that Tom isn't even there, damn it! Men.

  8. o I must know... are McGee and Ron Burgundy still a hot item? Or is this tween dramatic break up stuff LOL I almost peed my pants reading this

  9. Ha Ha. That is so funny. The things we over hear.

  10. Last time I went to a community pool, we (the we including triplet 2 year olds) were escorted out by the police.

    I bet all the funny stuff happened after that.

    Damn it.

  11. @Sindy - please tell me what you all did to be escorted out by the police! You ARE the funny stuff! ;)

  12. Lord help Mama Duggar! ;) Too funny.

    I was a lifeguard back in the olden times.

  13. I just forwarded this to post on FB and the security phrase was "solitude come". Do they KNOW who I am???

  14. Overheard:
    Group of later-middle-aged women, looking at photos of their previous visit to the beach.

    Lady 1: "Oh NO! My ass looks HUGE in this picture! Do you SEE it? I look like a friggin' WHALE!"
    Lady 2: "Um, Lisa, that's ME."

    Pregnant pause, then gales of laughter.

  15. OMG! I just flipped to this post AGAIN to read it AGAIN, and noticed that the "Ads by Google" on the side of the page was featuring a Homeschool curriculum by the DUGGARS!!! LMAO!!!

  16. We need an "Overheard at the Pool 2011" edition...PLEASE!!!




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