But I digress...
Our friend in Hong Kong suggested we do a post consisting of the ridiculous and random texts we all receive. His example was; "I'm in a meeting at work, my phone goes off, I look down to read the following text message: Do you remember the last time Jacob did a poo? I mean how random is that? I had to laugh."
Oh yes, my friend. I know just what you mean.
From Lydia to the Cap'n:
How old is this pastrami? The first half of my sandwich tasted good...
From the Cap'n to Lydia:I know you've only been gone an hour but the big kids are acting suspiciously evil. Please come home.
To Lucy (my teenage sister) from Lydia:
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.From Lydia to Kate:
Why don't they call this show So You Think You Can Cry? Everybody is crying. All the time. Except for that one guy. WHERE ARE MY TEARS, B*TCH?
From Lydia to the Cap'n:
Please do not walk into this house unless you are bringing a bottle of wine with you.
From Kate to Lydia:
Was that you? Waving a large, gold Croc out your window while driving down Main Street?
To Lydia from Lucy:
Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
From Lydia to Kate:
If I have to quit whining, I will lose my will to live.
From the Cap'n to Lydia:
I love you too but Target was out of eggs.
From Kate to Lydia:
Are you coming over here? The queso dip is in danger. Almost as great as the danger *to my ass* if I eat all of it before you get here. Hurry.
To Lucy from Lydia:
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper. There was a problem; it wouldn't take sh*t from anyone.To Lydia from Kate:
Why aren't you here? The Pastor showed up at the kid event. He was riding his bike and was in full spandex. I didn't want to do it. I just couldn't stop myself. I saw his package. Now I have to switch churches.
To the Cap'n from Lydia:
Can you stop at the store on your way home? We need diaper cream and scotch.
To Lydia from Kate:
The man's name is Randy Cox. That's not a joke. And NO. I don't need to actually meet him to be a jackhole because his name is RANDY COX.
From Kate to McLovin:
I think I killed the air conditioner. Which button do you press?
From the Cap'n to Lydia:
The man's name is Randy Cox. That's not a joke. And NO. I don't need to actually meet him to be a jackhole because his name is RANDY COX.
From Kate to McLovin:
I think I killed the air conditioner. Which button do you press?
From the Cap'n to Lydia:
If your mom calls do I have to pick up the phone?
From McLovin to Kate:
Why are you texting me? Pick up the phone woman, you're not 17.
From McLovin to Kate:
and PLEASE don't touch the AC. Christ, you'll kill it.
To Ellen from Lydia:
Can I walk down to your house and borrow a box of pasta and Season 1 of Little House on the Prairie?From Kate to Lydia:
Thank you for that image seared in my brain. Now I have to gouge out my eyes. Switching churches won't fix this.
To Lucy from Lydia:
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
To Kate from Lydia:
I just spilled coffee on the boobage of my brand new shirt. I have had the dang thing on for eleven minutes. Stop laughing.
To Lydia from Kate:
I just left church & you weren't there this AM. That is NO BUENO. Because of you, I kept thinking about a certain package & trying not to giggle *or* throw up in my mouth. People thought I had forgotten my medication. Gracias.
I would LOVE to know if others out there are the senders or receivers of this kind of ridiculousness. Leave a comment here, on Facebook or via email: lydia.and.kate@rantsfrommommyland.com and we'll update this list all day.
xo, Lydia (and Kate...)
Share
Subscribe in a reader(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010
