Thursday, August 26, 2010

MommyLand After Dark: Driving with Inappropriate Alertness

You all know we like to call people things like ass hat and douche.  But just a warning for the prudish sorts, this has to do with the Hello Kitty products we won't sell.  Consider yourselves warned.

I just read something that made me go: WHUCK?!

In Cincinnati, Ohio last week a woman was driving erratically (and her car had illegally tinted windows).  So a policeman pulled her over.  She wasn't drunk.  She was driving with an operative sex toy in her lap with her pants unzipped.  While her friend, riding shotgun, held up a laptop with an adult video playing so that she could watch it.  While she was driving.

She was charged with "Driving with Inappropriate Alertness". 

Don't believe me?  It's true.  I couldn't make that up if I tried.  Now I haven't slept in almost 8 years, so I said goodbye to mental alertness a long time ago.  And I everything I do and think and say and blog is inappropriate.  So I have to say that I think the best part of this story is what she was charged with: Inappropriate Alertness.

I have a couple of alternatives and suggestions for the Police if this should ever happen again:

  • "Driving while Overstimulated"
  • "Driving Under the Influence of D-Cell Batteries"
  • "Operating Machinery while umm... Operating Machinery"
  • "Inappropriate Multi-Tasking"
  • "First Degree Count of Hilarious Grossness"
  • "Failure to Observe the Speed Limit and All Known Social Boundaries"

And with that, I'm out.
xo, Lydia

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010

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