Thursday, September 23, 2010

My van is *not* disgusting. At least not right now.

Lydia here. I would like to respond to Kate's claims that my van is so gross that a family of five could survive in it during a blizzard.  Maybe they could - but not because of the filth.  Because of the enormous first aid kit and snack stockpile that I keep in there.  So it is not that I am bad at keeping things clean - it's that I'm totally organized.  Stop laughing.  Specifically, I take exception to the following picture.

That being said, you should know a few things:
  • The picture on the right is of a black car.  Not a Big White Tampon. It is not mine.
  • The pictures below are of a white van.  A Big White Ford Tampon that I happily claim as my own.
  • These photos are like an "I Spy" of car related crap (we call it "strack") stashed in random places.  I'm hoping you can't identify too much...
  • The only reason it looks this good is because the nice man with the neck tattoo at Jiffy Lube straightened it up for me and vacuumed it when I got my oil changed last weekend.   
So suck it, Fancy.  My van is spectacular.  At the moment.  See for yourself.

Front seat view:

Backseat view:

See? It's not that bad.  The guy at Jiffy Lube said he's seen worse.  Though he was shaking his head while he said it.  Oh well!  At least he didn't give me The Righteous Sniff

The End.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010


  1. Lol. You are making me feel good about my own car. I always think 'what's the point of cleaning everything out when it's just going to find it's way back in?' My car is ready for anything. I even carry a large survival pack in case of- I don't know. I guess in case my entire state is obliterated but me, my passengers and my car manage to survive the disaster.

  2. The big white tampon looks awesome! My van is, um, well, yeah. We could survive in it for weeks and weeks if we had to. And it has a smell. We have named my van Stan (short for Stan the Mighty Man-Van) and we call it the Stan Smell. And I can't get rid of it. (Not that I'm trying all that hard.)

    My husband's car (which sadly remains nameless) is pristine. He'll come home and talk about how he has to clean his messy car. "Messy" apparently means one granola bar wrapper and an empty water bottle are on the floor. If my van ever got that clean I'd think I was in the wrong vehicle. His car smells like a new car, even though it isn't. Stan smells like spoiled milk, Goldfish crackers, and crayons melted in the sun.

  3. When we all ride in my car, my husband drives, since my knees are up to my ears due to all the junk in the front passenger footwell. Every time he makes a turn, someone gets a deluge of new & used napkins; McD ketchup, honey & caramel dip packets, and the plastic dino I use to put on the steering column to remind me that I need gas.
    If my 2-year-old's legs grow any longer, she will touch the growing mound of stuff in the back footwell. We gave up the trunk as a lost cause years ago. I just cram the stroller in on top and push down really hard to close the trunk.
    But if she ever needs a diaper, wipe, change of summer clothes, change of winter clothes, rain coat, winter coat, snow suit, bathing suit, rain boots, back-up shoes, towel, blanket, doll, comb, random stuffed animal, juice box, SPF lotion, box of assorted craft supplies, or packet of pulverized stale cookies, I'm prepared!

  4. Your van is so wwwaaaayyyyy cleaner than mine after it has spent the weekend with husband and child. You should be proud!!

  5. Love the toilet paper roll...thought we were the only ones with that in the car. Of course it does go with the little potty we haul around.

  6. Your van looks great,although I can sympathize, my Suburban (owned for the sole purpose-to quote George Carlin- to haul MORE stuff!)is constantly full of things I can't even explain, such as blankets (we live down south- it's never that cold!), & shoes-I swear my kids have only 2 feet, I've looked! As well as the usual "I don't have time to move this" stuff that gets left behind every time we get out of the car. So hold on to your clean ride for as long as you can, if your anything like me (and by the way we may be related)my car is the last thing on the list to get cleaned & it usually does only because I'm afraid someone I'm not related to may need a ride. Karen

  7. Ummm ... the auto shop place actually refused to work on my car once because it was too messy with kid strack. They ever-so-politely informed my husband he could bring it back later minus the stuff and "oh, could you remove those car seats so we can get around better in there?" Actually, no, those never get removed so guess what ... we are NEVER COMING BACK HERE AGAIN!! :)

  8. My boyfriend is always complaining about all the 'junk' in my car. He thinks he's doing me a favor by cleaning it up. But all that does is insure that when the Monster starts crying and refusing to get in his carseat or give my keys back or what have you, I have nothing to distract him with. Thank you ever so.

  9. That's! Please never look into the windows of mine!

  10. Stop making the rest of look bad Missy!!! My van looks like Oscar the Grouch has taken up residence. I found a McD's happy meal sized soda cup STUCK TO THE CUP HOLDER in the back today. The coke/root beer/dr. pepper that was in it soaked through the bottom of the cup (it does that after about 20 hours) and in the wonderful Southern Nevada summer heat, had become a 1/2" thick, sticky, disgusting mess. I haven't quite figured out how to deal with that yet....

  11. LOL. I clean out my car everyone once in a while (not that you can really tell), and I always regret it within 24 hours, because I need something I 'cleaned out'.

    Like two days ago when my youngest had one of *those* BM moments. She is potty training and she had the poo and then remembered she was supposed to do that in the potty. We were in the tile store. I looked up from comparing two samples. No short stuff. "Where are you?" "In the bathroom". Argh (the have two bathrooms right off the showroom, tiled in a truely...eclectic mix of styles, presumably so you can decide which you hate most as you sit on the pot). I go in and sure enough, it's a poosplosion.

    No problem, I have wipes and pull-ups in the car...except I cleaned it out and what I DON'T have is a change of clothes for her - took that bag out because the clothes in it recently became too small. So instead of the cute little dress she came in with, she spent the second half of our visit running around in a pull-up and her sweater. Gah.

  12. A few weeks ago I was enjoying fruit flys in my car daily. For about a week I ignored the stench and flys, I had no idea where they were coming from! Why would kleenex and maybe a stray cracker be doing this to me?? When I finally had enough, I found a bag of rotten pears in my front passenger footwell underneath all the kleenex and trash. I think the pears were there from two weeks prior when a family member gave them to me. Ya...I know its gross. Show how much I care about the car that gets me here to there and the spare time I don't spend cleaning my car. When I do get around to it, I take a laundry basket out there and fill it up with all the extra "strack" to relocate to the house.




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