Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The Law: Funniest F**king Thing I Heard All Day

While driving in the big white Ford tampon the other day, the Cap'n and I had the following conversation with our kids:

Thumbelina (age 7): "We need more laws."
Hawk (age 5) : "Do you mean rules?'
Thumbelina: "No, I mean laws. For our family."
Lydia: "Like what?  How do you make a law?"

(The Cap'n and I anticipate a recitation of the salient parts of the "How A Bill Becomes A Law" a first grade civics lesson or at least some half-hearted singing of the School House Rock classic "I'm Just A Bill".)

Thumbelina: (sighs at my stupidity) "You make some stuff up and write it on a piece of paper.  Then we all sign it and tape it to the wall in the dining room.  Once it hits the wall, it's THE LAW and you can't break it or else."
Lydia: "Ohhh... Right."

(The Cap'n and I look at each other, silently contemplating the Wii Agreement scotch-taped to my dining room wall.  And the list of good table manners.  And the list of chores.  And "good" behaviors we expect....)

Cap'n: "OK.  Let's hear some of these laws.  If we all agree that they're good and fair laws, then we'll write them down and tape them to the wall."
Lydia: "Who wants to go first?  Hawk?"
Hawk: (scrunches up his face in deep thought) "Ummmm... Lemme think... OK. I got one.  If you find any gold, bring it to me."
Cap'n and Lydia: ????
Thumbelina: "I like that. I've heard it before though."
Hawk: "Yah. On Phinneas and Ferb.  The old man from the authentic old-timey western town said it.  The cow wrestler."
Lydia: "Do you mean cattle rustler?"
Hawk: "NO. I mean cow wrestler.  He was a professional."
Thumbelina: (sighs again) "Yah Mommy. Every town in the old west had one.  Now, please be quiet.  I've got a law.  Ready?  Here is my law: If I spit on it, it's mine."
Hawk: (nodding enthusiastically) "That's definitely going on the wall. Good one."
Thumbelina: "Think about it, when its the law, if we see something we like in a store we can spit on it and Daddy has to buy it for us."
Hawk: (stunned, awed silence) "You're a GENIUS. I never would have thought of that."

The. End.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010

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