Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Top Ten Things That Make Lydia Say "Whuck?!"

10. Ryan Seacrest.

9. All I want in the world is some sleep. The baby is finally starting to sleep through the night and guess what? I am still waking up every two hours. That's great, thank you maternal instincts.

8. My 5 year old told me that someone at camp said that during the average human life, people will eat 70 assorted bugs as well as 10 spiders in their sleep. And we looked up on the internet and it's the mur-thur-fur-king truth but I had to act like it wasn't (which was easy because the boy can't read) but on the inside I was like: "GAAAAAHHHHH! Never! Sleeping! Again!"

7. In Germany, Mr. Clean is called Master Proper. Which. Is. Awesome. But it also makes me think that he should always speak with a German accent, like he's Hanz or Franz, even though I think he's an American.  Think about it, he'd fit right in.

6. Kate's postcards from her recent business trip.  She may be criminally insane. 

5. My youngest daughter likes to strip off and pee on the floor.  She just did it again.  On a library book.

4. I have come to hard, cold realization that although I love my cat, I would love him a lot more if the little sh*t wasn't bulemic.  On my shoes.

3. The Cap'n recently taught the baby to moonwalk.  And. I. Was. Thrilled.

2. That someone thought this was a really good idea. ---------------->
Were they like "Hmmm... You know what we need to sell death sticks?  Babies.  Awesome. Let's find one that looks like he's high and about to squirt a turd.  Great job, gentlemen.  Let's have a scotch."

1. My husband, the Cap'n, was talking about how unruly the teenagers in our town are and made some comment about role models and said: "Like the girl... with the shaved head...  the singer... whatshername...  Britney Houston."  Really?  You just got an honorary AARP card and a tube of denture cream for that one, Old Man.  

And regarding #10....  Let this serve as a reminder to everyone, the internet is a cruel, cruel thing...

(scroll down)

This is Ryan Seacrest in middle school.  I know
Thumbelina just saw this picture and asked me who she was.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010

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