Monday, November 1, 2010

(Mini) Overheard During Trick-or-Treat Night

McGee: [Kate's 11 year old daughter, to her friend] What are you supposed to be dressed up as?
Friend: [Also 11] I'm a hobo. What are you? A Bratz?
McGee: Ewww! No. I was going to be Ke$ha [Editor's Note: Yes, her name is spelled with a dollar sign. I'm sure her mother is proud. -Kate] but my mom said she's a tranny hooker, so now I'm Miley Cyrus.
Friend: But isn't Hannah Montana the singer part and Miley is just regular?
McGee: I'm Miley when we see her in concert. She doesn't perform in real life as Hannah Montana. Jeez.
Friend: Maybe your mom was right about the --what did she call you?
McGee: Tranny Hooker. She loves that word. I think if she doesn't like someone's music, it's because a tranny hooker sings it.

Happy: [Kate's 4 year old son, dressed as Darth Vader] [knocking on very first door] TRICK OR TREAT!
Man: Whoa. I'm scared. Please don't kill me, Lord Vader.
Happy: Oh no, dont' be scared! [rips off mask] It's me. Happy. You can just give me candy.
Man: Good thing. I'm glad I have some candy.
Happy: [to dad] I'm not wearing my mask anymore. It scares people.

[Parents gathered at the neighborhood common area for the pre-trick or treat pizza party. All have to-go cups]
Mom 1: What's in yours?
Mom 2: Ice Tea.
Dad 2: Just because they call it tea, and it has ice in it, does not make it Iced Tea.
Mom 2: Shut up Dan.
Mom 1: You from Long Island these days?
Mom 2: And I'm sure yours is full of water right?
Mom 1: Mmmm, fresh roast coffee. With Baileys. Though to be fair, it's about 90% Baileys and just enough coffee to make it warm.
Dad 2: Oh, why didn't I think of that.
Mom 2: Dan, you think of nothing. Can you even point out which children are ours?
Dad 2: How many of them are here?
[Mom 1 slowly starts to back away; Kate gets closer]
Mom 2: All of them
Dad 2: So....six. Six? Stop staring at me like that. I could find 'em if I needed to. Right now, I just don't need to. 

The Pole Dancer [Kate's neighbor buddy who takes pole dancing classes - not an actual stripper - to Jo]: What are you dressed up as?
Jo: Happy To Be Here Mom? Does that work?
The Pole Dancer: Not convincing [to Kate] And you? Wow. Is that McLovin's shirt? And, sneakers? What on earth are you supposed to be?
Kate: I'm  Lydia.
The Pole Dancer: OOH! It's a good Lydia. [pauses] You're taking mental Sharpie notes aren't you? [Kate nods] She's gonna kick you in the taco when she reads this.
Kate: Yeah, but I'm hoping she'll appreciate the irony.

Lydia here and I do appreciate the irony! Because I dressed up as Ke$ha and everyone thought I was Kate.  How's that for irony?  Just kidding! Tee hee hee.  

I'd like to add one "overheard" of my own - from the Pumpkin Patch earlier in the day:

Small Child: But Mooooommmm... I really want to go back in the bouncy house!
Mom: Son, that boy just threw up in it. So the answer is no.
Small Child: (sighs, rolls eyes) He threw up on the outside of the Bouncy House, not INSIDE it.  It's totally fine. The barf was all on the outside.
Mom:  You're not kidding are you? [answers call from other child, looks back to continue conversation with her son] Son? Son?! Where are you?
Small Child: (from inside the bouncy house, jumping gleefully) Here I am! See? Totally fine!
Mom: Next year I'm cancelling Halloween.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010

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