
When he was four or so, we were "checking out" at the counter and he noticed for the first time that I didn't actually pay for anything. By then he was well versed in money and Mommy's Credit Card. The blue one with all the numbers. He'd take it out of my wallet and then I'd be at the grocery store and when it came time to pay I'd open my wallet and see that lovely vacant spot where Blue Card was supposed to be.
He hid it in his tightie-whities. He always hid it in his tightie-whities.
Interestingly, no check out person has ever been thrilled about me paying with that card once I got it back. I'm pretty sure that's why the little grocery store by my house suddenly got the self-run-through credit card machine.
For the record, he also hid cash, candy and my cell phone in there. Which I discovered when his bum started playing "A Little Less Conversation" -- I got a new phone.

Luckily for me, she kindly explained to my son that, at the library, you just get to borrow books and you don't have to pay. You just have to take really good care of them, love them with your whole heart, and then just promise to give them back so other people get to love them too.
He was flabbergasted. Stunned. And, suddenly, very very loud. The *one* rule in the library that he decides to break.
"YOU MEAN WE JUST GET TO TAKE ANY BOOK WE WANT AND ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS PROMISE TO BRING IT BACK??!?!?!?!!" [mouth agape in joy] "THIS IS THE BEST THING IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!!!"
After that, we'd go in and he was like a crack addict. Forget staying in the kids section. There was a whole library of free stuff at his disposal. We checked out magazines, car books, documentaries, encyclopedias...
[Editor's Note: You think I kid? Uhh, nope. He picked B -- did you know the Berserkers were these hired mercenaries that went into battle naked? They did. They thought it would freak out their enemies. Umm, yeah. Bunch of naked guys with spears running at me? I'm pretty sure I'd give up too. He still talks about it. Mostly because I think he thinks he can become a Berserker someday. It's like sanctioned nudity. -Kate]
...and any book that was especially huge just because who doesn't want to look at a map of Pangaea that requires you to lay it out on your driveway?
We went last week when there was no school. The kids scattered immediately when we arrived. And I suddenly stood there in the entrance and read the signs. And saw my life...
My daughter was in the drama section. She's eleven and full of drama and hormones and boys and shutting her door and playing music too loud and irritated at me for giving her faulty DNA because she doesn't have big enough boobs yet. I wandered down the rows to see all the stories of teenage angst and Bella and Edward and Jacob and Harry Potter and shouldn't he just tell Ginny that he loves her already and Margaret still wondering if God is there and wow I can't believe they still read that book. I read that book.
My son was in the adventure section...Percy Jackson and the Hardy Boys and Ben 10 and all those kids who live lives that are way scarier than his and wow he's super happy he takes karate just in case he finds out he's really the son of SpiderMan or something.

And I stood there and looked at the New Arrivals section. It's like the baby nursery in the hospital. We walk super slow through that section and see all the new faces...wonder what they're about...they still have that smell of brand new-ness. And they're so wonderful and you can't wait to hold it, even though you know you're going to be up all night and be useless the next day.
When I came back to find the kids, they were all holding their collection of treasures. Full of drama and adventure and discovery and tales of growing up and learning about the world.

No, baby. It doesn't. I knew when I first showed up at New Arrivals, I'd only get to borrow you for eighteen years. I just had to promise to take really good care of you. And love you with my whole heart. And then just promise to give you back to the world so other people can love you too.
And you're right son. It IS the best thing in the whole wide world.
Thank you for letting me have this great honor of being your mom....
(c)Herding Turtles, Inc. 2009 - 2010