Friday, September 3, 2010

Top Ten Signs That Summer is Over

No matter what the calendar says, or when school starts, or how hot is is... After this weekend the summer is over.  Here are the signs that you let know for certain...

10. The brand new flip-flops that you bought at Old Navy at the beginning of the summer for a dollar are now as thin as Lindsay Lohan's hair -- or career...too soon?

9. In June you were dying for a break from being overscheduled and now your kids are tv addicts and you're all: "those little monsters need a schedule like Ryan Seacrest needs to grow a foot.  And a pair."

8. We drive past the school and the kids don't scream out -- to the building -- "Nyah Nyah! We don't have to go there! Neener Neener Neee-Ner!"

7. All the good babysitters have selfishly gone back to college, leaving you unable to see Eat, Pray, Love or get a much needed pedicure.  Those girls need to get their priorities straight.  Higher learning is over-rated.    

6. While folding laundry, you start a pile of too small shorts and T-shirts, realizing that the dreaded seasonal clothes migration is right around the corner. Damn you, Randy the Laundry Fairy. Damn you to hell.

5. The kids start looking at the Ice Cream Man like he really is the creepy dude who meanders through their neighborhood every. mur. thur. fur. kin. day. And, if you happen to mention a Dora the Explora popsicle, they all turn a little green.

4.  "Do you want too play outside?" No. Outside is boring. "Do you want to play downstairs?" No. Downstairs is boring.  "Why don't you play in your room?" No. My room is even the boringest. "Is there anything in our house that's not boring?" No. Then proceeds to give the entire house, toys, DVD's, crafts and games a weary, turdish once-over that makes Kristin Stewart look animated and enthusiastic.

3. You say "Who wants to go to the pool?" and get six eyes staring back at you, completely vacant.

2. Your kids are so sick of each other's company that their first words when they wake up in the morning are not "good morning" or "what's for breakfast" or "sorry, I peed the bed" but rather: "GET OUT OF MY ROOM."

1. Christmas decorations at Target.

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010

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