Saturday, October 30, 2010

So You Just Had A Vasectomy!

A couple of weeks ago, a mutual friend of ours had a vasectomy. And because I am stupid and immature, I immediately began mentally composing jokes about his junk.  Fortunately, he thought they were funny, too and did not roundhouse kick me in the face like Chuck Norris (as I very well deserved).  So with his permission, I have created this missive for any and all to share with anyone who has had a vasectomy.  And especially for those who've been recently snipped.

Here are some things you might not want to say unless you’re sure the pain medication has not yet worn off:
  • “Good morning! I hear your huevos got soft-boiled!”
  • “So your balls are now safe for scrimmage?”
  • “I hear you’re just brewing decaf now…”
  • “Does it still count as elective surgery is your wife is the one who elected it?”
  • “Hey dude! How’s your satchel?”
  • “You totally pickled your onions.”
  • “How would you describe the experience? Unique or eunuch?”
  • “How did it go? I hope they didn’t bruise the produce.”
  • "Did they pierce it while they were down there?"
  • “I brought you this book to read while you recover. It’s by Balzac.”
  •  “Damn… You got a v-job”

Or you could play him this song (originally from Family Guy - which is Kate's favorite show) --

If you’re on Twitter – you can add your two cents under #justhadavasectomy

(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010

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