Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Funniest F**king Thig I Heard All Day: FORE!

McLovin and I took McGee and Happy to play miniature golf. Happy had this little blue golf club with this oversized blue golf ball and thought he was the coolest guy EVER.

Let's start by saying I think I should have a handicap when playing with someone who has all the benefits of having a bigger ball, bigger club, shorter distance and the inability to count in consecutive order.

McLovin said no.

But the eighth green I was so far behind I was going to have to shoot -1s on every remaining hole just to keep up. And not like 1 under par; but rather, hit a hole in one on the previous green that then bounces out of the hole and rolls down the next green into that hole. And possibly the one after that.

McGee and McLovin - to their credit - kept their yaps shut. I think mostly because they know who fixes their dinner...and therefore who may possibly spit in said dinner.

Happy? sympathy there. Or, cost benefit analysis of ripping on Mommy. On the 14th green, he sunk the ball from probably 15 feet away. Took him 2 on a par 3.

"OH YEAH! Wanna see my Happy dance?"

Then swung his club over his shoulder like he's Fred Astaire Gene Kelly [Editor's Note: I'm stupid. Thank you Virginia!! - Kate]  in Singing in the Rain and sang "go Happy...go's the Happy dance! Happy! Happy! Happy! Happy! Happy!" all the while shaking his little hips and bobbing his head at me like he was attached to my dashboard.

Then he took my ball away and dropped it into the hole at the 18th green - which is the neverending tube of nothingness for golf balls, because that ball is gone - and told me I was done.

Then pointed at a bench.

He kept the scorecard. And blacked out my scores with a crayon.

The End.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010


  1. Sounds like what happens to me when I go golfing. Lol. I feel your pain.

  2. My son (aged 6) tells me the scores/points for each hole. They typically go like this:
    Mama, you got one thousand and ten. I got three million forty two.

    Next hole:
    Mama, you got twenty-twelve. I got four hundred eighteen hundred one thousand.


  3. Haha- Love the dinner comment! I've used that threat before too! So glad I'm not the only one!

  4. Is sad there was no "Happy Gilmore" reference. Funny funny funny as usual though!

  5. Haha, I feel your pain! I've been golfing over 40 times and I still can't get less than double par on ANY hole! Here we play what's called the Utah 10. Any hole that you hit ten strokes, you just stop counting. I think they made it up just for me.

    Single Dad Laughing




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