Wednesday, October 27, 2010

On Friendship

Lydia and I talk a lot about making mom friends, and the different kinds of mom friends, and how important they are, and what foods they represent and IF they're even friends at all, but probably not...and how most of them just sort of drift into and out of our lives kinda haphazardly. It's the mom version of going out when you were single.

Single Days: You show up with a couple of already established girlfriends in tow to the *it* bar or restaurant or club. You chat and gossip and possibly dance and you keep the notion in the back of your mind that maybe there's an awesome guy there that you will keep around for a while.

Mom Days: You show up with a couple of already established children in tow to the *nearest* preschool, fast food joint or park. You sit and chat and possibly push a few kids on a few swings and keep the notion in the back of your mind that maybe there's an awesome friend out there who will totally put up with your crap when you're too busy to call and your 373 phone calls a day when you aren't too busy and probably clearly need to do a few extra loads of laundry and it's painfully evident that you're trying to win some Guinness record for number of texts because, Good Maude, their phone is vibrating in their purse so much someone is bound to think maybe you brought *one toy* too many to this play date and willyoupleasestopmessagingmeKate?!?!?
 
And then Lydia will calmly text me back: "At Girl Scout meeting. Will call at 6:40pm." which is her deep-breath-and-calm-voice way of saying "cut it out Fancy or I will shove your Choo through your hoo....HA!"

Lydia has written about it before. It's hard to make Mom Friends. And I don't make it any easier; either before someone is my friend, or after they decide they want to take that particular Matrix pill. My dearest childhood friend calls me her Boomerang. I'm all close and tight and talk fourish-eleventy thousand times a day, and then I'll venture off into the unknown for however long, and then return at some point all super involved again.

And I'm pushy and mouthy and say what I think like 167% of the time. And then whine and moan because I can't say the other 32% because, really, no one wants to hear that stuff. My television hero is Karen from Will & Grace because she just said whatever she thought. Did it make her a bitch? Yep. Was she probably half in the bag? Yes! Did I still want to have that characteristic anyway? Oh, even yesser.

But, as we teach our children, words have consequences. So, I keep my yap shut a lot of the time, and then, when I stumble onto another person who is either 1) biting her tongue equally as hard; 2) opting not to take opportunity to shut up, which means there's a chance we take turns being Snarky Bitch; or 3) tells me to "Suck It Fancy" when I DO say something...well, that's a person I have to keep around.

And, that person is Lydia.

It's no secret I have a thing about hugging. I don't love to do it. I WILL, when the kid or need or the occasion or the too fast-moving-person-to-dodge-out-of-it arises, but I'm all about using my words.
  • Subject: In case I don't say it enough...
  •  
  • Or let's be frank...ever. You are amazing. You're funny and a brilliant writer and in all my imaginings there is no one I'd rather do this with than you.
  •  
  • You make me believe. And no one does that. I'm too cynical. Thank you for going on this adventure with me...I would totally hug you, but no.
  •  
  • Love you,
  • Kate

And Lydia is all about hugging...and it's really cool. She hugs kids, grown ups, pets, plants, strangers, people at the grocery store when they pick up something she dropped, bank tellers when she correctly balances her checkbook. And it's for this reason that I send her messages like this when she's in another state. Because she would totally drive to my house and hug me, and then slap me with a sandwich for making her cry. Possibly call me a name. On this particular occasion, I was 1 for 4. The out of town part helped:
  • Subject: re: In case I don't say it enough...
  •  
  • Shut up you stupid whore, because you're making me cry. Again. I couldn't do any of this without you. I would be all sad and snarky and all by myself.
  •  
  • You're the whole enchilada: hilarious, observant, irreverent, talented, whip smart, fabulous, supportive, *awesome*. So thank you. I would be so lost without MommyLand. And you.
  •  
  • Sniffle.
  • Lydia Bennet Wickham Coupon 
It's a strange thing to think I may have never been friends with her. Nor her with me. McLovin will come downstairs at the end of the night and see me at my desk, typing away, laughing to myself and drinking a glass of wine. He said something about how much I seemed to enjoy the blog...I nodded and smiled and told him that I did. He said, "I'm glad it makes you happy...and how is Mrs. Coupon today?"

Mrs. Coupon. She's awesome. Today and all the time.
  • Subject: re: re: In case I don't say it enough...
  •  
  • You made me cry. Now I have to punch you. Monkey balls...oh, and you smell, but not like enchiladas...
  •  
  • xoxo Kate
  •  
  • P.S. Mmmmm...enchiladas.
I'm texting her...again...I think there's a chance her phone might explode. Even yesser.

xoxo Kate 

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010

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