Monday, August 9, 2010

Dear Kate and Lydia: Opposites Attract

Dear Kate & Lydia,

I really want to find my own Kate. I'm a total Lydia. From the clogs to the stains on my shirts and sweat pants. I may look a mess, but I'm a great person. And, to be honest, while I would have thought that I would never want some narcissistic, Jimmy Choo-wearing beyotch to be anywhere near me, much less be my BFF, you gals have changed my mind. Even though I sometimes think either Kate is imaginary, or that Lydia is a candidate for sainthood.

So, how did you do it? Seriously. I need this kind of friendship.

She's made up, isn't she? Crap.

Lydia Too

Dear Lydia Too,

First, Lydia wants to thank you. For two reasons.  Folks have been asking us how we met and became friends and this is a good way to talk about it.  And also because every once in a while, Kate needs to be dropped a few pegs and Lydia loves it when she gets a reason to point in Kate's face and say BOOYAH for ten minutes and does the pointy dance (points her fingers and shakes her moneymaker).

The second thing we need to point out is that, shocking as it may be, Kate. is. real. [Editor's Note: Sometimes too real. Like when she calls me 87 times in one day. -Lydia]

To be totally honest, sometimes we wonder how we became such good friends. As we've written, we weren't close until we started writing this blog. (Actually this letter will make a lot more sense if you go back and read that link.)

Lydia says it's like we got pregnant on the first date and now we have this baby we're trying to raise together. Which is like the creepiest analogy ever, especially when she says it to other people. Like the minister. That was a comfortable conversation. (Editor's Note: I'm awkward. - Lydia)

We think that finding a Lydia is easier than finding a Kate. First of all, just going by what we see when dropping off and picking up the kiddos, there are a lot more moms in yoga pants and clogs then there are in Jimmy Choos and Dior skirts.  And let's be honest, Kates are not always easily approachable.  They come off kind of bitchy. All wrapped up in that snobby paper with the superiority bow on top. And Lydias are super easy, like human Golden Retrievers. Friendly, always willing to chat with strangers (usually because they need extra volunteers for Girl Scouts). 

And Kates are not always nice the first time you to talk to them.  Wanting to find a Kate is like wanting to get a Brazilian wax. Worth it in the end, but are you sure you want to go through all that? [Editor's Note: You just compared me to getting your hoohah stripped. That's nice. -Kate] [Yes, and you compared me to a DOG.  But they are both apt comparisons and that's why we're awesome. - Lydia]

Here's what we've learned:

The Lydias of the world make it OK for the Kates to be a little messy or break down when they're having a crappy mom day or know that if you show up at their house unshowered and possibly with their teeth not brushed, it's still OK and they'll make you an awesome omelet with sauteed mushrooms and fresh tomatoes.  The Lydias are their anchors, bringing them back down to mom-reality and reminding them that no one really likes Perfect Mommy anyway, so just be yourself. 

And the Kates of the world help the Lydias to find the person who will stripe their hair or actually get it cut more than once a year, to bring Starbucks Selfy Steam when they're feeling PMS'y because they just know, who buys a mommy-proof coffee cup that makes it almost impossible to spill any on your boobs and will drop everything when you need her because she thinks you're amazing.  Kates are their helium balloons, lifting the Lydias up from their diaper-clogged mom-reality to remind them that there's more to life than carpool.

We bet you've already sorta picked out your Kate. She's probably at your kid's school, or maybe at church or soccer. Wanna know a secret? She's not all those super snitchy things you think she is. She's just...Kate-ish. One of these days, someone is going to say or do something supawk and funny, and you both will either laugh, or try not to laugh, or Maude face, and you'll totally catch each other doing it. And then, it's like hearing "DreamWeaver" and watching everything happen in slow motion.

Then you say, "I haven't had enough coffee for all this..." and suddenly you're at Starbucks giggling about Dina Lohan.

Or, if that doesn't work, hit her with your car. Then you can bring her enchiladas. Because nothing strengthens the bonds of friendship like ooey, gooey cheesy goodness.

Except maybe a Brazilian wax.

xoxo K&L

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  1. I have two best friends.... from two different stages of life. My life-long, sister-from-another-mother, Kimberly... BFF since 3rd grade..... no matter how much time passes between phone calls and visits we pick up just where we left off. My other is Tiffany (yes, we have the same name). We met working in the same office building 16 years ago.... she is the reason I met my husband... so I blame her for ALL OF THIS. I can call and tell her anything, and she knows I'm not saying it to be a snitch. I can tell her all about the "wonderful" events that Thing 1 and Thing 2 have been up to and she just sighs right along with me (she has her own LTS's and can completely understand).

    Having one's own Kate or Lydia is a wonderful thing.... and completely necessary when navigating this wonderment we call "Motherhood". I'm still trying to figure out if I'm "Kate" or "Lydia".....

  2. I have a Kate! Her name's...Kate. Her husband has been accusing her of secretly writing this blog, but she swears it's not her. I say OF COURSE it isn't her! Your Kate wears Jimmy Choos, mine swears by Naughty Monkeys. *Totally* different.

  3. I am a Lydia. I have a Kate. And I have some Lydias too. It's a fabulous thing and all very true. Actually I have two Kates. I've tried, at times, to be a Kate but then I remember how much better I feel about elastic waisted pants and give up.

  4. I'm a Kate. And I think what people don't realize is that the Kates are a little bit intimidated by the Lydias also. They kind of migrate towards each other into a big swirling cloud of mommyness outside of preschool, and assume that you do not want to talk to them. Glad to see that someone broke the ranks and made friends!

  5. I'm a Kate when I leave my house, but behind closed doors, it's all Lydia, all the time.

    And I'd take either as a friend. When you don't really have any friends you're not too picky about what may come along…

  6. I'm definitely a Lydia, thought I might have a Kate a few times but they always seem to get a little too Narcissistic and decide they hate me. My sister in law is the main one :( I also feel like I have quite few friends. Sometimes I think that if I was a Kate people would like me more but its too much work whether or not its would be true.

  7. I'm definitely a Lydia when I'm sleep deprived and a Kate when I'm not. And I have a best friend that is my opposite no matter what I am at the moment. And I'm also a dude, so I'd like to change the names to something more masculine like Linus and Kong.

    Single Dad Laughing

  8. I'm definitely a Lydia ALL the time, except when the hubby takes me out or church.

    @Janeabelle, Right there with ya on the friends thing.

  9. I just have to say that I love Dan's post, and I think that he is very brave to inject his thoughts amongst all the estrogen here. Good luck with your Linus and Kong, Dan, and good luck with your kids--I bet they're lucky to have a cool Dad like you! :-)

  10. My sister and I are Kate and Lydia, or at least we're each our own combination of the two of you. Her 3 kids are 16, 13, and 11, my two are 7 and 5. She's married to an Okie and lives in Oklahoma, I'm married to a Yankee and live in Michigan. She works long and hard at her job, I've been a SAHM for the last 8 years. Dressing up for her is covering all her tattoos, for me it's the 5" heels instead of the 3"ones. Last week for dinner I served pasta with pancetta and leeks in a wine cream sauce, for supper she served sliced-up-wieners-with-canned-chili-on-a-piece-of-bread-with-mustard-onions-and-shredded-cheese. But we're absolutely best friends and have seen each other through every situation imaginable, and even some not-so-imaginable, and the only bad part in the whole thing is that we only get to see each other about once a year.

    Kates and Lydias make the most awesome friends!

  11. I'm a Lydia. My best friend is a Lydia crossed with Wonder Woman. Never underestimate the power of a team of Lydias. ;)

  12. I think I am a hybrid of a Kate and a Lydia...and many of my friends are too. We love our fancy, but we love our yoga pants and clogs as well...

  13. I think I'm the only person who read this and is dying to know more about the mommy proof coffee cup. Who does that make me?

    Best Wayne's World scene.

    Kate is one in a million, trust me.
    She's real. (Thank god!)

  15. This made me cry. I met my Kate when I was 8 years old, and she was 5. She has turned into this fancy, perfectly dressed young woman, but I didn't realize she was my Kate until about 2 years ago. When we both got pregnant with our babies. And guess what????? I GET TO KEEP HER! Because my brother's engaged to her, and was with her BEFORE she gave birth!

    (She made a mistake and got pregnant by the ...uh... wrong man. He nearly killed her when he found out)




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