Thursday, August 26, 2010

MommyLand After Dark: Driving with Inappropriate Alertness

You all know we like to call people things like ass hat and douche.  But just a warning for the prudish sorts, this has to do with the Hello Kitty products we won't sell.  Consider yourselves warned.

I just read something that made me go: WHUCK?!

In Cincinnati, Ohio last week a woman was driving erratically (and her car had illegally tinted windows).  So a policeman pulled her over.  She wasn't drunk.  She was driving with an operative sex toy in her lap with her pants unzipped.  While her friend, riding shotgun, held up a laptop with an adult video playing so that she could watch it.  While she was driving.

She was charged with "Driving with Inappropriate Alertness". 

Don't believe me?  It's true.  I couldn't make that up if I tried.  Now I haven't slept in almost 8 years, so I said goodbye to mental alertness a long time ago.  And I everything I do and think and say and blog is inappropriate.  So I have to say that I think the best part of this story is what she was charged with: Inappropriate Alertness.

I have a couple of alternatives and suggestions for the Police if this should ever happen again:

  • "Driving while Overstimulated"
  • "Driving Under the Influence of D-Cell Batteries"
  • "Operating Machinery while umm... Operating Machinery"
  • "Inappropriate Multi-Tasking"
  • "First Degree Count of Hilarious Grossness"
  • "Failure to Observe the Speed Limit and All Known Social Boundaries"

And with that, I'm out.
xo, Lydia

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010


  1. What was her passenger thinking? They should be changed with Contributing to the Delinquency of ... well a Delinquent? Moron? Pervert?


  3. WHUCK indeed! How long does it take to turn off the "device" and close the laptop? Me thinks she wanted to share the joy...

  4. Many statements running through my head, none of which are appropriate for posting, so I'm just going to say "WHUCK"??!! (This is going to get ugly fast, isn't it? LOL)

  5. Perfect. I was just working on a post about how we're all going to hell in a handbasket, and that seals it.

  6. Where I am from, you can get arrested just for "driving under the influence" of anything. If you're driving while hysterically crying, or overtired, etc. I think this would count.

  7. Oh. my. goodness.

    That is the MOST hilarious thing I've read in a long time.

    Can you imagine being the defense attorney on this case?

    "Well, actually, judge, as you can see from her mugshot, my client is generally exhausted. So, it's as though she had a cup of coffee. Or a soda. Her unusual stimuli of choice was actually just bringing her back to baseline."

  8. it really takes all kinds I guess although this kind I can do without.
    Speaking of which..Just when you think it's safe to live out in the country...someone near my home was arrested for 'inappropriate acts on a HORSE'. No kidding.

  9. Inappropriate Multi-Tasking is my favourite and I think most fitting. I love this so much. I have eaten while driving, danced, sang, located toys, changed CDs, applied lip gloss/stick but never ever have I felt the urge to 'take care of business'. WTF?!!!

  10. ya almost kinda wish she had gotten into an accident and had her toy embedded a little too deeply - imagine explaining that one in the ER...

  11. Aunt Mary was held up in a huge traffic jam in Virginia Beach years ago because a young man and his girl friend were indulging (yessum the real deal, no batteries here!)on one of the big 8 lane highways out that way. Fortunately no one DIED! that time.

  12. Oddly enough I was just at a "Passion Party" and right there in the catalog (page 8 if you're looking) is the "Car Pet." The description reads: "Road trip rapture awaits. Bunny bullet attached to 12V adapter plugs into your car, boat or RV charger for active bunny ear action. No batteries necessary." $19.00

    Oh my...

  13. I know this is late, but I'm from Cincinnati and one of my friends was the arresting officer. He said that they weren't even ashamed, just acted surprised you could really get in trouble for something like this. He also said he wore gloves the whole time.




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