Or, it could be like this letter we got:
I am a bartender, and not in a fancy-schmancy, martini bar, fufu swankytown kinda joint, or any place that requires an employee dress code. I work at a suburban neighborhood bar. It is a cute, nice little place with a zillion regulars and super cheap drinks. Translation: sloppiness.
People say, "Oh, I bet it is nice for you to get out of the house and come to work for some adult interaction!" ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?! I use my mommy-voice, The Look and The Maude Face more with these jackholes than with my kids. Nothing could better prepare me for this job than motherhood. I am just the administrator of what equates to an adult playgroup. One thing I really do like about it though is when I square up, I really do get to kick some drunk arse... ahhh... It is so therapeutic. I can't tell you how much I LOVE to boot someone from the playgroup when the time comes. Here are some examples of quotes used in my two positions. You will see how they are *totally* interchangeable.
- "Yes! You can absolutely use your inside voice... OUTSIDE."
- "Where are your pants?"
- "That is NOT for climbing!"
"Who is puking??!?!!"
- "Where did you get that? Is it YOURS? Then put it down now."
- "Keep your hands to yourself!"
- "DO NOT THROW THINGS!"
- "Put your BUTT on that chair!"
- "Get down from there!"
- "Wait your TURN!"
- "Here, let me see. OK, here is some ice. Now EVERYONE just calm down and take a break. You sit here. You, go over there and DO SOMETHING ELSE!"
- "Is that how you are supposed to use that? That is how people get hurt."
(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010