Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The Law: Funniest F**king Thing I Heard All Day

While driving in the big white Ford tampon the other day, the Cap'n and I had the following conversation with our kids:

Thumbelina (age 7): "We need more laws."
Hawk (age 5) : "Do you mean rules?'
Thumbelina: "No, I mean laws. For our family."
Lydia: "Like what?  How do you make a law?"

(The Cap'n and I anticipate a recitation of the salient parts of the "How A Bill Becomes A Law" a first grade civics lesson or at least some half-hearted singing of the School House Rock classic "I'm Just A Bill".)

Thumbelina: (sighs at my stupidity) "You make some stuff up and write it on a piece of paper.  Then we all sign it and tape it to the wall in the dining room.  Once it hits the wall, it's THE LAW and you can't break it or else."
Lydia: "Ohhh... Right."

(The Cap'n and I look at each other, silently contemplating the Wii Agreement scotch-taped to my dining room wall.  And the list of good table manners.  And the list of chores.  And "good" behaviors we expect....)

Cap'n: "OK.  Let's hear some of these laws.  If we all agree that they're good and fair laws, then we'll write them down and tape them to the wall."
Lydia: "Who wants to go first?  Hawk?"
Hawk: (scrunches up his face in deep thought) "Ummmm... Lemme think... OK. I got one.  If you find any gold, bring it to me."
Cap'n and Lydia: ????
Thumbelina: "I like that. I've heard it before though."
Hawk: "Yah. On Phinneas and Ferb.  The old man from the authentic old-timey western town said it.  The cow wrestler."
Lydia: "Do you mean cattle rustler?"
Hawk: "NO. I mean cow wrestler.  He was a professional."
Thumbelina: (sighs again) "Yah Mommy. Every town in the old west had one.  Now, please be quiet.  I've got a law.  Ready?  Here is my law: If I spit on it, it's mine."
Hawk: (nodding enthusiastically) "That's definitely going on the wall. Good one."
Thumbelina: "Think about it, when its the law, if we see something we like in a store we can spit on it and Daddy has to buy it for us."
Hawk: (stunned, awed silence) "You're a GENIUS. I never would have thought of that."

The. End.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010



    Sounds like what comes out of my hoodlums mouths hahah

  2. Oh. My. That is most definitely GENIUS.

  3. OMG!! Lydia and Kate, you have GOT to see this video. Several years ago, in a "questionable" area where I live (Creighton), some folks thought they saw a leprechan and it made the news. Now it has it's own facebook page and everything. I thought of it because there was a phrase coined "gimme da gold!". Have a look at the news footage...hilarious!

  4. Oh my God...she's going to take over the world!

  5. Well, she is a genius. You gotta give her props for creativity and initiative.

  6. Wow - she is going to be a handful!!!

  7. i am totally going to start shopping this way.

  8. As a lawyer, the Cap'n must be very proud of his spawn for proposing such creative rules, I mean laws. But my favorite line was:
    "I mean cow wrestler. He was a professional."
    Good times.

  9. OMG!!! They really are smarter than us! Holey Smokes are we in trouble....

    They rule. Obviously. :)

  11. That has been a mommy kid rule for so long that is is/or should be common law. I love it! I am working as a temp so tomorrow I am going to spit on my job to see if I can have it.

  12. I always thought the spit law only applied to food, but now, oh the possibilities! Thank you Thumbelina for your great wisdom. I am going to start spitting right away!

  13. I LOVE the "spit on it, it's mine" law!!! Wonder if that one applies to adults, too?? I'd spit on as many bottles, boxes, etc., of wine that I can! Well, at least, until my mouth goes dry... or I get banned from the store. :-/




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