Wednesday, October 27, 2010

On Friendship

Lydia and I talk a lot about making mom friends, and the different kinds of mom friends, and how important they are, and what foods they represent and IF they're even friends at all, but probably not...and how most of them just sort of drift into and out of our lives kinda haphazardly. It's the mom version of going out when you were single.

Single Days: You show up with a couple of already established girlfriends in tow to the *it* bar or restaurant or club. You chat and gossip and possibly dance and you keep the notion in the back of your mind that maybe there's an awesome guy there that you will keep around for a while.

Mom Days: You show up with a couple of already established children in tow to the *nearest* preschool, fast food joint or park. You sit and chat and possibly push a few kids on a few swings and keep the notion in the back of your mind that maybe there's an awesome friend out there who will totally put up with your crap when you're too busy to call and your 373 phone calls a day when you aren't too busy and probably clearly need to do a few extra loads of laundry and it's painfully evident that you're trying to win some Guinness record for number of texts because, Good Maude, their phone is vibrating in their purse so much someone is bound to think maybe you brought *one toy* too many to this play date and willyoupleasestopmessagingmeKate?!?!?
 
And then Lydia will calmly text me back: "At Girl Scout meeting. Will call at 6:40pm." which is her deep-breath-and-calm-voice way of saying "cut it out Fancy or I will shove your Choo through your hoo....HA!"

Lydia has written about it before. It's hard to make Mom Friends. And I don't make it any easier; either before someone is my friend, or after they decide they want to take that particular Matrix pill. My dearest childhood friend calls me her Boomerang. I'm all close and tight and talk fourish-eleventy thousand times a day, and then I'll venture off into the unknown for however long, and then return at some point all super involved again.

And I'm pushy and mouthy and say what I think like 167% of the time. And then whine and moan because I can't say the other 32% because, really, no one wants to hear that stuff. My television hero is Karen from Will & Grace because she just said whatever she thought. Did it make her a bitch? Yep. Was she probably half in the bag? Yes! Did I still want to have that characteristic anyway? Oh, even yesser.

But, as we teach our children, words have consequences. So, I keep my yap shut a lot of the time, and then, when I stumble onto another person who is either 1) biting her tongue equally as hard; 2) opting not to take opportunity to shut up, which means there's a chance we take turns being Snarky Bitch; or 3) tells me to "Suck It Fancy" when I DO say something...well, that's a person I have to keep around.

And, that person is Lydia.

It's no secret I have a thing about hugging. I don't love to do it. I WILL, when the kid or need or the occasion or the too fast-moving-person-to-dodge-out-of-it arises, but I'm all about using my words.
  • Subject: In case I don't say it enough...
  •  
  • Or let's be frank...ever. You are amazing. You're funny and a brilliant writer and in all my imaginings there is no one I'd rather do this with than you.
  •  
  • You make me believe. And no one does that. I'm too cynical. Thank you for going on this adventure with me...I would totally hug you, but no.
  •  
  • Love you,
  • Kate

And Lydia is all about hugging...and it's really cool. She hugs kids, grown ups, pets, plants, strangers, people at the grocery store when they pick up something she dropped, bank tellers when she correctly balances her checkbook. And it's for this reason that I send her messages like this when she's in another state. Because she would totally drive to my house and hug me, and then slap me with a sandwich for making her cry. Possibly call me a name. On this particular occasion, I was 1 for 4. The out of town part helped:
  • Subject: re: In case I don't say it enough...
  •  
  • Shut up you stupid whore, because you're making me cry. Again. I couldn't do any of this without you. I would be all sad and snarky and all by myself.
  •  
  • You're the whole enchilada: hilarious, observant, irreverent, talented, whip smart, fabulous, supportive, *awesome*. So thank you. I would be so lost without MommyLand. And you.
  •  
  • Sniffle.
  • Lydia Bennet Wickham Coupon 
It's a strange thing to think I may have never been friends with her. Nor her with me. McLovin will come downstairs at the end of the night and see me at my desk, typing away, laughing to myself and drinking a glass of wine. He said something about how much I seemed to enjoy the blog...I nodded and smiled and told him that I did. He said, "I'm glad it makes you happy...and how is Mrs. Coupon today?"

Mrs. Coupon. She's awesome. Today and all the time.
  • Subject: re: re: In case I don't say it enough...
  •  
  • You made me cry. Now I have to punch you. Monkey balls...oh, and you smell, but not like enchiladas...
  •  
  • xoxo Kate
  •  
  • P.S. Mmmmm...enchiladas.
I'm texting her...again...I think there's a chance her phone might explode. Even yesser.

xoxo Kate 

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010

17 comments:

  1. So wonderful.

    So lucky.

    To have a funny friend.

    The world is short on funny people.

    xo

    ReplyDelete
  2. If only we could all have a friend like that! So awesome, both of you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. After I got married and had my son I lost a lot of my friends. Some still come by when it suits their mood, but they don't seem to get I can't just run off into the wild blue to do stuff. I've only got one friend still that I've known since middle school. She's moved to FL but we still manage to keep in touch at least once a month. I have a few mommy friends. If you want to call them that, but they have A LOT of drama I'm just not interested in being a part of. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one like that.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You're lucky to have each other. Hope your friendship withstands the teen years, menopause, and bad choices. Most of mine have, but those that haven't, broke my heart.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You guys make me want to throw up. In a good way. I am so jealous of your friendship... can I say that out loud? I have no mommy friends in real life. How sad am I? Every time I meet another mommy I feel this crazy needy lady climb into my throat and want to say things like "PLEASE BE MY FRIEND I NEED A FRIEND PLEASE DEAR GOD BE MY FRIEND" which would be sad. And pathetic. So I say things like "Well, I'm pretty busy so...."

    Ugh. You make me want to throw up. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Your "finding each other" gives me hope...

    ReplyDelete
  7. I totally stole the smelly pirate hooker photo for my siggy. Love it!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. So did "Lydia" and "Kate" come from Lydia and Kitty Bennet from Pride or Prejudice? Or just "Lydia"? Hmmmm.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Totally get this post! Especially about Mommy-friends. When we moved to the mid-west from California and I tried to strike up a conversation with another mom watching their ever-so-adorable child play with mine, they would look at me like, "You're not from here, are you." And that would be it.

    ReplyDelete
  10. It's funny because I'm a hugger and I like to give people who don't like to hug what I call "hug therapy"... Kinda because I think everyone should hug and kinda as a backhanded way to be a B@*#% to the people who don't want to hug me... cause I'm evil like that:) ahahaha

    ReplyDelete
  11. For years I have wished and worked for the blessing of a mom friend. Alas, I'm a convenience to most in the valley I live in ... at their convenience. I've met lots of moms, but there isn't the symbiotic relationship because they already have it with their family, their longtime friends or because they're not sure what I can do for them. Sad. Being just an item on their calendar when their kid needs a playdate with my son just sucks. So I live vicariously by your relationship with each other. You are too funny!

    ReplyDelete
  12. So jealous... maybe someday I'll find the Lydia to my Kate.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Wow. More than the post itself, I love the comments- particularly from Law Mom- that's EXACTLY how I feel. I didn't have close friends before, because of a lot of moving and being in school/work with all men who would leave me out of their social things b/c of their wives or girl friends, but now I've really got no one beyond my husband. I have a couple friends who are wonderful people but with whom I have nothing in common and don't live near, and I desperately want a person to be close to outside of my family. And I want one of those for my husband, too, who is in the same predicament. It makes both of us grumpy and lonely and we take it out on each other sometimes. I just hope we fix it and find similarly needy, interesting, smart, fabulous parents to befriend before we end up taking it up on our daughter....

    ReplyDelete
  14. So, Lydia Bennett totally makes sense as an alter ego but where does Kate come from?

    ReplyDelete
  15. I am soo in your shoes Law Momma... I lost a close "friend" after having my son because she told me I had "changed." Really? I can't imagine why--I just pushed another human out of my vagina that now I am totally responsible for every single thing that he eats, drinks, breathes & poops out & everything else for at least the next 18 yrs so I can't imagine why you would feel that I have changed. Effin' duh! We should totally start a support group for "Mommies Only!" LOL

    ReplyDelete
  16. You are both lucky, lucky women...Here's to best friends!
    Liz

    ReplyDelete

ShareThis

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Popular Posts