Wednesday, August 18, 2010

And, Even More Words "We" Just Made Up (Because You Emailed Them To Us)

And yet, as if learning vocabulary words didn't suck in school...we give you even more. But they're way more awesome than things like onomatopoeia. Sorta...

Anticipointment (noun) see also anticipoint or anticipointed; hybrid of anticipation and disappointment; feeling moms have on days that are important to them, i.e. their birthday or Mother’s Day, when everything goes to Schmidt and we wind up drinking even earlier than usual; grand moments of anticipointment usually occur when presented with lemon raisin oatmeal for your breakfast in bed at 5:22am, and later find that your kitchen looks like Chernobyl.

Ashmole (descriptive noun) cousin to jackhole and aerosol; used to describe sect of people who display the following qualities: failure to yield, cutting over one lane in the last minute; snide comments behind you at the grocery store because they only have one item and you have a full cart; derivations include ashmolean (adjective) i.e. “So, I’m in Target, getting new T-Boxes. So what if Thumbelina was carrying one – or three – of them. There is no reason for the guy to be ashmolean about it.” And, as if that’s not good enough, there’s an Ashmolean Museum in the UK. We imagine it to be full of photos, paintings, etchings and cave drawings of him and him and him and him. And full of women doing this. However, Kate and Lydia now feel that when our husbands do something *fantastic* and we say, “Dear, they should put you in a museum…” we won’t be lying. We found the perfect place…

Clandes-wine (noun) variations: clandes-tini, clandes-garita; liquid placed into travel coffee mug, big gulp cup, or even sippy cup to prepare for prolonged and slightly painful events; examples include: 3rd grade violin concert (tonight), 3 hour bus trip each way with fifth graders, 3rd showing of same 2 hour dance recital in one day, anytime you have to watch a t-ball game

Eyegasm: (noun) condition that arises upon, when rubbing tired eyes, one continues the activity simply because it feels good; may be accompanied by random sounds; usually results in slight flushing around the ocular area but a satisfied smile; distant, distant relative to other –gasms, but really, who has time for that anymore?

Faux Queue: (noun) the line at the supermarket or neighborhood Target that you think is the fastest but which, as soon as you join it, immediately becomes the slowest checkout line in the history of ever. As with many other MDR words, it also (just barely) conforms to the anti-cursing parameter. Which makes it even more awesome when Lydia says it to Kate while at Target.

Fuggernaut: (noun) hybrid of juggernaut f**k-up; occurs when taking multiple kids to a Chuck E. Cheese on a Saturday. Without a back-up adult. Or booze.

Hand-On-Ball (exclamation) coined by Happy; word yelled immediately preceding jumping into pool; also used when launching oneself onto the sofa or other plushy surface that dads are currently occupying while resting their eyelids; coincidentally, also useful advice for said Dad to protect the assets, though studies have shown that they usually don’t make it in time; most often followed by Ice-on-Ball(s)

Milking The Bag: (descriptive verb) the act of – as you near the end of a T-Box -- removing the inner line out of its T-Boxity shell and proceed to squeeze or “milk” it to get out every last drop of Targetty deliciousness. Particularly effective when watching a True Blood marathon. We’re just sayin’.

Moctorate (noun) hybrid of mom and doctorate. A degree where you correctly diagnose your child's condition before the weekend Doc-in-a-Box, but you still have to sit in the waiting & exam rooms to get the prescription for antibiotics. Super.

Volmomi (noun) hybrid of Volturi and Mommy; condition when Mommy, rather that resorting to MoonBat Spitting Cherries, opts for the slow glide toward her children, complete with calm voice and reassuring tone that she can, in fact, hurt them with her thoughts. Usually precedes, “You will go to your room this moment or you will regret it.” Effectiveness rate are extremely high, according to preliminary research on the IHPs. Plus, you get to buy a groovy cape. And any MommyLand word that comes with a required purchase makes it *awesome* in our book.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010

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