Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Overheard at the Beach
Kid: Mom! Did you know that pee tastes like salt?
Mom: What? How do you --?
Kid: So, I had to go...so I went. And then I jumped in the ocean and it was all salty. I didn't know pee was salty, but it IS!
Mom: You jumped in right where you peed?
Kid: Ummm, no.
Girl: Hold on. I'm using it.
Boy, yelling to father: DAD! Kelly won't share the shovel!
Dad: One more minute son, and then it's your turn.
Boy: NO FAIR! She's gonna use up all the sand.
Woman, to friend at surfside bar: This might not be our best idea.
Friend: What? Oh. You mean vodka at noon when it's 90 degrees outside?
Woman: Yeah. Maybe we should get something to hydrate ourselves.
Friend, to bartender: Can we see the wine list? [to woman] I'm thinking white...right?
Woman: In the cooler.
Man: Where's the cooler?
Woman: [points] There. Jeez.
Man: I can't get it open. How do you work this damn thing?
Woman: Jesus, Michael. I'm trying to have a f**king vacation here. Can you shut up already?
Girl: Mom, can you help me? I have sand everywhere.
Mom: We'll shower when we get home.
Girl: Mooooooommmmm. It's in my --you know.
Mom, stifling laughter: Go rinse off in the surf. And, kinda hold out your swimsuit so the water can rinse it out.
Girl: I already tried that. And then I fell. And now there's more in there. I'm all grindy.
McGee: That's fine. I'm going to go watch Twilight in the theater room.
Lefty: The elevator is way better than the theater. We need that at our house.
McGee: Our house is lame.
Lefty: I know. No elevator. No theater. And that little refrigerator that has just wine for mom.
McGee: We do have one of those at home. By the big windows.
Lefty: No we don't.
McGee: Uh-huh. It's just empty all the time.
Lefty: OH! Yeah.
[couple riding this singularly *awesome* family bicycle with two seats in front, two in back -- all with pedals -- and two little kids in the jump seat in front of the parents.]
Dad: I'm trying son. [looks at wife] This is harder than I thought.
Mom: Turn around.
[Dad looks at the grandparents in the back, who are doing nothing]
Dad: Ummm, hey Dad? Could use a little help here...
Grandpa: I don't think we need to go any faster. Does that help?
[Editor's Note: Kate was literally speed walking along to keep up with this conversation. And wrote it on her arm because she didn't have a newspaper. You'd have thought they would have bicycled faster just to get away from her. But, no.]
Guy, to two women sitting at a bar: Do you all know a good place for us to go for more drinks? Maybe with music? [Leers a little bit, while staring at her chest]
Woman: Gay or straight?
Guy: Straight. [pauses, looks at his friend] Straight? [friend does the open hand WTF gesture] Yeah, definitely straight.
Woman: Spuma is fun.
Woman: Yeah, it means sea foam in Portuguese.
Guy: So, what, you have to be *Portuguese* to get in there or something?
Woman: Uhh, no. You just have to be *well read.* [under breath] Jackass.
Woman's friend, after the guys leave: You should have sent them to the wrong bar.
Woman: I did.
(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010
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