Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Overheard At the -- Everywhere

I think the pool may be catching on to my newspaper and sharpie trick. Had to branch out. Fortunately for me, there are plenty of whack people willing to say completely random things in front of total strangers. Strangers with Sharpies.

At the airport: Gate Agent, over speaker: "Ladies and Gentlemen, we'll now begin boarding for Delta flight four-twenty-six, service to Atlanta. We'll be starting with the - what? [speaker cuts off, then two agents talking] "What happened to the Atlanta flight?" Other agent: "Left 45 minutes ago." First agent: "Really? Good for them."  [speaker back on]  "Actually, this flight is going to Tampa Bay! Aren't you guys clever?"

In a tattoo parlor: Girl, to her friend: "Does it hurt?" Other girl: "No, why would it?" "Ummm, because of the needles?" "Shut up, there's no needles. The ink just seeps in, like those birth control patches -- OH! Those things totally don't work, by the way."

On the street: Girl, to her friends "...to see 'Inception' with him. Eww, I hate these grate things. [slinks around it] I'm always afraid I'm going to fall through." Friend: "Like slip between the grates?" [laughs] Other Friend: "Me too! Oh, she just said you're fat..." Friend: "Did not! You can't fall through it. Girl: "Yeah, but it can, like, collapse in. Ya bitch." Other Friend: "Ang, now you just called yourself fat." Friend: "You both suck and I hope you both fall in, you fat bitches." [then shoves Girl onto a grate, who screams]

Inside the convenience store: Woman, to clerk: "Do you have Pelligrino?" Clerk: "Huh?" Woman: "Pelligrino? Or Perrier? Maybe Voss?" [clerk slowly shaking her head] "How about Club Soda?" Clerk: "Umm, we got soda pop, beer and water. Or a slushee. All them other things, I don't even know what you're saying."

In the elevator: Guy, to other guy "God, this elevator reeks of stale beer, cigarettes and sweat." Other guy: "Uhh, I think that actually may be us."

More at the airport: Woman, complaining loudly to friend at the security checkpoint: "Ugh. I hate this. We might as well just strip down naked first. TSA guy, muttering: "You? No thanks. Her? [looks at friend] Yeah. That'd be a good day at work."

Airport Shuttle Bus: Driver, to couple: "Which airline? Couple, at the same time: "Delta." "American." Girl: "Wait. What? It's Delta." Guy: "No, it's American." [they pull out papers and compare] Girl: "Really, John? We're on two different flights! To. Our. Honeymoon!" [shifts several seats away] "Been married to you for 24 hours and I already think you're an jackass." [Editor's Note: He got off the shuttle bus first...he didn't seem to upset to be leaving her on the bus. I'm just sayin'. - Kate]

Woman to Flight Attendant, on a very, very long flight delay: "Any idea how much longer." Flight Attendant: "Sorry, no. We'll go when the weather clears. [smiles] It's all up to God now. Woman: "Yeah, well, [laughs] he's startin' to piss me off..."

More in the tattoo parlor: Guy, looking at picture of naked girl: "Ooh, maybe I can get this." Friend: "Tiffany will body slam you if she sees you with some naked girl on you.And then dump you." Guy: "Yeah, but she's got great t*ts. I think I'll get over it."

Hotel Front Desk: Woman, to guest: "OK, you go through the lobby, past the bar, then make a right, go down the hall past the ballrooms, make another right through the glass doors, end of the hall, make a left and then another quick right. There you'll find the elevator banks." Man: "Ma'am, are the elevators for this hotel in this hotel? You lost me after you said 'the bar'."

At the next table: Guy, to friend: "We've driven from New York to Miami before. Twenty-seven hours. And then you FINALLY get to Florida and you're like 'YEA! FLORIDA!' And ten hours later, you're like'f**king hell, we're still in Florida'."


Gas Station: Man pulls up to pump and gets out: "Sunuva--I swear to the holy high with a twist and a cherry!" [gets back in, slams door, and drives to other side of pump, gets out] "...ckin' car makers put the damn gas cap on the same damn side of the damn car." [pulls on little door, which is apparently locked] "...the hell? [walks back to drivers side muttering stuff] "...f**king rental..." [lots of moving around in the car, then returns to pump, opens little door and kicks a dent in the side of the car] "There you go. Gas pump is now on the same side of the car as the dent, a$$holes."

Even more in the tattoo parlor: Girl, waiting for her friend: "How much longer? I'm getting a little drunk." [looks at one of those 40 ounce beer cans] "Wow...this beer is TALL. I wish I was tall like this."



(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010

22 comments:

  1. Uh, anyone else want to know why Kate was hanging around a tattoo parlor?? I think we need a pic!! And the naked airport lady made me snort my Golden Grahams. It hurt.

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  2. I MUST start carrying a notebook with me!! Or, Kate lives a much more exciting life than me ... hmm, which could it be. . .

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  3. 1. I am totally afraid of grates too. I think there are crocodiles down there. Blame Romancing the Stone for that one.
    2. I could totally see my ex buying tickets on different airlines for us by accident. That is why I always made the plans. I bet she does ALL the planning from now on and it will take her years to realize he planned it that way to begin with.

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  4. Oh you made my day. My son keeps asking what is so funny. The elevator is funny - I think it might be us. The newlyweds were hilarious. The gas station rental moron was beyond help. That, my son, is funny.

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  5. Yeah. I want to be tall like a 40 too. All. The. Time.

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  6. Reading your posts makes waking up early worth it. The children are currently fending for themselves ;)

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  7. OMG, why don't I get to hear fun conversations like this?!?!

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  8. Someone should tell the guy that if you look at the car's gas gauge, the little arrow by the picture of the pump points to the direction of the tank. Would save him lots of fines for damaging the car. Of course, your trip wouldn't have been nearly as fun.

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  9. If I start bringing a newspaper and a sharpie with me everwhere, will I start hearing fascinating conversations like this?! Seriously, you girls have all the fun! Thanks for sharing it with us, though! :-)

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  10. Someone should tell the guy that if he were to simply look at the car's gas gauge, he could follow the direction of the little arrow. It does, after all, point to the location of the tank. Would save him lots of money in damages. Of course, you trip would not have been nearly as fun.

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  11. I just laughed OUT LOUD. At work. I must start carrying a Sharpie and newspaper with me. Maybe to our staff meeting tomorrow...

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  12. I've driven from VA to Key West. You hit Miami and you still have 3 f**cking hours to Key West! It is like driving through freaking Texas!

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  13. What? So I want to be as tall as a tall can of beer? Judge much?

    Snicker.

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  14. LOL! I died laughing at the guy from the gas station. Hysterical.

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  15. I am totally avoiding making my kid eggs while I read this...he can make it a few more minutes without the smelliest of breakfast foods.

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  16. Funny, MY old car had a dent on the same side as the gas door too. . .

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  17. Love it! In the elevator is the one that made me laugh the hardest!!

    Single Dad Laughing

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  18. Ha! I was *just* making fun of my neighbor the other day for complaining that she couldn't afford gymnastics class for her pre-schooler while sitting there sipping on her PERRIER! You guys are too funny...

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  19. Bar patron- "These preseason games mean exactly d*ck."
    Bartender - "D*ck is a very imprecise measurement you know. So many different types, sizes and afflictions."
    Patron - "I don't know, as a gay man, I feel they are somewhat in the 'dime a dozen' category.
    Bartender - "I beg to differ. Speaking as a reformed sl*t, I can say that only once did I ever run across one and say to myself, 'nice d*ck'... (trails off in a hazy stare) Yeah, I kept him around for quite a while..."

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  20. AHAHAHAHAAHAHAH!! My favs are the convenience store and the Florida one! You totally are like "f**king hell, we're still in Florida"!

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  21. My family and I spent past week in the woods in a state park on Lake Michigan. Beautiful forests, crystal clear lakes, rustic hiking paths that are miles and miles long and meander through acres and acres of deep woods. While my husband and spawn were in a canoe on one lake, we overheard two of the loudest young women in the entire state park talking while walking (multi-talented ho-bags) and one says to the other: "and that's why I always wear underwear all night long." Boy I wish I had heard that whole conversation.

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  22. lmfao @ yankeemama! i love the overheards!!

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