Wednesday, August 18, 2010

And, Even More Words "We" Just Made Up (Because You Emailed Them To Us)

And yet, as if learning vocabulary words didn't suck in school...we give you even more. But they're way more awesome than things like onomatopoeia. Sorta...


Anticipointment (noun) see also anticipoint or anticipointed; hybrid of anticipation and disappointment; feeling moms have on days that are important to them, i.e. their birthday or Mother’s Day, when everything goes to Schmidt and we wind up drinking even earlier than usual; grand moments of anticipointment usually occur when presented with lemon raisin oatmeal for your breakfast in bed at 5:22am, and later find that your kitchen looks like Chernobyl.

Ashmole (descriptive noun) cousin to jackhole and aerosol; used to describe sect of people who display the following qualities: failure to yield, cutting over one lane in the last minute; snide comments behind you at the grocery store because they only have one item and you have a full cart; derivations include ashmolean (adjective) i.e. “So, I’m in Target, getting new T-Boxes. So what if Thumbelina was carrying one – or three – of them. There is no reason for the guy to be ashmolean about it.” And, as if that’s not good enough, there’s an Ashmolean Museum in the UK. We imagine it to be full of photos, paintings, etchings and cave drawings of him and him and him and him. And full of women doing this. However, Kate and Lydia now feel that when our husbands do something *fantastic* and we say, “Dear, they should put you in a museum…” we won’t be lying. We found the perfect place…



Clandes-wine (noun) variations: clandes-tini, clandes-garita; liquid placed into travel coffee mug, big gulp cup, or even sippy cup to prepare for prolonged and slightly painful events; examples include: 3rd grade violin concert (tonight), 3 hour bus trip each way with fifth graders, 3rd showing of same 2 hour dance recital in one day, anytime you have to watch a t-ball game

Eyegasm: (noun) condition that arises upon, when rubbing tired eyes, one continues the activity simply because it feels good; may be accompanied by random sounds; usually results in slight flushing around the ocular area but a satisfied smile; distant, distant relative to other –gasms, but really, who has time for that anymore?

Faux Queue: (noun) the line at the supermarket or neighborhood Target that you think is the fastest but which, as soon as you join it, immediately becomes the slowest checkout line in the history of ever. As with many other MDR words, it also (just barely) conforms to the anti-cursing parameter. Which makes it even more awesome when Lydia says it to Kate while at Target.

Fuggernaut: (noun) hybrid of juggernaut f**k-up; occurs when taking multiple kids to a Chuck E. Cheese on a Saturday. Without a back-up adult. Or booze.

Hand-On-Ball (exclamation) coined by Happy; word yelled immediately preceding jumping into pool; also used when launching oneself onto the sofa or other plushy surface that dads are currently occupying while resting their eyelids; coincidentally, also useful advice for said Dad to protect the assets, though studies have shown that they usually don’t make it in time; most often followed by Ice-on-Ball(s)

Milking The Bag: (descriptive verb) the act of – as you near the end of a T-Box -- removing the inner line out of its T-Boxity shell and proceed to squeeze or “milk” it to get out every last drop of Targetty deliciousness. Particularly effective when watching a True Blood marathon. We’re just sayin’.

Moctorate (noun) hybrid of mom and doctorate. A degree where you correctly diagnose your child's condition before the weekend Doc-in-a-Box, but you still have to sit in the waiting & exam rooms to get the prescription for antibiotics. Super.

Volmomi (noun) hybrid of Volturi and Mommy; condition when Mommy, rather that resorting to MoonBat Spitting Cherries, opts for the slow glide toward her children, complete with calm voice and reassuring tone that she can, in fact, hurt them with her thoughts. Usually precedes, “You will go to your room this moment or you will regret it.” Effectiveness rate are extremely high, according to preliminary research on the IHPs. Plus, you get to buy a groovy cape. And any MommyLand word that comes with a required purchase makes it *awesome* in our book.


(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010

22 comments:

  1. My girls and I use the word "foodgasm" That food which tastes so good you have to drop out of the conversation for a second and have a private moment.
    One of our local cafes makes a version of Bananas Foster which includes caramalized sugar, a tortilla, and ice cream. It is a total foodgasm.

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  2. my favourite made up word will forever be "ignoranus" for when someone is both an idiot AND and asshole.

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  3. I love these, just need to add them to my spell checker so I can easily add them in cyberspace! As for ashmole, I have to add "driving balls", much like "beer balls", it is where one becomes invincible and unusually bold around everyone else because he (or she) is in the safety of their half ton pick up (or sports car), making it possible to sqeeze the minivan off the road and then give its driver the stink eye like they paid for that lane themselves. But truthfully, if this occured outside of driving, like in the stand still, drive through bank line on a Friday at 5:00, and a mommyland chic was behind the minivan, if ashmole tried this move on her, the offending driver would easily be reduced to sucking their thumb and wetting their leather seats.

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  4. Oh My gosh, my "foodgasam" is Carrot cake cheese cake! How is it even possible to squeeze that much sinfully goodness into one slice??? and seasoned mom's should totally get priscription writing privilages! Why should I waste 2 hours waiting for a DR when I already know his wheezing sounds like asthma and they are going to give my xopenex, just like they did with his sisters!

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  5. I love these. I pretty consistently call people Jackalopes when I'm in the car... but that's not really a made up word so much as a made up usage of a word made up to describe a made up animal. Whatever. I like my use best.

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  6. "Pollybash" is our word for apologize...just to make it all funny after it might not have been. Pinkink is our word for picnic, and mo-mo cuck is a firetruck. Two came from our son, one might have come from me when I was demanding a pollybash from my soon to be husband. Works every time, though!

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  7. Fun stuff.
    Lots more made up words for parents are here:
    www.TheKidDIctionary.com

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  8. I think this my favorite batch of MDR words yet...

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  9. Sorry, the Faux Queue is my fault. It is something that I cause simply by getting in a line. Apparently, I inspire people to write checks or not have enough cash (because I'm also a pickpocket). My bad. I'm a jackhole.

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  10. My favorite foodgasm item is the cheesecake from PF Changs. First time I had it, I was there with my husbands, our minions, his brother and sister-in-law. I may have actually moaned out loud and don't believe I said any actual words while I ate that wonderful yumminess...

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  11. I love eyegasm!!! I never knew others loved that too!!!

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  12. Maybe if I get my Volmomi on next time I call the pediatrician's office, they'll respect my Moctorate and just give me a prescription for antibiotics over the phone instead of making be drag two sick, screaming children into their office!

    Love it, thanks! :)

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  13. Thank you mcarver for making me want cheesecake! There is a corner shop in my town that makes carrot cake cheese cake and now I must go there. If they don't have today I will settle for creme brulee cheese cake .....mmmmm....total mouthgasm!

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  14. Oh these are fantastic, and I will incorporate them into my vocabulary (and my spell check--great comment, seriously!) as soon as is appropriate. On a sweet note, my favorite word that my stepdaughter (now nearly 11, God help us) made up when she was a cutie 3 year old, was the word "showmer". As in: "Erica, let's play circus and you be the showmer." In most instances it means the Emcee/host/presenter. I just wanted to share that cuteness with you all. We'll see what my twins come up with after they get finished speaking baby-jibberish-language and graduate to full on almost-english!

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  15. I always get in the faux queue... Now I have a name for it.

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  16. "Fudgemucker" is a term used by me and my girlfriends, in place of the 'big one', although my 12-year old son once told me "I know what you really want to say! You're not fooling me."

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    Replies
    1. Lol. Too funny. I say this daily. Thought I was the only one.

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  17. My now 6 yo when she was about 2 or so started calling farts "butt bubbles". My 22 month old has shortened it to just "butt". So she farts, turns around and her voice gets really low and she's says "me butt".

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  18. Eyegasm....do I need to go to confession (whatever)? I have eyegasms all the time. Glad to know it is normal.

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  19. Momnesia. The inability of a mom to be able to remember anything currently important, such as her children's names, what time school starts, what happened last Wed. Etc.

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  20. Thank goodness I have a tissue box sitting next to the computer to wipe my eyes of all the tears of laughter. LOVE!!!

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