Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Top Ten Things That Make Lydia Say "Whuck?!"

10. Ryan Seacrest.

9. All I want in the world is some sleep. The baby is finally starting to sleep through the night and guess what? I am still waking up every two hours. That's great, thank you maternal instincts.

8. My 5 year old told me that someone at camp said that during the average human life, people will eat 70 assorted bugs as well as 10 spiders in their sleep. And we looked up on the internet and it's the mur-thur-fur-king truth but I had to act like it wasn't (which was easy because the boy can't read) but on the inside I was like: "GAAAAAHHHHH! Never! Sleeping! Again!"

7. In Germany, Mr. Clean is called Master Proper. Which. Is. Awesome. But it also makes me think that he should always speak with a German accent, like he's Hanz or Franz, even though I think he's an American.  Think about it, he'd fit right in.

6. Kate's postcards from her recent business trip.  She may be criminally insane. 

5. My youngest daughter likes to strip off and pee on the floor.  She just did it again.  On a library book.

4. I have come to hard, cold realization that although I love my cat, I would love him a lot more if the little sh*t wasn't bulemic.  On my shoes.

3. The Cap'n recently taught the baby to moonwalk.  And. I. Was. Thrilled.

2. That someone thought this was a really good idea. ---------------->
Were they like "Hmmm... You know what we need to sell death sticks?  Babies.  Awesome. Let's find one that looks like he's high and about to squirt a turd.  Great job, gentlemen.  Let's have a scotch."

1. My husband, the Cap'n, was talking about how unruly the teenagers in our town are and made some comment about role models and said: "Like the girl... with the shaved head...  the singer... whatshername...  Britney Houston."  Really?  You just got an honorary AARP card and a tube of denture cream for that one, Old Man.  

And regarding #10....  Let this serve as a reminder to everyone, the internet is a cruel, cruel thing...

(scroll down)

This is Ryan Seacrest in middle school.  I know
Thumbelina just saw this picture and asked me who she was.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010


  1. Master Proper - that's the greatest thing I've heard in a long time! & babies selling cigarettes - genius idea, really (thumbs down).

    Hilarious as always! Thanks for the laugh :)

  2. When I read your #10 at the top I thought...Has she SEEN the recent Seacrest high school photo? Husband and I were amaaazed. I mean, talk about most improved. Holy cow. Simon Cowell is LOVING this turn of events.

  3. Funny top 10! You also crack the top ten on babble! Cograts and keep up the A.W.E.S.O.M.E work (both writing and parenting).

  4. I think the Cap'n is on to something there. It's like "Brangelina" or "Bennifer," but for the insane. I'm totally going to start referring to both Whitney Houston and Britney Spears as Britney Houston.

  5. saw that same picture of seacrest in us magazine yesterday. it did indeed make me say "whuck?!"

    oh and btw, the thing about eating spiders in your sleep MAY not be true. i read somewhere that if spiders actually crawl into a dark, smelly, wet cave with TEETH then they'd have to be seriously stupid. like jessica simpson stupid. maybe i read this on cracked.com. maybe i didn't. it makes sense, though...

  6. Well your internet research has proven one fact for certain... Ryan Seacrest sold his soul to the devil!

  7. And THAT is why I don't like my kids taking out childrens library books, my friend.

  8. I read that people eat 3 spiders in their sleep a year, which is a lot more that 10 in a lifetime. Totally grossed me out. When I talked to my husband about it, he was like "Don't worry about it, if that's true you've already eaten over 75 spiders."
    I was thinking, great, that is encouraging.

  9. did you really have to mention eating spiders??? really?

  10. I'd say it's time to get mini-mini me a potty chair and teach her that your supposed to read the book while you pee, not pee on the book.

  11. I'm with you on #9. We finally finished Ferber-izing the snot out of the baby and now the 2yo has the dreaded coxsackie (the name of that virus could be the topic of a whole blog post for you, by the way) and now SHE is up every 2 hours. Arrrggghhh!

  12. Totally hilarious as usual, and really I'm SO with Franz on that one! Have you checked out Christian Kane? Until I saw this last clip and realized what a huge hole Patrick left in my heart hen he died, I hadn't made the connection to how I lust for the new guy... oh dear!

  13. My people pee on library books all.the.time. If they only knew...

  14. That photo of Ryan Seacrest completely. explains. everything.

  15. I have a bulemic cat too. She is the bane of my existence. I like the library book squatter. I can't help it.

  16. Awww! I miss Patrick Swayze! *tear*

  17. im studying abroad in spain right now and discovered the other day that Mr clean here is "Don Limpio"! and while it makes total sense i was dying from laugher anyways.




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