Monday, September 27, 2010

Weekly News Wrap-Up from Mommyland

Kate and I live in a world where people expect us to know what's going on.  We don't.  Unless Diego and some neutered jaguar decide to throw on a tie and some brill creme and give us the latest global goings-on, we're not going to know anything about it.  So we've decided to put together a little weekly news wrap up of just a couple things. We think this will make you feel better informed, have possible conversations with other people that are not your children AND will give you something witty and clever to say when you go to cocktail parties. Which we never do, so never mind.

Politics: Some lady named O'Donnell won a Senate primary somewhere (Maryland? Delaware? Is there a difference?). This lady is not Rosie O'Donnell, which was what Lydia thought at first until she actually read an article about it because well, Lydia is awkward.  Here's what she learned: Not Rosie is supposed to be like Sarah Palin, so depending on how you feel about her that's either really good or really bad.  Also, she's not a witch.  And she doesn't believe in evolution or masturbation.  But she does hang out with Bill Maher.  Or she used to.  I'm so confused.

World News: This dude is being a dick, again.  Every time he comes to New York he makes us mad.  This time he was at the UN and he did not use his good manners.  Just a little something about how Sepetmber 11th was a big hoax and the we're all a bunch of liars and everyone else in the world hates us.  He's a jackhole who's lucky he made it out of the Big Apple without somebody squaring up on him.  He seemed so much nicer when he was on Perfect Strangers and living with Cousin Larry. 

Oh and we know we're being stupid and picky, but if you're going to have every leader EVER stand in front of the same green marble wall to give speeches, is it too much to ask that the seams aren't visible? Kate really does want to hear what these people are saying but she's way too distracted by the bad marble. Of course, she's also distracted by mirrors. Maybe that's why they all hold something up...to cover the whack marble job.




Election 2010: It seems that there's all this chatter that this guy, John Boehner (R-OH) and please, don't embarass yourself the way Lydia did and call him John BONER, it's pronounced BAY-nor.  [Editor's note: I know how to say it. - Lydia]


He might replace this lady, Nancy Pelosi (D-CA):


as Speaker of the House.

We think there's an easy solution. This guy:



Pop Culture: You may have already heard this but the new Harry Potter movie trailer is out!  Woot!  Also, some 26 year old gajillionaire who invented Facebook was being a damn crybaby because they made a movie about him and he didn't like how he was portrayed.  So he crashed Facebook for a little while so everyone would know what a mature, considerate douchebag he really is. And then he gave $100 million dollars to New Jersey to make their schools better. Oprah gets to announce it.  We hope Snookie is there. After all, she went to high school fairly recently but it seems that (as our pal SRMM would say) her learning fell out.  Maybe it was the bump-its.


Whuck: Katy Perry continues her streak of setting an excellent example for young people except this time did it just with her boobies. In related news, Elmo got to second base.


Hope this helps! We probably just made everything worse.  Seriously, it was not our goal to make everyone who read this as stupid as we are.

xo, Lydia and Kate

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010

26 comments:

  1. I'm barely awake, have one eye open while waiting to put the clothes into the dryer so I can go to bed. Why am I mentioning that? Because I'm too tired to read your latest and greatest, I'll have look forward to it tomorrow morning. So this comment isn't about the post, it's to make sure you know you are now NUMBER FOUR at Babble, baby!

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  2. An excellent summary of the week's happenings. I am a fan of that marble wall, though, I must say. I could stare at it for hours, tilting my head this way and that, brow furrowed, trying to pull hidden clues from its randomness. Bonus: It's not hacked into weird mountains like the idiotic house-flippers did in our kitchen to mimic the Colorado view. Or maybe, if it were, it'd be far less interesting.

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  3. Christine O'Donnell. She was on Politically Incorrect about 20+ times, and once said that she used to be a witch, she doesn't believe in masturbation, and she wouldn't lie to Hitler even to save Anne Frank's life. She's supposed to be a nicer version of Sarah Palin.

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  4. The comparison of Ahmadinejad to the guy that was on Perfect Strangers is AWESOME! I almost spit my coffee on my computer screen.

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  5. AWESOME! Love your blog, especially the comment on Diego reading the news! Years ago, my friend who had four kids suggested all kids' programs should have a ticker that went along the bottom of the screen like CNN so Moms could know the news. I think that they should do that, but make moms able to personalize them. "Today is Thursday. Your kids' names are as follows: John, Amy, Sally, and Ben. John and Amy have soccer at 2pm. Sally goes to the dentist tomorrow. In World news.....":)

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  6. The UN looks like an 80s brothel.

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  7. How does one not belive in masturbation? I mean, it's not like some invisible entity that you have the choice to either believe in or not believe in. Wouldn't it be funny if they tried to outlaw masturbation? Husbands would be grumpy because their b@lls are blue, wives would be grumpy because they have to replace the hand/lotion/shower... OH I can't even think of it.

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  8. Being opposed to masturbation will make anyone witchy after a while.

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  9. My question: why in the name of all that is holy is Katy Perry wearing a dayglo-green tulle CAPE that is BELTED to her dress?! If she's going to wear a Fashion Nightmare Cape (that clashes with her Fashion Nightmare Bridal Veil, but whatever), at least it should be allowed to fly while she runs. I mean, that's *way* worse than jiggling her boobs on Sesame Street.

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  10. Thanks for posting the Katy Perry video (we're both past that at our house and I have a real *thing* about children's "educational" television that where characters do not model correct grammar)

    So, now that I've seen it, I have to say whuck? Really, what is all the controversy over? She's maybe a B cup, and it's not like the dress was strapless (it's sheer to her neck) and really, the people in the wardrobe department didn't provide her with options?

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  11. I could totally support the bottom of the screen ticker idea. That's just an awesome idea. "Your mother in law is angry at you this week because the voices told her you were evil. Science club is Tuesday. It will be cool enough tomorrow for the kids to need sweaters."

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  12. Hey, give Katy Perry a break. She's not in jail/rehab/on Sesame Street selling drugs... or "that's Elmo's purse not mine"... blah blah blah. So she was a couple shakes short of a wardrobe malfunction, at least she wasn't wearing a.) tonight's dinner b.) tiny gay army men hanging from a crucifix or c.) Big Bird's pelt.

    And to Anonymous who suggested a ticker at the bottom of Nick Jr/Disney/PBS etc... brilliant!

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  13. I think John Boehner is kinda hot, and would be much more interesting to look at when watching Congress at work.

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  14. And I think they should have played the candy girl video on Sesame Street. I know it's obscene, but really. Don't we all want to live in a CandyLand like that and wear peppermints on our boobs? I mistakenly let my 5 year old son watch it. Why, you may ask, did I let my 5 year old son watch such an awful video? Because he walked in while I was watching it and was so silent I had no idea he was even there. I've never heard the boy be so quiet. He was completely spellbound. I'm tempted to put it on a DVD loop for road trips.

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  15. I am so much more informed now. I did not know any of these things. Thank you Kate and Lydia for keeping me connected to the world. Oh and Bush is still president right?!?

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  16. Bestestest post ever. Seriously. My hubby (The LT) often complains about that marble, too. It bugs him to no end. Me? I rather like the randomness. He also forces me to watch the news in the morning, with my coffee... I think he's trying to make me a more knowledgeable person. So far its not really working.

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  17. So...Sesame Street decided to NOT play that clip, but they have no problem with the puppets saying, "Drop it like it's hot," and "Booyah!" I find that somewhat disturbing : /

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  18. love reading this blog...it's like my coffee, I have to have my coffee every morning and I have to read this blog.
    Lydia - in other news - In my people magazine the other day there was a whole spread devoted to *gasp* HIGH.HEELED.CLOGS. - yes, you read that right, a whole spread devoted to clogs...when I saw it I thought to myself "Whuck?!" - I have to leave a comment on RFML bc this is too much. I know you may not be a big fan of the high heeled part but hey...they're clogs...and they're FANCY.

    You should buy some for Kate for the holidays...HA.

    XOXOXOOXOXOX from CT

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  19. This cleared up so much for me. Thank you!

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  20. Oh, so THAT's what's been happening. Could you possibly talk to PBS and get them to give the ticker a try? Yeah. I'm in favor. But only if YOU two write the pertinent news for it.

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  21. I'm with you on the seamed-marble-at-the-UN thing. isn't marble tile supposed to be a more economical alternative to one giant slab? was the UN on a budget that day? maybe it was the victim of a Trading Spaces makeover.

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  22. Oh my GOSH, photos of Nancy Pelosi should never be made that big. I think I'm going to have nightmares...

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  23. Took me forever to figure out that that wasn't really the guy from Perfect Strangers!

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  24. I too think that the Sesame Street/Katy Perry thing is rediculous. However, had they not pulled the song, SNL would not have had the awesome skit with Katy Perry in a low-cut Elmo t-shirt!

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  25. I wanted to congratulate you on managing to bring up politics without being offensive while still managing to be funny. (Seriously! That's hard to pull off!) I detest politics, and would just have to cry if my fave mommy blog got all political on me. :)
    As for Katy Perry... I do think what she was wearing wasn't appropriate for kiddos, but then I guess I'm old fashioned.

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  26. Man, Sesame Street is way better than when I was a kid. Did you see NPH as the shoe fairy? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! My brain nearly exploded with joy.

    ...oh, yeah, and, like, politics and stuff. Awesome.

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