Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Funniest F***ing Thing I Heard All Day: Mmmm, Pie

This post comes with a warning.  A very serious warning.  This post is disgusting and in bad taste and sexual in nature.  Crude, rude and nasty.  So maybe click away now and come back later for good, clean, wholesome fun.

Kate loves the pool. She totally didn't have to eavesdrop on this one. Lisa was sitting right next to her. Her husband showed up with Children #4 and #5. They're 14 months apart, and the little one is just 7 months old.

Lisa's Husband: [watching the kids play] I think it's time for number six.
Lisa: [spits out drink, even though she wasn't drinking anything] Are you out of your mind?
Lisa's Husband: One more, Sweets.
Lisa: [gives him the I AM DONE and we already talked about this look] Dan, no. There are already five of them.
Lisa's Husband: One more.
Lisa: [starts bargaining] New house.
Lisa's Husband: Done.
Lisa: Full time nanny.
Lisa's Husband: You got it.
Lisa: I'd have to have that bigger SUV.
Lisa's Husband: Fine. So, it's a deal?
Lisa: [sighs] [shakes head] Dan...
Lisa's Husband: We have a deal, Sweets.
Lisa: Dan, do you like having sex with me?
Lisa's Husband: Yep.
Lisa: Do you like feeling it when you have sex with me?
Lisa's Husband: Uhhh, yeah.
Lisa: Because one more kid, and you'll wreck me. You might as well f**k a pie.

He ever so slightly grimaced and walked away. She smiled. Victorious.

The End.

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  1. I didn't get to the gym last night, and after reading this post, I don't have to worry about it! I just laughed my a$$ off! LOL, funniest furking schmidt I've heard all day! Thank you, seriously. I needed a good laugh. It's only 10:15 am here, and I'm already ready to start drinking, it's been one of THOSE days.

  2. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww that's just gross...and so inappropriate.

  3. OMG!! I just spit out my lunch from laughter! That is hilarious!!

  4. That is so awesomely freakin' hilarious!!

  5. That most definitely is crude and nasty....but also the FUNNIEST thing I will hear all day!

  6. This is awesome!! I heart Lisa with all my very being right now. And I have to agree with her, five is enough and no one wants to have relations with a pie. Or be the pie. Not in that sense anyway.

  7. That. was. AWESOME!

  8. OMG... I love it! So hilarious....

  9. LOLOLLOOLOLL!!!! Love it! Hahahaha! Nice one Lisa! :D

  10. She is my hero! From Mom of 4

  11. Hilarious! Lisa is too funny!

  12. Hmmm... what does it say about me that I didn't find this gross OR inappropriate... Just frickin' HILARIOUS!!! AND AWESOME!!! I love Lisa!!!

  13. This post made my whole day, no i take that back, THIS POST MADE MY WHOLE WEEK! I am going to put the "please just one more" arguement to rest TONIGHT!

  14. Oh the awesomeness....almost peed laughing!

  15. That was great!

    Side note: Where do these "let's keep having babies" men come from?! Gawd.

  16. Awesome. Need to remember this one...always!

  17. Love it, love it, love it. lmfao

  18. Thank you ladies, I thank you for being just as messed up as me...Love it!

  19. I'm never going to look at pie the same way again.

  20. i know this is a billion years later, but this one is awesome hahahaha

  21. OMG I can't believe I JUST NOW saw this....but it's absolutely HILARIOUS!! My hubby and I are working toward #3....but after #2 was emergency c-section and apparently malpractice insurance no longer allows VBACs and anesthesia is a B*TCH to me, I think I'm done after three. But he wants, like, 5 or 6. Like, yeah, honey...you work 12-16 hours shifts AT NIGHT and I work full-time as MAMA. Of COURSE you want more; you don't do anything with the two we already have! :) :) :) :)




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