Mom 1: (solemnly) We heard back from the school today. Little Precious is reading at or above grade level. All our hopes for him... (quietly sobs)
Mom 2: I am so sorry. He'll do fine... I'm sure... At a community college... (smirks to self)
I think we should all untighten the sphincter a little bit. For ourselves, for our children, for our sanity. I think creating a set of whackadoodle expectations for kids that leaves no room for them to fail and learn from that failure is short-sighted and douchey. I expect my kids to always make an effort, to follow the rules and to do so with a good attitude. I want my kids to be able to bounce back from a f*ck up or a horrible year or a run of bad luck. There are too many really smart people out there who cannot seem to deal with the curve balls that life inevitably throws right at your snot locker.
I think we'd all be a lot happier if we could just admit that we're a bunch of fairly run-of-the-mill asshats who are doing the best we can. I mean, my kids are bright, but would probably be a whole lot smarter if I wasn't such a lazy fart who let them watch the Wiggles instead of "So You think Your Baby Can Read" or whatever the hell that thing is called. And little Miss Paltrow's brilliant offspring (who is so disappointingly reading at grade level) seemed to me to have a tendency to trail off mid-sentence and look around like he forgot where he was. And you know what? That makes me like him.
I'm going to be brave. I'm going to openly admit that I am not perfect and neither are my kids and we're just fine with that. I will give you some examples, that's how committed I am to my new cause of lowered standards and expectations. I am outing my family as being... (gasp!) normal. And maybe, even a little goofy. Here goes.
- We enrolled my 5 year old son Hawk in a multi-sport camp so that he could try things out and find the one he liked best. Then we would focus our energy (and money) on the thing he really liked. Would it be soccer? Baseball? Oh no. Of course not. Sigh. I think I may have some trouble finding a Capture-the-Flag Youth League, as he now refuses to play anything else.
- Thumbelina, our pride and joy, was asked to brush her teeth last night. I heard her walk into the kitchen, where I found her five minutes later staring vacantly into the trashcan.
PS: If you want some video, we've got some right here.
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