Monday, September 27, 2010

Weekly News Wrap-Up from Mommyland

Kate and I live in a world where people expect us to know what's going on.  We don't.  Unless Diego and some neutered jaguar decide to throw on a tie and some brill creme and give us the latest global goings-on, we're not going to know anything about it.  So we've decided to put together a little weekly news wrap up of just a couple things. We think this will make you feel better informed, have possible conversations with other people that are not your children AND will give you something witty and clever to say when you go to cocktail parties. Which we never do, so never mind.

Politics: Some lady named O'Donnell won a Senate primary somewhere (Maryland? Delaware? Is there a difference?). This lady is not Rosie O'Donnell, which was what Lydia thought at first until she actually read an article about it because well, Lydia is awkward.  Here's what she learned: Not Rosie is supposed to be like Sarah Palin, so depending on how you feel about her that's either really good or really bad.  Also, she's not a witch.  And she doesn't believe in evolution or masturbation.  But she does hang out with Bill Maher.  Or she used to.  I'm so confused.

World News: This dude is being a dick, again.  Every time he comes to New York he makes us mad.  This time he was at the UN and he did not use his good manners.  Just a little something about how Sepetmber 11th was a big hoax and the we're all a bunch of liars and everyone else in the world hates us.  He's a jackhole who's lucky he made it out of the Big Apple without somebody squaring up on him.  He seemed so much nicer when he was on Perfect Strangers and living with Cousin Larry. 

Oh and we know we're being stupid and picky, but if you're going to have every leader EVER stand in front of the same green marble wall to give speeches, is it too much to ask that the seams aren't visible? Kate really does want to hear what these people are saying but she's way too distracted by the bad marble. Of course, she's also distracted by mirrors. Maybe that's why they all hold something cover the whack marble job.

Election 2010: It seems that there's all this chatter that this guy, John Boehner (R-OH) and please, don't embarass yourself the way Lydia did and call him John BONER, it's pronounced BAY-nor.  [Editor's note: I know how to say it. - Lydia]

He might replace this lady, Nancy Pelosi (D-CA):

as Speaker of the House.

We think there's an easy solution. This guy:

Pop Culture: You may have already heard this but the new Harry Potter movie trailer is out!  Woot!  Also, some 26 year old gajillionaire who invented Facebook was being a damn crybaby because they made a movie about him and he didn't like how he was portrayed.  So he crashed Facebook for a little while so everyone would know what a mature, considerate douchebag he really is. And then he gave $100 million dollars to New Jersey to make their schools better. Oprah gets to announce it.  We hope Snookie is there. After all, she went to high school fairly recently but it seems that (as our pal SRMM would say) her learning fell out.  Maybe it was the bump-its.

Whuck: Katy Perry continues her streak of setting an excellent example for young people except this time did it just with her boobies. In related news, Elmo got to second base.

Hope this helps! We probably just made everything worse.  Seriously, it was not our goal to make everyone who read this as stupid as we are.

xo, Lydia and Kate

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010

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