Saturday, October 2, 2010

Letter from Offspring #1: Bring on the Bees

We simply can't resist sharing...remember the awesomeness that is Offspring #1? This is what she sent us when we asked her if we could post her letter. If you use your Offspring-to-English translation guide, it says "Yes."

First, here's our note to her: [Editor's Note: OK, Lydia's note to her...Kate was still trying to rid her brain of bees...or trying to name all of them. We're still not sure. - Kate]

Hi Offspring #1!

Lydia here. Waving back! Are we related? Or on the same medication? Because I understood and enjoyed every single tiny little bit of your email and I'm guessing there are not a lot of people in the world who can say that. Or would say that. Can we please post this letter?? It's awesome! And magical. And are you real? You're not made-up, are you? That might sound like a strange question but Kate and I get mails asking us if we're real all. the. time.

Thanks for writing to us and for reading our blog. We love that you're out there being you. Because you're amazing. Tell your mom we said hi!

xoxo, Kate and Lydia

And, here's what we got back. Get ready. Drink handy? OK. Here come the bees...

Heya Lydia!

We could be related! Do you happen to know of many people who act at least half their age and tend to bounce everywhere to the IKEA song? Because I think I'm related to all of them! Or maybe we're just a subspecies? Come and join us! We have reunions! Which is odd because we were never union-ed in the first place. These reunions involve Marshmallows And Fire and also HUMDINGERS! I don't even know what a humdinger is, but it's incredible and it comes to ALL the reunions! It gives the BEST bear hugs and accidentally carries off the occasional child-- OK AND BACK ON TASK

School starts on Friday. I'm stuffed with this attention span. Anyway!

You can post it if you like! But if you do? You might want to work out what to tell the people who tell you to stop talking to the escaped crazy person! I think I might be real! YAY! But if I am actually a figment of your imagination, I'm sorry for whatever the bouncing has done to your brain. I REALLY hope that wasn't valuable because if that's true I can tell you right now, I can pay for that. but you could imagine it more fixed if you liked, so really I didn't break whatever it is I didn't break! I think I confused my own brain.

And you're pretty blimmin' amazing yourself! You made HUMANS. ACTUAL PEOPLE!

And my mum says hi back and looks a bit worried because she can't remember which one of my friends you are. Apparently that's what happens when I randomly shout "MUM! LYDIA SAYS HI!" You can see her flicking through her mental address book. Wish I had one of those! I just pretend to know who people are until they tell me. Or kiss me like my Great-Uncle (I think) Neville did at church and I had no idea who he was. Then you kind of have to admit you have NO IDEA WHATSOEVER, but you're sure they're very nice. And then they tell you and you have to act like you know even if you don't. So then I explained and she says hello and sends a smile.

I think it's housetrained. The smile, I mean.

Have another one to keep it company!

Love and Hugs,
Offspring #1

Oh, and we got a letter from her yesterday that explains "The Badger Incident." It's -- it''s something totally and completely and unequivocally Offspring-y...we're still dizzy...we'll post it next week...YAY!

xoxo K&L

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010


  1. OMG, I love her. Can we get her to send a picture of herself, or a plane ticket over here so we can pinch her and make sure she is real? I love it. I'm so confused, but I love it.

  2. I hope her Mother has a prescription for Xanax and lots of vodka!!

  3. omagosh.... I'm REALLY wishing I'd had that glass of wine before I read that. WOW, WOW, WOW. She's quite... interesting. The funny thing is, I totally read it with an English accent playing in my head. My girls' ballet teacher is English.... so I hear that accent five days a week! LOL Now I digress... CRAP... she's rubbing off. I'm stopping now.... and getting that glass of wine so I can stop the buzzing I hear in my head.

    Can't WAIT to read about the "badger incident".

  4. So funny! British people write just the way they talk - hysterical to read it though! Can't wait for more!!!

  5. Yep, love her. Word of advice, don't read while drinking coffee. Offspring #1 = no caffeine required. My brain hurts.

  6. I. Love. Her. I really think I should adopt her. Do you think her mum would let me? She talks the way I think. And occasionally talk. I'm not alone, weeee!

    This blog changes LIVES!

  7. I understood all of that. Should I be concerned?

  8. PS, the British are totally into instant gratification and not making people wait....ahem.

  9. Whoa.

    I mean...

    That's a LOT of syllables.

    -kate in Michigan

  10. O M G !!! don't know how i missed the 1st e-mail, but almost as much as ya'll.

  11. Can I get some of whatever she's on? The engergy . . . OMG!

  12. I think part of her secret energy formula must include Mountain Dew! She should look into getting a commission if she CAN.
    While she works on that...
    Is there any way I can communicate directly with Offspring #1? I work with kids with SM and would love to talk to her more. I'm Twitter illiterate, check Facebook as often as I wash my face (not enough, clearly), and know better than to broadcast my email address to the entire world, right?
    Lydia and Kate, any advice on how to get my contact info to her when she comes down for air?




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