Monday, November 1, 2010

(Mini) Overheard During Trick-or-Treat Night

McGee: [Kate's 11 year old daughter, to her friend] What are you supposed to be dressed up as?
Friend: [Also 11] I'm a hobo. What are you? A Bratz?
McGee: Ewww! No. I was going to be Ke$ha [Editor's Note: Yes, her name is spelled with a dollar sign. I'm sure her mother is proud. -Kate] but my mom said she's a tranny hooker, so now I'm Miley Cyrus.
Friend: But isn't Hannah Montana the singer part and Miley is just regular?
McGee: I'm Miley when we see her in concert. She doesn't perform in real life as Hannah Montana. Jeez.
Friend: Maybe your mom was right about the --what did she call you?
McGee: Tranny Hooker. She loves that word. I think if she doesn't like someone's music, it's because a tranny hooker sings it.

Happy: [Kate's 4 year old son, dressed as Darth Vader] [knocking on very first door] TRICK OR TREAT!
Man: Whoa. I'm scared. Please don't kill me, Lord Vader.
Happy: Oh no, dont' be scared! [rips off mask] It's me. Happy. You can just give me candy.
Man: Good thing. I'm glad I have some candy.
Happy: [to dad] I'm not wearing my mask anymore. It scares people.

[Parents gathered at the neighborhood common area for the pre-trick or treat pizza party. All have to-go cups]
Mom 1: What's in yours?
Mom 2: Ice Tea.
Dad 2: Just because they call it tea, and it has ice in it, does not make it Iced Tea.
Mom 2: Shut up Dan.
Mom 1: You from Long Island these days?
Mom 2: And I'm sure yours is full of water right?
Mom 1: Mmmm, fresh roast coffee. With Baileys. Though to be fair, it's about 90% Baileys and just enough coffee to make it warm.
Dad 2: Oh, why didn't I think of that.
Mom 2: Dan, you think of nothing. Can you even point out which children are ours?
Dad 2: How many of them are here?
[Mom 1 slowly starts to back away; Kate gets closer]
Mom 2: All of them
Dad 2: So....six. Six? Stop staring at me like that. I could find 'em if I needed to. Right now, I just don't need to. 

The Pole Dancer [Kate's neighbor buddy who takes pole dancing classes - not an actual stripper - to Jo]: What are you dressed up as?
Jo: Happy To Be Here Mom? Does that work?
The Pole Dancer: Not convincing [to Kate] And you? Wow. Is that McLovin's shirt? And, sneakers? What on earth are you supposed to be?
Kate: I'm  Lydia.
The Pole Dancer: OOH! It's a good Lydia. [pauses] You're taking mental Sharpie notes aren't you? [Kate nods] She's gonna kick you in the taco when she reads this.
Kate: Yeah, but I'm hoping she'll appreciate the irony.

Lydia here and I do appreciate the irony! Because I dressed up as Ke$ha and everyone thought I was Kate.  How's that for irony?  Just kidding! Tee hee hee.  

I'd like to add one "overheard" of my own - from the Pumpkin Patch earlier in the day:

Small Child: But Mooooommmm... I really want to go back in the bouncy house!
Mom: Son, that boy just threw up in it. So the answer is no.
Small Child: (sighs, rolls eyes) He threw up on the outside of the Bouncy House, not INSIDE it.  It's totally fine. The barf was all on the outside.
Mom:  You're not kidding are you? [answers call from other child, looks back to continue conversation with her son] Son? Son?! Where are you?
Small Child: (from inside the bouncy house, jumping gleefully) Here I am! See? Totally fine!
Mom: Next year I'm cancelling Halloween.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010


  1. LMBO. Great! My kids are only allowed two pieces of candy a day. My oldest ( hes 4) says But mom Im not allergic to candy. It makes me feel

  2. ooh. *shivers* I slept through Halloween this year thanks to bronchitis, so really I can't complain. Except you just gave me one more reason to hate bouncy houses. (as if Ricky wasn't enough.) I'm off to find the candy now!

  3. This totally made my night. I love the "overheard" posts.

    We saw a guy in a OBVIOUSLY expensive predator costume get fake arrested by a cop so the cop could have a "facebook photo" I told my niece that the guy was dressed as predator...she asked if that is the kind of predator the news said to stay away from on halloween. I left that one to her mom.

  4. Ok, Here's mine:

    Teenage Boy Trick or Treating in front of us: What are those?
    Woman: Jello Shots
    Teenage Boy: Can I have one?
    Woman: NO, you have to show ID and prove you are 21.

    Daughter: Trick or Treat!
    Woman: (hands candy to daughter, looks at me) I'm going to assume you are 21, Would you like a Jello Shot?
    Me: What gave it away, the beer in my hand!

    Yes, we are VERY open about our drinking on Halloween here and hey, I got a Jello Shot!!

  5. Those are such cute conversations that it actually makes me somewhat nostalgic for Halloween...oops...temporary lapse of sanity. I really don't miss it!

  6. LOVE IT!
    Can y'all please do some sort of contest for rants from readers...I have a few daily that roll over and over in my head. We could send them in and you could post your favorite and the top rant could receive a free Tbox or something. Or we could just feel good because you liked our rant the best :) Mine would be why I sometimes do stuff that makes me feel guilty but I don't feel guilty enough until it's all over. Like the other day when I just wanted to get ready without anyone talking to me since my husband was home and it was a weekend and surely that isn't too much to ask. I ended up feeling guilty because I left the water on(turned it to cold so it wasn't a double whammy on my going green efforts) far after I finished my shower. I locked the door so the 2 foot tall terrorist(2 1/2 year old) and his older brother couldn't get in but that didn't stop them from standing outside the door knocking, yelling, and banging on the door, but I have learned if they hear the water on they will leave sooner than if the water goes off. It is like they know I am fair game and can hear them. SO..I left it on until I finished getting ready and the whole time I felt guilty, but not guilty enough to care enough to turn it off.

  7. I looove the Overheard posts!

    Here's mine from Halloween:

    [16 year-olds at our door trick-or-treating in the most lame-ass costumes ever.]

    Me: I guess you can each have one piece of candy.

    Husband (calling after them as they walk away): Next year, get a job and buy your own damn candy!

    I'm shocked we didn't get egged last night.

  8. I have a new friend that went trick or treating with me and my kids and I introduced her to the tradition of the "to-go cup". She loved it and said it was way funner this way!

  9. Happy Alcohallowe'en!

  10. That's great! I wish our neighbors were more like that.

    When our kids were a few years younger we just did a quick run around the block with them and headed home to drink our wine and answer the door. One of my friends stopped by later after her kids had her go for a good hour or so. I could tell she was just DONE. Being the good friend I am...I gave her a to go cup of wine. She really needed it. :)

  11. Please kindly remove my photograph (yellow shoes) from your post. Please do not steal images from other blogs without asking. Had you asked I would have said yes.

  12. @Amber...
    I'm so sorry about your photo. You're totally right; I should have asked first. But I saw the awesomeness that is yellow clogs and they just called out to me.
    Please forgive me...
    xoxo Kate

  13. @Amber,
    Lydia here. Just to clarify, Kate got the picture from google images not your totally awesome blog - which really is, I mean - can I come hang at your house because DAMN, the snacks look great. A lot of our images ends up there too and folks recycle them all the time. Anyway we're sorry! But honestly, I don't think Kate was aware of the source when she used it which is why she didnt ask permission. Also she was on drugs because she had a contusion on her ribs. So there's also that.
    xo, Lydia

  14. Now I wanna see the yellow clogs. They're calling to me from beyond the grave!!! Happy Halloween?!

  15. Just so you guys know, "tranny" is a really offensive, hurtful word. I love your blog but things like this make it an unfriendly place for some people.




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