Friday, October 15, 2010

Overheard at Happy Hour

You'd think Kate's friends would have known better. In their defense, they totally saw her wielding her mad Sharpie and she actually had to ask The Pole Dancer [Editor's Note: We gave up calling her Emma. Mostly because we can't resist saying stuff like, "So, I was talking with the Pole Dancer..." in front of strangers. - Kate] for some newspaper...but add in some whacktacularly named vodka and a game that has the *worst* name ever, and we turn into total jackholes who say a lot of things they'll be regretting later...

For simplicity's sake, there were seven of us girls: me, the Pole Dancer, Meg, Jo, Beth, Amy and's WAY easier that way...

Beth: "Did you know that alpacas hum?"
Jo: "Hump?"
Beth: "No. Hum. Like a tune."
Meg: "Why?"
Beth: "No idea. It's trivia. Just go with it."

Beth: "OH! Remember New Year's Eve?"
Amy: "You mean, when the police showed up at your house?"
Beth: "Uh, no."
Amy: "Oh. Then, no. I don't remember."

[cheering by the men]
Jo: "What happened?"
Jo's Husband: "I got a cornhole!"
[men high five]
Jo: "Really? This is all about saying 'cornhole' isn't it?"
Jo's Husband: "I spent two days cutting the boards, drilling the holes, painting it. We play with bean bags. Of course it's about saying the word cornhole."

[Editor's Note: So, about Cornhole. It's basically throwing a bean bag into a hole in a plank of wood that's some specific distance away from another plank of wood with another hole in it. The men were very intense about the game. Oh, and I just found out there's a whole website and rules and association affiliated with Cornhole. Yeah. Why do I feel like Beavis? - Kate]

Amy, who's husband won Cornhole: "I'm the Cornhole Queen."

Pole Dancer: "So, Meg. You know we can't go to that workout class because it's a holiday on Monday."
Meg: "Ugh. I hate school holidays." [to Kate] "So, you're out too then, right?"
Kate: "Yes and no. No, because I have Nanny. But, yes, because I have to go to work. I'm never going to lose that last five pounds."
Meg: "Shut up. Look at you."
Kate: "You don't see me naked. I wish I could go to that class."
Pole Dancer: "Wait! What? You're taking naked classes?"
Amy: "My kids' school doesn't care that Columbus discovered America, so they have school. There's naked classes?"

Jo: [to Amy, who's in the middle of chemo which sucks but she's like kicking its ass and she wears awesome wigs and we all lurve her totally forever] "Can you drink?"
Amy: "No. Stupid drugs and, like, they counteract with alcohol. Remember when cancer drugs used to make you all skinny?"
Jo: "You know, they make drugs for everything. You'd think they'd make side effects that were like, 'may cause spontaneous orgasms' or get rid of grey hair or something like that."
Amy: "Or bigger boobs! But sometimes I wake up thinking I have like double G's and I'm terrified."

Beth: "Have you seen the new True Blood?"
The Pole Dancer: "Shut up! Dont' talk about it! I'm in Season Two."
Beth: "I'm in three!"
Louisa: "I don't watch it. I don't have HBO. I'm enough of a TV junkie."
Beth: I don't have HBO either. I have Netflix."
Louisa: "Nope. Don't have that either."
Amy: "I was going to give up Netflix. Then I told them I was giving it up because I had cancer, and now I think we get it for free. Forever."

[Kate pours the last of the Purples -- which is her awesome pomegranate martinis -- way easier to say purple that pomegranate...especially after you've -- she's? -- THEY'VE -- had seven.]

Jo: "I'm buying this tomorrow. The purple. And the vodka. What is it?"
Meg: "Effen. Effen Vokda."
Jo: "Like, f**king vodka?"
Meg: "No, like Effen. See? [holds up bottle] "Ooh, listen." [reads label] "Distilled from wheat grain and 'perfect water.' Deerfield, Illinois."
Jo: "Who knew? There's perfect water. In Deerfield.
Beth: "Tomorrow, I'm gettin' some f**kin' vodka."
Jo: "No. EFFEN Vodka.
Beth: "You buy your kind. I'll buy mine."

Louisa: "I need to find a new church. I tried The Pole Dancer's, but it was too meeting-ish. I feel spiritual, you know...even though --
Louisa's Husband: "Yeah! She periodically screams out, 'Oh God!' So, right. Spiritual..."
Louisa: "You're a cornhole."

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010

Popular Posts