Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Open Letter(s) to People Who Hate Kids

Dear People Who Hate Kids,

Please rethink your kid-hating status.  We should be friends.  We have more in common than you think.  But you need to chill out just a teeny, weeny bit.  If you can do that and take a few minutes to read this letter, than I promise to do everything I can to socialize my children so that they do not annoy you in public places. 

I met one of you recently, while shopping with my kids.  I know my stroller is big and the aisles are narrow.  But that was no excuse for some skinny whore lady in Michael Kors to demand I get my stroller out of her way and then kick it when I didn't move it fast enough to suit her.  She kicked the stroller with my child in it.  She could have very easily walked around me.  Or waited ten more seconds.  And though I wanted to square up and kick her in the taco that would not have a proportional response or modeling good behavior for my children, who are all too inclined towards kicking people in the junk anyway.  This woman was obviously in the middle of a vintage 1965 snit, had her B on and was not about to move one inch for one more fat suburban mom with her snotty kids and enormous stroller.  But no matter how pissy she was feeling it does not excuse what she did. 

But karma is a snitch because I saw her in the parking lot, getting screamed at by someone she had nearly backed over.  And that someone was large, angry woman who looked like she was in the throes of an even bigger snit then the stroller kicker.  It looked like it might come to blows and my money was on the woman she nearly ran over, who was a raging B is there ever was one - probably with good reason.

Dear Stroller-Kicker with Impulse Control Problems,

Do you think I enjoy shopping with three children?  I would rather get vajazzled than go to Target with all of my kids.  But I need diapers and a wine cube so we are going anyway.  And how about not kicking my stoller with my kid in it?  Or almost committing vehicular homicide in the parking lot because you're in a crappy mood?  Get yourself a t-box and tap it.  Or dial back the caffeine.

xo, Lydia

Just as I was recovering from my experience, I saw on Yahoo headlines this thing about a restaurant in Carolina Beach, NC that posted the following sign:

According to the article, the sign went up and now business is booming.  Don't believe me?  Google it.  I mentioned all this to the Cap'n and he reminded me of an article that was published last spring in the Washington Post that caused a big sensation. It was all about how in certain neighborhoods in the city, there's conflict between families with young children and the urban hipsters, who don't really want to deal with children or strollers or diapers or any of it. 

For example, there are problems between people who bring their kids to play at the park and people who bring their dogs to play at the park. When a parent complained that a dog was jumping on their toddler, they were told to keep their kid in the fenced-in area of the playground. When an urban planner tried to blog about the need for families to get around the city on public transportation, the comments were so virulently nasty about babies and strollers on buses that the blog's moderator had to shut it down. And apparently, the idea that there are people out there who just don't want to deal with kids and feel hostile that they're forced to, is still causing a stir because now some political magazine just a wrote a piece based on the Washington Post article.

So this whole kid-hating thing is now everywhere?

I'll be the first to admit that I have moments where other people's kids make me nutso.  Especially whining and tantrums.  But I am able to tune it out better than most (thanks to a vigorous seven-and-a-half-year desensitization program).  Often I'm also relieved that the tantrum in progress is not being perpetrated by one of my own offspring.  On the rare occasion (bi-annual) when I am able to go out alone with the Cap'n, I am not super thrilled if I have to deal hearing someone else's screaming toddler.  But I only get annoyed if the parents seem not to care that their kiddo is being disruptive.  Sometimes they don't and that is not cool.

Here's a little story to illuminate: When the Cap'n and I were on vacation in Amish Paradise, he stepped out to the hotel's bar to grab us a couple of drinks and bring them back to the room.  It was 10:30 at night and our kids were passed out and snoring.  He stayed at the bar for a little while, watching ESPN and chatting with people and when he returned he told me all about the Jackholes.  They had just driven in from NJ, checked into the hotel, gone to the bar and then let their little kids fall asleep in arm chairs next to the bar while they sat there drinking.  Everyone else there was disgusted and when one of the kids woke up sand started crying, the bartender said something and the parents got all huffy.

Dear Parents From NJ Who Make All of Us Look Bad,

Just in case you wondering, taking your four year old twins to a bar and tucking them into a chairs next to the pool table maybe isn't the nicest way to have a wholesome family vacation.   Next time, why not leave them at their grandparents?  Otherwise they're going to come home from vacation knowing how to hit a combo and asking for whiskey sours.  And yo - I'm from NJ.  Why do you have to have to at like that?  Now we all look like Jackholes.  Way to represent.  If I see you again, I'm getting your kids these shirts.  And yes, mine already have them.

xo, Lydia

If all parents acted like that, I could understand the stroller kicker's behavior a little better.  I also understand that it must be frustrating to deal with other people's noise and taking up too much room and generally being inconsiderate furckwads.  In my neighborhood, the people that are noisy, inconsiderate, take up all the parking, let their pit bulls run around off-leash and set off fireworks at 3 am are all childless and in their twenties.  Does this entitle me to hate all people who are young and don't have kids?  No!  Just the d-bags

And do you not see the irony?  The Michael Kors lady objected to something (a stroller not moving fast enough) so she lost her temper and kicked it.  She nearly hit someone with her car and instead of asking if they were OK, she flew off the handle and started screaming at them.  I think these behaviors could be accurately described as having a tantrum.   So she hates kids but she behaves like a two year old. 

And the parents who have kids and then ignore them, let them run wild, bring them to totally inappropriate places and then complain when people ask them to be responsible and courteous?  Usually, they'll throw out a "You don't get it because you don't have kids" comeback or some such nonsense.  So they act like childless, feckless, twenty-somethings and then pull out the "But I'm a Parent" card when they are confronted.

I don't want to deal with any of these people and I bet you don't either.  The last thing I want is to be one of these jackholes.  See - we have more in common than you think.  Truce?

xo, Lydia

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010


  1. truce. no. all baby~stroller~kickers should be kicked out of the country and sent to, to. um, to Bolivia. see, just SEE what they do to baby~stroller~kickers down THERE! humph.

    maybe with just the ONE young one
    "but i am gonna be 5 next turdsday mommy, can't we buy it now"
    "actually, its two weeks away and no"

    living in a smaller, more rural community, i don't tick others off as much. except when the 20 year old is with me. and he is driving. or farting. or randomly moving items on the shelves at walmart. yeah, um, watch out there mommylanders, i have prized photos of my son mooning me. PRIZED.

    like i said, smaller community. no clue what michael kors is. pls someone explain. i hate to goggle, even tho, technically, i have a google account. is it like a Claire's?? and don't make fun of me behind my back because I am almost 40 and STILL live in West Virginia, its own state, BTW.

    but boy those walmart buggies, u know, the racecar ones, i won't even go do an isle if i see someone with one. i head in the opposite direction and buy stuff i didn't come to buy. but there are usually 5 kids crammed in one with mom and dad not maintaining control because they don't at home, ergo, doesn't happen in store. and if they can both SHOP can one not STAY HOME WITH THE KIDS?!?!

    and yeah, i live rural, small community, i mean, we have a DuPont dumping suds in the Ohio and all the happy normal garbage but what is a michael kors? and don't make fun of my backwoods 40 yr old a$$, cuz, well, i will kick your baby's stroller. well, don't make fun of me behind my back, anyhow.

  2. About 15 years ago, before I was a mom, my husband and I were out with my cousin and a couple that she knew. We were walking in Manhattan and a mother and child passed us, and the child was crying...not screaming...just crying. My cousin's friend pointed and said, "reason #715 why you shouldn't have kids." Needless to say, I was disgusted and never saw those people again.

  3. It's funny you mention the discord between hipsters and parents who don't want to give up their hipster way of life, but want to still feel "cool" and live with their families in the city, because that is HUGE in my area. The disdain for families is huge and while I don't have (or hate) children, it makes visitors (like myself) very uncomfortable. I can understand both sides, though.

    For the record, I am not a child hater, I am a "zoned out, life-is-so-hard, you-wouldn't-understand, it-takes-a-village, everyone-deserves-to-feel-special parent" disliker.

  4. In Greenville SC there is a restarant that actually has different areas for those with kids/those without kids. Although I used to think it was clever and a great idea, now that I am in the first section, I find myself blatantly giving that section the evil eye as I pass by in a jealous rage. Yes, the kids are loud. Yes, they make terrible messes (twins) and yes screaming IS a part of dinner. But sometimes it thrills me to watch those people sitting beside me looking on in horror...because I can see their future and they. just. have. no. idea. HA.

  5. And let's not forgot thos who do NOT have children but feel the need to tell you how to parent and everything you're doing wrong every. single. last. chance. they. get.

    Good thing that B didn't kick my stoller with my precious child it in 'cause I am that special kind of crazy....

  6. I used to think I hated kids, but I was so wrong. It wasn't the wild children I hate. It's the parents of the wild children I hate! When I'm out somewhere trying to enjoy a quiet few minutes I do not need a little Chuckie doll coming up and kicking me in my shins - but I understand if things happen - you cannot control your children all the time. What will make me LIVID is if the parent does not make his or her little Chuckie doll apologize to me for kicking me. Or even worse - if that parent stays fully engrossed in texting their friends and can't even notice that little Chuckie is being a db.

  7. Boy did this strike a chord. I lived in NYC 10 years and while I personally can't imagine raising a kid there because my lazy a@@ does not want to carry a stroller up that many steps, I still have respect for the parents who are working it out, urban-style. I find it hilarious this entitled "cities are for the hipsters" attitude, like somehow historically there have never been children in Manhattan. Hey, there used to be livestock in Manhattan (still is in my old neighborhood if you count the chickens on the fire escape) so you people should just be damn happy you don't have to walk around a donkey cart on the way to work, let alone a stroller or ten.

    Jerkholes are everywhere, some are parents and some are childless, but most folks are just trying to get along whether it's the mom with three kids in the cart desperately cruising for a t-box and diapers or that 30-something on the airplane who puts on noise canceling headphones and gets loaded instead of bitching about the crying children. Most people are trying as best they can and a little civility will go a long way. Civility and buying drinks for your childless seatmate on the airplane. I know this from experience.

    Urban (and other parents) stop making us look bad by acting like someone held a gun to your head and made you have kids. Unless that actually happened and in that case, I'm sorry.

    For all the stroller kickers out there, here's a thought.I applaud your choice not to procreate. Clearly there is a nasty streak in your gene pool that ought not to be propagated and your choice to make the world a better place by not increasing your biological carbon footprint, well that is okay by me. However, just a thought for the child whose stroller you are kicking. Like it or not, this is who will be taking care of you when you're older. That's right, drink it in. His taxes will pay into your social security, his work will keep the economy going, his votes will determine the political future of your world. Scared yet? Consider also if you have no family that at some point, some mother's son or daughter other than your own will be the only person left to wipe your bum or dress you or feed you. It doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes a damn village to get all of us from cradle to grave, so lighten up. The stroller you kick today may hold the person who will be running your country tomorrow so ponder how you would like to impact that life.

    1. Hear hear! Totally reading your Blog now! Your reply was spot on, witty and well written...

  8. Just remember, everyone was a kid once. Can't you just see that lady as a 2 year old? Feel bad for her mother! And I have kids, and I hate the parents who don't discipline their kids, or bring them places they shouldn't. I'm sick of spending far too many nights at home, but I wouldn't dare bring my kids out to a place they don't belong!

  9. I seriously hate people like that... I have a stroller kicker story for you - I was in BABIES R US when my son was an infant. He was in his stroller sound asleep and some nut job crashed into my infant's stroller with her shopping cart sending him flying down the aisle. After chasing him down, checking to make sure he was OK, I totally lost it on her. Her response? "Oh there was a baby in there?" Yeah, lady, you are in BABIES R US there are lots of strollers with babies in them. After that she said "Well, he didn't wake up, so I guess its OK." WHAT?!?!?! Are you effin kidding me??? I had store employees restraining me, it almost got very ugly...

  10. I live in a big city and will sometimes take the train with my 3 little ones, so I can relate to the dirty looks from the "hipsters" who are SO annoyed and inconvenienced by my huge stroller and children constantly talking/laughing/being kids. I find the younger men in their 20's to be the worst(sorry, but true).

    Someone once commented that children and seniors are the only groups in our population still treated like second-class citizens, and I believe it.

    And all of the child-haters in my life? Dropped because I just don't have time for selfish people.

  11. This reminds me of a time I was in line at the airport with my (perfectly behaved-seriously!) 2 year old standing in line next to two 40 somethings having a meltdown about how long the line was taking. I'm just enough of a B that after 15 minutes of it, I pointed out how much better behaved my 2 year old was than them:)

  12. I don't hate kids, I hate parents. Teaching for so long I realized that it's PARENTS not kids who are awful (Case in point: Parents from Jersey) When HH and I get to go out we don't take the kids and have a really hard time going anywhere that young children are present. We make a point to keep our children quiet and occupied when we go out to eat, others should do the same. If you can't keep them quiet in a steakhouse perhaps take them some where a bit more child friendly, kwim?!?! Ugh.

  13. My stepmonster tells the hostess at the restaurant she does not like kids so do not seat her near any. (While my daughters are in tow) Can you imagine how mortified we are?
    Also after battling a raging migraine off and on for a week, I finally went to urgent care yesterday. This lady comes in with her 13 month old who literally throws a fit the entire time, which was 2 hours. Do I get all pissy and go off on her? No, I understand and feel bad for the mom who is not feeling well and could not find a sitter for her child. Have some compassion people, kids are beautiful miracles. Remember you were once a child and obviously acted far worse than the kids you're pissed at.

  14. I think all of us parents get a bad rap for the few that don't actually parent. They seem to be ingrained in everyone else's mind when they think of children. Not all kids are screaming little monsters. Some children are actually able to go out into public places and BEHAVE. Amazing really!

    I remember one time we took our kids to an expensive steakhouse because it was on the end of the mall right where Santa was supposed to come in for his grand entrance. We got a good steak and the kids got to see win! There were a few other people with kids there, but mostly couples. We had several waiters come over to tell us how well behaved our kids were. Some others in the restaurant? Notsomuch.

  15. I think I get more distressed by my own active two year kidwho just does not get the concept of good behavior yet, than other people. Stacy, I hope one day she can be as well behaved as yours so I can enjoy dinners outside again.
    I recently got to go to our favorite sushi restaurant without kid though, and even though she often causes uproars the staff kept asking me about her and to bring her back next time :)
    Surprisingly, I'm in NYC. There are gems everywhere!

  16. I soooo admire Lydia's restraint. If someone kicked my stroller, I think I'd kick her stupid head. (If I could manage the execute a high kick with my post-four-baby body.) Unreal. It sounds Like Karma did a fine job though!

    I agree that, if your kids aren't behaving in a public place, you need to step in and parent them. But sometimes kids melt down at places like, oh, Walmart, and sometimes it's nice if the people around can be compassionate enough to understand and maybe give the overwhelmed mom a sympathetic smile. Or chocolate.

  17. Great post! I fly alone with my kids A LOT (far from all family, they have more frequent flyer miles than most adults I know). I spend days planning all of the "things" to take in their backpacks to keep them busy on the TWO (yes, we always have a layover) flights. This last time, while we were patiently waiting to get off the plane, the older people stood up behind us and commented that they didn't even know there were kids sitting there! Good job mom. :-) I appreciated the comment, but really it just takes a little advanced planning and plane rides don't have to be torture. I actually read. a. book. Yep. First time. (kids are 7 and 3 now, but we've survived every stage with them...EVERY.) Have I had the horrible plane rides? you betcha. when my son was 18 months, I was sitting next to a younger man. Son finished off his bottle of pediasure (orders from doc, I was not on board with it), and within seconds he threw it up all over me. this was our first flight of two. 30 minutes into the flight. I had several changes of clothes for him. NONE for me. I handed his to the flight attendant, went into the bathroom and cried with trying to mop myself off. When I came back, the young man had cleaned off my seat! I cried again. And was ever so grateful. I also made sure my parents had a stiff drink waiting for me when I arrived. That was more important than a shower at that point. ;-)

  18. I had an experience like this recently too. We have some neighbors who consider themselves hipsters, I guess, who have been nothing but rude to use for the 3.5 years we've lived here. I try to say hello. They sneer in my direction. Two weeks ago, a friend of mine parked near the woman's parking spot. Not in her spot, mind you, just close to it. My friend's car was only in the parking spot for about 45 seconds while they picked up their kids from my house, yet it happened to be the 45 seconds the neighbor came home. She whipped her brand new Mini Cooper around my friend's car, and rammed her own trash cans, sending them flying within a foot of my husband and kids. She and my husband exchanged some words. I went over to try to be civil a few minutes later after getting my husband and kids in the house. I was informed, after hearing a list of things that bothered her, that for my information, she just really doesn't like kids. They really annoy her. Listen lady, if you can't handle other people, don't live in an urban area full of close-together townhomes! AND....If you ever come that close to injuring my children again, I'm going to be forced to kick your skinny-jeans-wearing ass. Jackhole.

  19. Hmm, I applaud your control. Had I been in Target, and had my stroller been kicked by an adult for any reason..... not sure I could have held it together as well as you did.
    Very observant to realize that bitter child haters truly have the maturity of a child themselves (two is a very accurate age.)

  20. Thank you for this!!! The one that really gets me going is the ever-controversial babies on planes debate. People without kids act like people with kids are just there to make their lives miserable, and I've read countless comments on various internet outlets about how planes should be made child-free and other nonsense. Sorry, but I must have missed the memo that having children rendered both them and myself 5th class citizens.

  21. I carry toys and crayons in my purse at all times, not just for my kids but for other people's kids, too. It's come in really handy at places like the DMV, Social Security office, airports, airplanes, etc. The parents are always grateful for the distraction and the kindness. Maybe we should all do this?

  22. Oh, I love this post and all the comments. And I would have round house kicked the stroller kicker in the face, at least with my dazzling choice of words if not my actual legs and feet, regardless of karma's later intervention. Screw proper behavior modeling for my stroller-bound child (or in my case, children--I have 17 month old twins who do not deserve to be kicked!), the stroller kicker committed an assault, end of story, and she should be held accountable. In the bigger picture, which everyone is so kind to point out here, I think the idea of everyone tucking some crayons or small toys in a purse is a fun one--doesn't have to be a lot, just a distraction. Fine idea! Thanks for the post, mommylanders, I enjoy this blog so much!

  23. I can't even tell you how much this saved my sanity today - we've been in LA for 5 weeks and our duplex-neighbor is a 20something girl who wants me to restrict my 16 month old to her high chair until 8am because the noise of her moving around is too much. After yet another conference with the landlord where I explain that we have a toddler, I'm kind of done with trying to be accommodating to the hipster. grrr. Thanks for writing this. I may stick it in her mailbox.

  24. I am fascinated by this "vajazzled" term. What does it mean!? No matter, I plan to use it daily!

    Thank you!

  25. anyone who might think about kicking a stroller must have anger issues and could have easily kicked the child inside. No excuses. I'm a mother of 3 with # 4 on the way. Any public place is just that its for all of us. My family once had a run in with an older couple at a restaurant we had only 1 at the time and she got upset about her drink being gone so the old man turned around and said shut her up I lost it I'm my most stern but very loud voice I said if you don't like the noise then you should of stayed home my family has just as much right to be here . To me the worst part was of all the kids in the place it was my little girl that got his hostility not the sreaming kids next to his table sigh.

  26. children need to learn how to act and behave in public and can not do so if they are not given the opportunity . It is to bad that not all people see it that way.

  27. First, I would've kicked the ass of the stroller kicker right there in the Target aisle. Since you said she was thin, I bet I could've easily taken her down, so I would've done that. That's modeling good whip-ass behavior for my kids ... but I'm from Georgia and may be slightly skewed towards the redneck.

    Second, I think I'm more of a "kid hater" now that I have two of my own than before. I work very hard to teach my daughter how to act in public, and I discipline her firmly when she doesn't do it, and it makes me mad when I see other parents who do not put in the effort. Now, the parents who are trying to contain the kid and the kid won't cooperate? Sure, we've all been there a time or two... I feel for you. But the parents who are completely oblivious or - worse - find their kids' terrible behavior cute? Ugh.

  28. OMG Lydia! You rock for staying so calm! Like Katie Jones I'm from the south (Alabama) & my redneck would have definitely come out all over her self absorbed a$$! I think that's the biggest problem with our society today, people are too self absorbed to have any patience or courtesy for their fellow man, mom or kid. I have a saying I usually recite about 10 times a day in the car alone (like when a Hipster is too busy texting to drive like a sane person!)& my kids now recite it as well it's:"Well excuse me! It's YOUR world, I'm just living in it!", it's a way to blow off steam without letting "the redneck" out or teaching my girls new fun words to say. Kids -like most adults I know- have good days & bad days. Sometimes I can get thru an entire trip to the grocery store without giving the stink eye even once, other days I swear someone's going to call DHR because I've been riding my kids like Seabiscuit from the door thru checkout to just act normal! I agree that I do get VERY aggravated when the parents do absolutely nothing. But, for those who try, I usually (like other normal parents), am just glad it's not mine at that moment & sympathize & keep my fingers crossed for them. Now one thing that really tries to pull "the redneck" out of me -- parents who want everyone in a ten mile radius to know that they are disciplining their kids. They are usually the ones who talk to their 3 yr old like she's 13 and yell & act WORSE than the kid! I think it's for attention,imagine what they were like as a child-yikes! To the "child haters/stroller kickers" out were a kid once too, imagine someone treating YOUR mom the way you treat mothers (parents) out there, you'd want to beat their a$$ too, admit it.So why not get your head out of, well you know where, and practice a little compassion & understanding for your fellow human being, old & young. Or don't, & just lay awake nights in your nursing home wondering if Karma is real. And Lydia, I lived in northwest NJ for over 4 years, I know from personal experience that most people in NJ are great people. Thanks for letting me rant, Karen

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  30. Not only am I laughing out loud at your post but also at the comments and I'm probably going to wake up my 3 year old from her nap (which she is taking in her bed, not in a bar). :)

    Great post. I get so mad at people who think that they shouldn't have to deal with kids (like kids aren't people) and equally mad at parents who don't take care of their kids. I have to say, that though I love animals, I get mad when people think that pets are more important than people too.

  31. As I read the blog post and ALL of the comments, I couldn't help but imagine all of the ways I would have hurt that woman. I mean, you could grab all of her hair, or just a few strands so they would rip out. You could punch her in the face. You could kick her in the back. Oh the ways to wipe the floor with her. My kids are teen now, so we are kind-of past this point, but a few years ago in Virginia, a very tall and scary looking man got in my daughters face because he tripped over her... not looking where he was going. I lost my marbles not only on him, but the manager who tried to quiet me. How day he tell me to be quiet when my child had been verbally attacked. I was so mad that I could take on everyone in the store.

  32. If someone kicked a stroller with my child in it I would have beat that bitch down. The nerve of some people. I understand that not everyone wants kids, but they don't have to be so rude. I have no respect for the childfree idiots of the world.

  33. I think they should just have kid farms. You could take your girlfriend there for the afternoon, pat them on the head, and feed them some mushy food and then go home to the peace and quiet of your nice clean home!!

  34. my husband and i are not "kid people", but hopefully this woman (and others like her) haven't given us all a bad name. i don't enjoy badly behaved children in public (or badly behaved adults), but i tend to just stay out of the way and let their parents do the parenting. i'm sure they have enough to handle without someone who doesn't have kids being rude on top of it all. i have to say though, it does drive me crazy sometimes how unaware people are of others (parents and non-parents alike). blocking up the aisles with shopping carts and not noticing when someone needs to get by-- oy! but, i just find a different aisle and come back when they've moved on.

    i don't want to have kids, but i love the humor of your site! i wish all parents looked at their kids and parenthood in such a realistic and amusing way. it's so refreshing!

  35. Oh I just have to add mine on to this list.
    I was VERY pregnant with my second child and had went to my local resale shop to get DD clothes. This shop has clothes a dollar a bag, one day a week. Anyway my DD had asked if she could have a toy and I said yes. So she picked out the one she wanted and was carrying it, when this other little girl comes up and says "I want that, give it" while pointing and trying to take the toy my DD has. I quickly intervene before DD has a meltdown and tell the little girl that "no, you can't have that I gave it to her to carry" in that special nice voice reserved for unknown kids. I REALLY did not feel like a kid meltdown, even if it was not my own. Anyway, girl's mom was standing right there and heard me tell her no and in turn yelled at me for telling her kid no.
    uuummm ok???
    I was a first time mom so was not sure what the problem was, still don't get what the problem was. my second is very active and have had LOTS of people tell him no. It doesn't bother me unless it was not needed (he is not going to take something if he tells your child he has one like it at home) even then don't say too much unless it upsets him.
    Did she really think that I was just going to let her child take something that was already spoken for?? That would be like taking something out of someones cart while they were shopping or in the checkout line (which i would say was stealing) just my opinion.

    Thanks for letting me vent and for a great site.

  36. I completely agree with every thing you said. I think most child haters are shallow and prejudiced. Shallow because they only look on the surface; they can't accept children have personalities and they think they are 'things' that cry and scream. They are prejudiced because they think all children are the same. They call children 'parasites' which is really what annoys me. They don't understand love. I accept not all people want to have children, and indeed not everybody has to, but I think it is wrong to hate children. Terribly wrong. Child haters are the ones who are immature and selfish, not the innocent children who they so willingly pick on! I felt really angry just reading how that evil woman kicked your shopping trolley whilst your child was in it; she surely must have had anger issues and indeed, she behaved just like a two year old! Child haters have no respect for children's feelings; they don't care because they are under 18, and they judge people because of their age. I really just can't stand child haters, as I think they are judgemental, prejudiced, selfish, shallow and immature.

  37. I Googled, "How people who dislike kids can get along with people who have kids." This article was one of many that came up. After reading through the comments, I think I must REALLY be a minority. I don't dislike kids because some kids are loud. (I have always loved dogs and some dogs are quite disruptive.) I understand that a child's outburst is usually NOT a reflection of bad parenting...Quite the opposite. I also have no problem sharing public space with children.

    I dislike children (and many people that have children) because of what they represent. When someone chooses to have a child, they begin taking time away from investing in themselves. Most people don't have the means to hire round-the-clock help...Nor would they want to. It saddens me that so many people do not live up to their full potential and then begin a never-ending cycle of shattered-potential generation after generation.

    So often I think of all the things I could be doing. (Learning a new language or musical instrument, exercising, reading...The list is endless and I'm never satisfied.) All of these things that as a childless person, I will simply never have time to accomplish in a lifetime. And I wonder...All of the people out there having kids and worrying over money, all the emotional responsibility that comes with ensuring your offspring grow to be happy, productive & insightful members of the community AND selflessly stunting their own growth and potential to accomplish that end...It saddens me.

    That's why I dislike children. That's why I can't relate to parents. I'm not a "Hater" or mean spirited or simply "Young." I'm a women in my mid thirties who mourns the death of "Potential" all around me.

    And if your response is something like, "Having a child IS my greatest joy/accomplishment/use of my potential because the investment in my kids is my gift to this world." I ask you...Didn't your parents feel that way too? Is it possible that they are disappointed that YOU didn't become something great? Or at least, TRY...Because they gave up on their lives to invest in YOU.

    Again...Just another point of view. People who dislike children are not necessarily overly sensitive to noise or unreasonable, angry people.


  38. Another childfree person here to give the note from the other side of the fence.

    I expect to share public space with kids at Wal-Mart, Chili's, Publix, etc. Normal day to day places. It happens and I try to go during the few off hours when there aren't kids. My only sister is 14 years my junior, I've played the wrangle small children game enough to understand it. For the most part, it doesn't bother me, I can go somewhere else. What does bother me is the same parents you disdain, those that the kids run crazy and bother everyone and everything. But it's part of life, some days I can handle it better than others just like every other person out there. We all have bad days.

    What DOES bother me is going to see a PG-13 or R movie at a 9pm showing and people bringing their children under 10 in them. My husband and I specifically go to the movies that late to avoid the children (although why someone would be bringing toddlers and infants and preschool aged children to a PG-13 or R rated movie is beyond me.). We have paid money for our seats, with the price of movie tickets it's pretty much blood money at this point. The kid under 2 was free. I understand you want to see the movie, but a sitter or some other option can be done. Maybe a matinee on the weekend? Because when your child starts screaming, talking non-stop, bouncing back and forth between seats and generally being a nuisance, it really does ruin the experience of going to the movies. I'm sure it doubly ruins it for those parents who got a sitter and were trying to get a date night without those same squeals.

    Another issue for me is the bar area. My husband and I generally try to sit in the bar. We understand that sounds echo and it won't be peaceful completely, but it generally means I won't have to deal with kids standing up, asking questions, throwing things, etc, in the booth attached to ours. It's the bar area, meaning it really should be the adult area. So why are you bringing your toddlers and kids to the bar area to sit and eat when you aren't even ordering an adult beverage?

    My biggest issue is that mothers especially don't respect my decision to be childfree willingly. Always it's, "Different when they're your own."; "Who's going to take care of you when you're older?" (go to any nursing home and you'll discover you still end up alone 75% of the time); "But kids are wonderful!" and any more number of platitudes that parents tell themselves when they're at whits end. The kickers, "You won't know love til you have kids" (Well I'm married, I love my husband); "You're not a real woman unless you have kids." (my plumbing says different). I couldn't imagine a woman saying that to an infertile woman trying to have kids, so why is it ok to say that to me?

    If I am trying to be patient, understanding and accommodating, please give me the same in return. Yes I am being selfish by not having kids, but do you know that my husband and I have over 30 animals? We enjoy rescuing them. They are our kids. Because we do not have kids we are able to do those type of things and afford it. We only have to sacrifice stuff for us, not for any children. Beans and rice for a week? No biggie. With kids that becomes a whole different concern.

    As for the exhaustion factor, I work full time, I go to school at night, we have a farm. I have spent plenty of nights with no sleep either with a sick animal who needs round the clock care or I have an exam and need to study. When I get home it's generally past 9PM and there are still chores to be done. So don't assume that all of us are getting to go home, kick shoes off and have a few drinks while enjoying a clean house. 5 inside animals keeps our house in a constant state of chaos and two working people means there is very little time for cleaning.

    I am glad to see so many women who actually do care about their kids and love them. Children are important. They just aren't for everybody.

  39. For ther person that likes the word vejazzaling, read the first ad, I missed it the first time around.

  40. For the person who likes the vejazzaling word, read the first ad, the one I missed the first time around. Yeah.

    Great article and comments




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